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Original poster

"What are your pronouns?" Best response for a 14 yo?

208 replies

RhymesWithOrange · 24/12/2021 08:08

DD is as well informed as I can manage on pronoun nonsense but we're both stumped for the best response if a friend asks her "what are your pronouns?"

Any advice on challenging/deflecting? With close friends she jokes (she's identified as a Samsung refrigerator, pronouns ice/tray, for a while now) but with people she knows less well it's harder to pull off.

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
Linguini · 24/12/2021 09:11

I like "pronouns are in the eye of the beholder"

thethoughtfox · 24/12/2021 09:11

@JennieLee

Sex-based like my oppression.
This. All day.
Linguini · 24/12/2021 09:11

@Dinosauria

My pronouns are me and I. Its rude to talk about people in the second person when they are present, so just use my name. I don't care how you talk about me when I'm not there.
Pendant calling... She/him/they are third person pronouns. Second person is "you/yours"
ShowOfHands · 24/12/2021 09:09

My DD is 14 and she and her friends talk about this stuff quite a bit. They're all pretty GC, including her friend who is trans. They're at odds with some of the school population and dd's answer to the pronouns question is "irrelevant". If pressed, she simply says "I'm female".

RosesAndHellebores · 24/12/2021 09:05

It must be terribly hard being 14 in 2021/2022. When I was 14 all we worried about was learning our French vocab and mastering the slide rule and log book.

I am very grateful in this day and age that my first name is a very obviously feminine one. As is dd but at 23 she thinks more about this stuff, is very much a ms or even a mx and prefers they/them because they think it's right they be defined by what they do rather than their sex. And will argue about it for ages.

JuneOsborne · 24/12/2021 08:58

My pronouns are private. Or, I'm undecided.

Probably best for a 14yo. Non confrontational and should close down discussion. Well, the undecided one might invite more questions I suppose, in which case your daughter could say it's not important to me: you choose seeing as when you're using pronouns for me, I won't be there!

AngelinaFibres · 24/12/2021 08:57

@lovelyweathertoday

My normal response when asked a question that confuses me is just a blank stare while I try to process it. This often seems to be enough of an answer.

I'm not intending to be rude, just sometimes I can't get an answer out.

I have never been asked and if I was I would probably do the same as you lovely weather or think it was a joke. I am a woman, look like a woman , look far more feminine than masculine and have a name that can only be given to a woman so I probably haven't been asked because it's obvious. If I was speaking to someone else I would refer to them by their name ,if I knew them, or by 'you' .
RepentMotherfucker · 24/12/2021 08:56

These pronoun threads always attract a lot of elaborate or confrontational suggestions. I am sceptical that anyone uses them in real life, let alone a 14 year old.

Yes I agree. DD's best 'big school' friend goes in for a lot of this stuff. She's a quite sad serious girl who clearly needs people to be good to her. There's no way DD would say any of the more snarky things to her and nor would I want her to. But she does need a get out clause.

PaleGreenGhost · 24/12/2021 08:54

"Whatever you want. I believe all humans are of equal worth"

Tavelo · 24/12/2021 08:47

'Queen'

Original poster
RhymesWithOrange · 24/12/2021 08:46

Yes, need avoid/deflection in some cases, without feeling like you're betraying the sisterhood!

Changing the subject works f2f, it's harder when someone messages you.

OP posts:
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 24/12/2021 08:40

@Bellusaurus

As an actual fourteen year old, I think I would have found it easiest to just say, I really don't mind - thanks though. There'd be some situations where I wouldn't be looking for an argument at that age, and it's hard to argue with a pleasant, truthful response ( I hope).
Agree. These pronoun threads always attract a lot of elaborate or confrontational suggestions. I am sceptical that anyone uses them in real life, let alone a 14 year old.
senua · 24/12/2021 08:40

"oh" " that question is sooo 2021." "What are you looking forward to in 2022?>

highame · 24/12/2021 08:40

Miss 😂😂😂 on so many levels that would work

lovelyweathertoday · 24/12/2021 08:38

My normal response when asked a question that confuses me is just a blank stare while I try to process it. This often seems to be enough of an answer.

I'm not intending to be rude, just sometimes I can't get an answer out.

MagpiePi · 24/12/2021 08:37

'what do you think they are?'

Dozer · 24/12/2021 08:37

‘Whatever you like’

SportsMother · 24/12/2021 08:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EishetChayil · 24/12/2021 08:30

"We/our".

MumUndone · 24/12/2021 08:28

@JennieLee

Sex-based like my oppression.
Excellent retort.
Bellusaurus · 24/12/2021 08:20

As an actual fourteen year old, I think I would have found it easiest to just say, I really don't mind - thanks though. There'd be some situations where I wouldn't be looking for an argument at that age, and it's hard to argue with a pleasant, truthful response ( I hope).

Original poster
RhymesWithOrange · 24/12/2021 08:20

These are great, thank you 😊

OP posts:
RepentMotherfucker · 24/12/2021 08:16

Place marking as DD 12 gets a lot of this shit. Constantly being invited to the LGBTQIA+ group at school (which I have forbidden her to go to as it's a safeguarding nightmare). But luckily she hates the teacher who runs it so she has just used that excuse so far.

WhiteXmas99 · 24/12/2021 08:16

I always ask for qho (correct pronounciation with a glottalized stop please!) and if you do not know what a glottalized stop is you need to educate yourself.

LadyCampanulaTottington · 24/12/2021 08:16

@JennieLee

Sex-based like my oppression.
This. Or “why would I give a hoot about what anyone calls me when I’m not around to hear it”