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Original poster

"What are your pronouns?" Best response for a 14 yo?

208 replies

RhymesWithOrange · 24/12/2021 08:08

DD is as well informed as I can manage on pronoun nonsense but we're both stumped for the best response if a friend asks her "what are your pronouns?"

Any advice on challenging/deflecting? With close friends she jokes (she's identified as a Samsung refrigerator, pronouns ice/tray, for a while now) but with people she knows less well it's harder to pull off.

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
BackwardsTurret · 24/12/2021 13:33

You refer to her as she/her throughout this post so maybe she should just say that

Why should she bother? If people ask a stupid question they should expect a stupid answer.

DadDadDad · 24/12/2021 13:31

"I wouldn't dare to tell you how to speak English! But go on, take a risk - in all my 50 years, I've not heard anyone get it wrong about me, so I'm sure you'll be fine..."

Lamerexo · 24/12/2021 13:24

@ErrolTheDragon

I think I'd be tempted by something along the lines of ' "Pronouns"? You sound like you're writing from a corporate HR department 🙄'
Cringe .. Blush
BlueberryCheezecake · 24/12/2021 13:21

@RhymesWithOrange

DD is as well informed as I can manage on pronoun nonsense but we're both stumped for the best response if a friend asks her "what are your pronouns?"

Any advice on challenging/deflecting? With close friends she jokes (she's identified as a Samsung refrigerator, pronouns ice/tray, for a while now) but with people she knows less well it's harder to pull off.

Thank you Smile

You refer to her as she/her throughout this post so maybe she should just say that.
Bergamotte · 24/12/2021 13:04

[quote RosesAndHellebores]@Bergamotte if I wasn't sure I'd call you your name if I knew it to your face. To others probably as "the scruffy person".[/quote]
Ha! That's actually very accurate. Grin

Not the most convenient pronoun though.
Eg. "Dear Team Leader, please remember to issue Bergamotte with the scruffy person's new keypass on Wednesday, as the scruffy person has booked annual leave so this will be the scruffy person's last day at work before we change the entry system."

ErrolTheDragon · 24/12/2021 12:53

I hope RosesAndHellebores never has to address Gregor Murray. Grin

Helleofabore · 24/12/2021 12:43

@ArabellaScott

Mean?

'I'd rather be rude than a fucking liar.'

Merry Christmas!

Yes!!!!

This link might be appropriate here too!

ErrolTheDragon · 24/12/2021 12:37

I think I'd be tempted by something along the lines of
' "Pronouns"? You sound like you're writing from a corporate HR department 🙄'

RosesAndHellebores · 24/12/2021 12:33

Alex and Pips.

Terfydactyl · 24/12/2021 12:10

@RosesAndHellebores

If someone identifies as a woman pronouns are she/her generally. If as a man he/him. It doesn't matter what they were born as.

If I am dealing with someone wearing a frock or other female attributes I will call them she/her - even if I can see a five o'clock shadow.

If I am dealing with someone dressed as a man I will address them as he/him even if there are some female attributes.

The fact that the two people above are presenting themselves as female and male speaks for itself imo.

I am female, I have breasts, femininity styled hair, wear make-up and traditionally feminine jewellery. My name is feminine, it has an ia ending and my title is Mrs. I find it hard to imagine my pronouns weren't blindingly obvious. Same for dh in reverse. Also the same for my dc who whilst heterosexual are more on trend with it. Nevertheless dd has long blonde hair, size 3 feet and is a soprano. It's hard to argue she is anything other than female.

So Alex Drummond and the beard would be ? Because if you said he then by all accounts you would be transphobic. Yet Alex dresses as female coded or male coded and always has the beard. Alex is widening the bandwith of being a woman. Then theres pips bunce who somedays dresses in a woman dress, and other days a mans suit. How would you refer to pips?
DoingTheDusting · 24/12/2021 12:07

'I don't understand your question'.

BackwardsTurret · 24/12/2021 12:03

@KurtWildesChristmasNamechange

Wow you lot are mean!

Merry Christmas Xmas Smile

Am I ok to say that without offending anyone?

Not offended. Astounded by your naivety.

Is that mean?

I would suggest you wander on to the feminist board more often and try to understand exactly what the problem is here. Maybe you would discover that's it's nothing to do with being mean at all.

Merry Christmas

Terfydactyl · 24/12/2021 11:59

Let's face it, no one is really interested in hearing about other
people's pronouns, they just want an excuse to talk about theirs

This is true. So if you dont want to cause offence/start a fight/have to defend your stance, just ask them about theirs and what it means to them. Get them talking and lead them on til they are exhausted. Job done.

Notthissticky · 24/12/2021 11:53

@JennieLee

Sex-based like my oppression.
This
Dwrcegin · 24/12/2021 11:52

@Blessex

I am an atheist so don’t do pronouns
Excellent. I will be using this from now on Grin
Mouseonmychair · 24/12/2021 11:49

He him or lord or sir.

Just answer the question how it was obviously intended.

EarthSight · 24/12/2021 11:47

I'd be tempted to say 'I'm not really a spiritual person, do I don't declare pronouns like that because it's not something I believe in, but I'm ok if you do it'.

If someone messages her, just ignore. If they start being pushy, I'd be tempted to say that pushing someone to reveal their pronouns before they're ready is not a progressive thing to do. If they still wonder what to call her, just say to stick to the current social pronoun norms of someone who looks like her until she's ready to discuss the matter.

RosesAndHellebores · 24/12/2021 11:45

@Bergamotte if I wasn't sure I'd call you your name if I knew it to your face. To others probably as "the scruffy person".

Original poster
RhymesWithOrange · 24/12/2021 11:44

@ArabellaScott

Mean?

'I'd rather be rude than a fucking liar.'

Merry Christmas!

👏👏👏👏👏

OP posts:
SayYouDontMind · 24/12/2021 11:43

" 'I' and 'me' - those are the ones I use, and the only ones I have legitimate control over - you can refer to me using any ones you have control over - whichever ones make you feel most comfortable feel free to use." OR "I'm not quite at the stage to make a public statement about this so whatever makes you feel comfortable or as you perceive them is fine by me" I think these are polite enough and inoffensive.

Imayhaveerred · 24/12/2021 11:35

“If I am dealing with someone dressed as a man I will address them as he/him even if there are some female attributes.”

How would you define “dressed as a man” though? I often wear men’s clothes as they fit me better. I’m not a man and I don’t use he/him pronouns.

Bergamotte · 24/12/2021 11:32

RosesAndHellebores
What would you refer to me as? I spend my workdays in uniform- a baggy unisex T-shirt, work trousers with lots of pockets, unisex safety shoes. I have short hair, short nails, never wear make-up or nail polish or jewellery.
I do have a female body.

On some of my days off I wear clothes sold as "men's", on some days dresses, and on some days it will happen to be a mixture eg. "women's" jeans and a "men's" shirt. Would you think you should use different pronouns to refer to me on different days, depending on how I was dressed? What if you had to talk to someone about me, but hadn't seen me that day, so didn't know what I was wearing? What pronouns would you use then?

DialSquare · 24/12/2021 11:26

Make Sex offenders that should be.

dannydyerismydad · 24/12/2021 11:25

Call me by by name to my face. When you're talking about me use whatever pronouns you feel suit.

DialSquare · 24/12/2021 11:24

There are currently a couple of posts on this board showing Male offenders being referred to as She/Her. This is where this bollocks has got us.