"What are your pronouns?" Best response for a 14 yo?

Disingenuous bollocks.

Other peoples marriages dont tend to erase womens rights and safeguards. Although there is a whole other discussion to be had on forced marriages and child marriages. But generally, there would be no reason to not acknowledge someones marriage. Theres plenty of reason not to buy into someone else gender ideology when it causes so much harm.

Many feminists would strongly disagree with this. Many second wave feminists viewed marriage as legalised prostitution. Dworkin said "Marriage as an institution developed from rape as a practice." There are many feminist reasons not to recognise marriage but even the most ardent would probably be polite enough to refer to someone the way they would like to be referred to. It's just basic good manners.

My kids have very good manners. They wont accept people forcing their language in an ideology they dont believe in. And nor should they. The obnoxious brats would be the ones harassing them to give out pronouns even though its clearly not welcomed. That is disgustingly rude and controlling.

How is it obnoxious to ask someone how they'd like to be referred as? They aren't asking you to accept their pronouns, they are just being polite. They might have to do it because of their work. How on earth is asking how would you like to be addressed 'disgustingly rude and controlling'?

She says she'd reply with: 'Aren't we leaving all that to year 8, now?'

That's fucking genius! DD is going to love that.

We are looking after a hamster for someone and can't remember if it's male or female. We've had a good few 'misgendering the hamster' conversations this week that have been extremely reassuring (and very funny). In the end we've opted for they/them so as not to cause them any additional trauma

I just asked my 14yo.

She says she'd reply with: 'Aren't we leaving all that to year 8, now?'.

I was aware that all her mates were 'going by' different pronouns last year.

This year apparently it's considered rude to ask because: you might then assume you'd got the correct set for a particular person & then they change but you don't know that because you asked them last week so you use last week's pronouns which is now wrong so THEN where would you be, huh, you evil bigot.

She told me all this with a straight face, butter wouldn't melt, then smirked at me a bit, then corpsed completely, cackling.

Pronouns Are So Over in dd2 world.

Phew.

My kids have very good manners. They wont accept people forcing their language in an ideology they dont believe in. And nor should they. The obnoxious brats would be the ones harassing them to give out pronouns even though its clearly not welcomed. That is disgustingly rude and controlling.

This.

And it seriously isn't going to be an issue when they grow up because this is a fad and it's already on the wane. Soon the only people doing pronouns will be the reluctantly badged staff of M and S and its sad mission to always be 10 years behind any given curve.

So if a feminist objects to marriage as many feminists do then is it acceptable to refuse to call someone by anything but their maiden name, or refuse to refer to someone as Mrs or Miss when that's how they prefer to be addressed?

Other peoples marriages dont tend to erase womens rights and safeguards. Although there is a whole other discussion to be had on forced marriages and child marriages. But generally, there would be no reason to not acknowledge someones marriage. Theres plenty of reason not to buy into someone else gender ideology when it causes so much harm.

We all make accommodations for other people that may not perfectly align with our belief.

Gender ideology is miles apart from my beliefs because it causes harm to other people. Women. And children. I dont make accomodations for something where the values are no way aligned with mine.

We all tell little lies. It's simple politeness,
Its not a little lie. Its a huge lie which destroys the rights and safeguards of women and children. And i dont care about being kind or polite anymore. Being kind and polite has meant people like yourself take advantage. Its not advantageous to me to be kind and polite about this.

unless you want your kid to grow up to be the kind of obnoxious entitled brat who doesn't think they have to say please and thank you because they don't agree with it

My kids have very good manners. They wont accept people forcing their language in an ideology they dont believe in. And nor should they. The obnoxious brats would be the ones harassing them to give out pronouns even though its clearly not welcomed. That is disgustingly rude and controlling.

or would insist on keeping their shoes on if they had to go into a Mosque for some reason.

Nowhere near the same. Although you are close in the fact that gender ideology is very much a religion. Its not based on scientific fact.

We all make accommodations for other people that may not perfectly align with our belief. We all tell little lies. It's simple politeness, unless you want your kid to grow up to be the kind of obnoxious entitled brat who doesn't think they have to say please and thank you because they don't agree with it or would insist on keeping their shoes on if they had to go into a Mosque for some reason.

If you really don't know what feminist objections to this whole pronoun nonsense are I guess you aren't reading the threads you are coming onto to lecture us all.

Which is your prerogative I guess but I don't need to rehash the whole thing for you surely?

Because some people are so obsessed with the culture war against trans people they will even encourage their children to be rude and confrontational to someone who is just being polite if they think it might score a point in the gender wars.

Actually you're wrong. Its giving children the tools to be able to say no to things they are not comfortable with. If you buy into gender politics, damaging as it is, then fill your boots. Don't expect my children to be propping that up for you as unwilling participants. Its not going to be happening. If you find their refusal to join in with you rude, then I'm afraid thats your problem. No one elses.

Because some people are so obsessed with the culture war against trans people they will even encourage their children to be rude and confrontational to someone who is just being polite if they think it might score a point in the gender wars.

I've been at pains to point out that I don't want my child to be rude to her friend who is genuinely confused by all this shit. But I won't ask her to participate in a dangerous lie either.

She knows it's bollocks though. I think the kids are finding it more and more risible as time goes on.

I identify as capybara!

Mine would be 'call me what you like, it really doesn't matter'

"But@OffCyclingI have a NAME! Why do (rhetorical) you need to know my 'pronouns'? Say my name is Mary (it isn't, but for argument's sake). Do you normally go, "hello she, how are you?" No. You'd say "Hello Mary, how are you?"
See what I mean?
Pronouns are not needed in communication. It's actually very rude to use pronouns and to ask for pronouns. The process needs to be stopped. That's why we're hitting back."

This actually makes no sense at all. You can't go around stating "pronouns aren't needed in communication" when in fact you've just been using a pronoun in the very sample sentence you've given us to illustrate that claim - to wit, the "you" in "hello Mary how are you". Sounds like you're confusing the concept of pronouns in general and third person pronouns.

She could snort and say "Pronouns? You sound like my mom's friends." If you don't object to a little light slander, OP, she could do her part to make the whole thing seem very uncool.

Or sometimes if I'm feeling really cheeky I say "tā" which is Mandarin for both he/him and she/her depending on context.

In writing they differ: this is the male 3rd person 他 and this the female 她 but they sound exactly the same.

Again, it tends to do the trick.

I teach languages so I say "je, me, moi" or sometimes "ich mich mir"

Or sometimes I respond "reflexive, possessive or interrogative?"

Tends to do the trick.

Is it just me or does she/her automatically slide into 'Cher'?

I could go for Cher pronouns circa 1967.

I do prefer to be polite and non-confrontational in general. I absolutely don't believe that disagreement is hatred, but I also pick my battles. An opening question of "what are your pronouns" wouldn't cause me to engage full TERF mode.

Thanks for responding, Vice. See, whatever your intention, I find someone asking me my pronouns very rude and offensive, as well as confrontational. So we're a bit stuck, aren't we? If someone asks me to use a particular pronoun, I will - well, generally I'll just avoid using pronouns and avoid that person, to be completely honest. But I certainly would have no wish to upset them and/or be rude to them.

(and now I'm totally torn between wanting to add a disclaimer that I completely understand that other people have different thresholds etc etc, whilst at the same time not wanting to come across as a spineless, grovelling people pleaser- oh the irony 🤣🤣🤣)

Yes, it's a situation where people are really put on the spot and as you can see, you run the risk of offending someone whatever you say. A bit like asking someone what football team they support - in Glasgow this used to be (apparently) just a sort of social formality before beating someone up. If you said Rangers they'd give you a kicking, if you said Celtic they'd give you a kicking, if you said 'nobody' they'd say you were [homophobic slur] and give you a kicking.

Another reason I bodyswerve pronouns - and in a professional capacity/setting would say anyone wanting to avoid causing potential offense would be advised to avoid using them and/or asking for them, tbh.

@ErrolTheDragon so do I