"What are your pronouns?" Best response for a 14 yo?

Wouldn’t you just say “oh, you were just saying that, weren’t you, Mary?”

[quote ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs]@barleybadminton If someone tells you their name, why isn't that enough?[/quote]
Of course pronouns are necessary unless you want conversation to be clunky and unnatural.

So you're Mary. We're sat chatting to others. You tell me something. Another person chips in. I say, "Oh Mary was just saying that she likes to rock climb too." Or do I say, "Oh Mary was just saying that Mary likes to rock climb too." This is just one of many examples. Yes often you wouldn't use third person pronouns because it would be rude but there are plenty of situations where it would be weird and unnatural to keep using someone's name instead of he/she.

Names are for dinosaurs!

Did names become extinct?

@barleybadminton If someone tells you their name, why isn't that enough?

@barleybadminton Marriage isn't a feminist issue. It isn't a patriachal issue. It is a LEGAL issue. It is about legal recognition and protection.

It's simple politeness, unless you want your kid to grow up to be the kind of obnoxious entitled brat

Wow. I think you are the one who sounds like an obnoxious entitled brat here. If someone tells you their name, you address them as their name. If someone says their name is Mary, you would address them as Mary. Nothing else is needed, is there. Pronouns are superfluous and unnecessary.

"How is it obnoxious to ask someone how they'd like to be referred as? They aren't asking you to accept their pronouns, they are just being polite. They might have to do it because of their work. How on earth is asking how would you like to be addressed 'disgustingly rude and controlling"

I find it personal, invasive and rude question an annoying relative would ask at Christmas dinner that you can either completely ignore or directly challenge depending on the situation- somewhere between 'do you have a boyfriend yet?' and 'what's your relationship with God?'. It communicates a certain worldview that you feel should be universal and assumes the other person should share it and if they do not, you need to correct them.

We've been teaching our children to be polite for generations. In truth there is probably far less gender based etiquette than there has ever been in this society. And what is viewed as polite changes over time.

You'll be waiting a long time if you think you're slipping gender pronouns in under the guise of being polite.

It's virtue signalling aggressive bollocks designed to weed out the non believers.

And we may have been teaching generations of children, particularly girls, to be kind and polite. Put their own feelings last. And you're right, what is viewed as being polite does change over time. After all women have been polite about many things they feel uncomfortable about for many years. This has changed. There is no need to be polite to chancers and manipulators.

The new generation of girls are learning something new. And that is to say No. They don't need to be polite and kind to those who have relied on those traits to seek advantage for themselves and destroy women's safeguards.

So on that note, Happy Christmas and a big fat NO to you. And heres to an extremely impolite new year.

The kids have moved on.

If only this was true. I see no evidence of this in my area, sadly.

I'd have said "I don't subscribe to the ideology which necessitates a response to that question." Although I prefer the pp's response: "sex-based, like my impression."

I teach my children how to argue politely.

So there are ways to convey a different opinion that take the heat out - play the ball not the player, accept differing views courteously.

If no consensus can be reached, acknowledge this, & try to terminate the discussion on good terms or at least civil terms - leaving the door open for resumption at a later date is also good.

Learn to code switch - chatting casually to friends, v edgelording discussion online, v serious conversations with people you agree/disagree with, v careful professional conversations with consequences all require different strategies.

There are times when it's not productive to have an argument, & it's fine to shelve it.

If you're losing an argument - honestly, is that because the other party actually has a point, or is it because you haven't researched properly so you can't substantiate your perfectly reasonable position?

Politeness isn't ever to be confused with acquiescence, & no one should ever be taught or encouraged to lie.

Being able to research, conduct, win, lose or draw an argument with both confidence & grace is a vital life skill.

So I'm not massively sold on this whole hand wavey 'goodness why are kids being RUDE' when they're expected to kowtow to other people's pronoun piffle. I'd absolutely expect my own dc, & my gender critical students, to a) question the fuck out of it b) agree to disagree & back off politely if someone was upset c) form their own opinions.

Hence indirectly, yes, using wrong sex pronouns is going along with the view that males can be women.

Some of us are so sick of this shit that using wrong sex pronouns is just not happening.

Fuck me that absolute determination that some posters have to paint women refusing to call biological men women as the unreasonable ones is staggering

Did the op say that someone had told her daughter they had to call a biological man a woman? I thought this was about someone being asked which pronoun they like to be addressed by.

Fuck me that absolute determination that some posters have to paint women refusing to call biological men women as the unreasonable ones is staggering

No I will not teach children that men or boys can be women or girls because of how they feel

Safeguarding 101 no sacred castes

Men however they present are not women

How depressing that our 14 year olds are having to navigate this toxic mind fuck ‘right think’ ‘right speech’ - why aren’t all rational adults railing against this?

We've been teaching our children to be polite for generations. In truth there is probably far less gender based etiquette than there has ever been in this society. And what is viewed as polite changes over time.

And I've noticed you've swivelled from, 'just answer the question politely' to, 'just politely ask other how they want to be addressed.'

No I haven't, I was just pointing out that that's all the questioner was doing. I'm not saying people should be under any obligation to ask this, just that if someone does I think it's pretty unpleasant to encourage your children to be rude or confrontational to them. They are just being polite.

There is a pedo dog fucker this week asking that people call him she/her/Claire.

I would suggest that if you think any of this is paranoid you are either not paying attention or you have your own agenda and women are collateral damage in that.

And I've noticed you've swivelled from, 'just answer the question politely' to, 'just politely ask other how they want to be addressed.' How about we all just rub the lotion on the skin otherwise we get the hose?

Only one of them (those thems?) is gender neutral, Barley, the other is just plural.

& here's the thing: I didn't give which pronouns I was using a second's thought. I just automatically used female ones for my dd - since she's female - & a neutral plural-used-as-a-singular-proxy for a hypothetical peer of hers, who could be male or female.

Schrodinger's Pronoun, if you like. Not a coerced pronoun.

The kids have moved on.

It's absolutely not a way to root out unbelievers

Paranoid much? Some people go by pronouns which do not necessarily reflect their physical sex or obvious appearance. It's becoming quite common. It's just a simple courtesy to ask how someonehow they like to be addressed.