Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Billie Eilish speaks out on the effect of viewing porn at 11 years old

59 replies

PurgatoryOfPotholes · 15/12/2021 08:06

extract

“I started watching porn when I was like 11,” she told Stern. “I was an advocate and I thought I was one of the guys and would talk about it and think I was really cool for not having a problem with it and not seeing why it was ‘bad,’ you know?”

(continues)

“I think it really destroyed my brain, and I feel incredibly devastated that I was exposed to so much porn. I think that I had sleep paralysis and almost night terrors and nightmares because of it. I think that’s how they started because I would watch abusive BDSM and that’s what I thought was attractive. It got to a point where I couldn’t watch anything else—unless it was violent, I didn’t think it was attractive.”

Like so many of her peers, Eilish’s understanding of sex and her first sexual experiences were heavily influenced by porn. She says that she couldn’t speak up about not wanting to do certain things because she felt pressure to perform.

“I was a virgin, I had never done anything, and so it led to problems where the first few times I had sex,”she explained, “I was not saying no to things that were not good. It’s because I thought that was what I was supposed to be attracted to.”

Before moving on to discussing her dating life, Eilish talked more about the unrealistic and unattainable standards porn influences in our culture.

“I am so angry that porn is so loved and I’m so angry at myself for thinking it was okay. The way that vaginas look in porn is f—ing crazy, no vaginas look like that, women’s bodies don’t look like that, we don’t [orgasm] like that, and we don’t f—ing enjoy things that are what it looks like people are enjoying.”

You can read more and watch the interview here:

fightthenewdrug.org/billie-eilish-watching-porn-at-11-she-shares-impacts-it-had-on-her

OP posts:
Justsotirednow · 16/12/2021 07:53

But, yes.
Billie did amazing.
Really brave of her.
And it’s so important to have someone so young and popular to say this.

Justsotirednow · 16/12/2021 07:52

Good luck to them forming living relationships with women.

They’ll be fine.
Majority of women don’t care.
A lot of them are watching porn for shits and giggles themselves.

R0tational · 16/12/2021 07:38

Oh, wow. What a brave woman to speak up.

Beamur · 16/12/2021 07:35

The guy tweeting is getting some pushback. I don't think he's someone whose opinion I would rate that highly.

YourenutsmiLord · 16/12/2021 06:31

I saw this on a SM post today. Lots of laughing emojis. I think there are a lot of guys enjoying the fact tha
Well they are as screwed up in the head as she was. Good luck to them forming living relationships with women.

guinnessguzzler · 16/12/2021 06:21

@PurgatoryOfPotholes That tweet is unbelievable! How can people twist things so much as to (attempt to) give themselves the moral high ground over someone speaking out against something so obviously damaging. Any why these naive people feel the need to fight on behalf of Big Porn I do not know.

Well done to Billie for speaking out with such maturity and consciousness. This is such a hugely important issue and she really is brave for talking about it.

HirplesWithHaggis · 16/12/2021 02:29

How do you control what your DC see when they're not at home? Other kids can access on their phones or in their bedrooms, and show your DC.

NoNotMeNoSiree · 16/12/2021 01:54

@Rainallnight

She sounded in that interview as though she was blaming herself for having done so but I want to know where her parents were? What on Earth was happening there?
That's my thought too It's not her fault, she's a child. Where are her parents?! I have two teenagers and when they were 11 there was literally no access to stuff like that as didn't have unfettered access to the Internet, however unpopular that made me! Same now with 15 year old he's not allowed to watch 18 films. Deal with it Smile
PurgatoryOfPotholes · 16/12/2021 00:51

@spotcheck

I'm not on twitter, but I am curious about the backlash.

Can anyone who has twitter post links if there are any?
☺️

This is a reaction from a blue tick and self-styled writer. Never heard of him myself.

Saying porn is “a disgrace” is a slap in the face to sex workers everywhere, and so many things in this article are attempting to demonize sex that is anything but vanilla. She’s so annoying and is always talking without being informed

twitter.com/MediumSizeMeech/status/1470760373422891016?t=7cGoXb05AoPcENYfqJ8w_g&s=19

OP posts:
TonyThreePies · 16/12/2021 00:50

I saw this on a SM post today. Lots of laughing emojis. I think there are a lot of guys enjoying the fact that Billie watched porn without giving a shit about what she felt about it.

ScrollingLeaves · 16/12/2021 00:40

How brave of her.
It is enormously important because other teens would listen to her where they wouldn’t to parents or teachers.

SwumMum · 15/12/2021 23:21

This was so hard to read, and bear in mind that she's still barely out of her teens.

I dread this for mine.

spotcheck · 15/12/2021 23:14

I'm not on twitter, but I am curious about the backlash.

Can anyone who has twitter post links if there are any?
☺️

Zandathepanda · 15/12/2021 12:42

..just to add these were Yr10s

Zandathepanda · 15/12/2021 12:40

Really glad she spoke about this but I wish people would realise the difference between vaginas and vulvas. When I was a biology teacher yonks ago I had to do all the sex ed lessons so I put a slide on the overhead projector of drawings (photos were deemed too graphic I suppose) of lots of different normal vulvas. Cue - erwww grossss etc from the teenage pupils. After all the ‘protests’, I made sure they knew these were all normal and natural and that if someone was talking about seeing a vagina they they were in a medical exam or something was very wrong. Basic biology needs to be taught properly and pupils need to listen.

LumosSolem · 15/12/2021 12:27

She has been fantastic in speaking out like this, she is so, so spot on.

It's very sad to read her earlier experiences but from what she is saying, it sounds like she has developed so much maturity, knowledge and experience to now view things the way she does. Fantastic for teens to see someone as young as Billie say this stuff.

Good on her and I really hope she is in a better and healthier place with all this stuff now- and that she realises she shouldn't be angry with herself!

littlbrowndog · 15/12/2021 12:14

So glad she spoke out.

It’s a good thing to do.

The harm it does to children and adults

Beamur · 15/12/2021 12:14

I'm really encouraged to see someone with her profile speaking out like this. It's brave and insightful. Being exposed to this at 11 is painful to read though. Poor kid. So harmful to have your developing sexuality brutalised by porn.

Gastonia · 15/12/2021 12:12

I'm really impressed that she spoke out. She's so young still. I note that she says her DM was horrified when she found out. I have a DD of a similar age. I was an older mum, and the internet was all so new when DC were small. I certainly didn't know enough about internet controls, and I'm sure they knew more than me about how to circumvent them.

Luckily, all seems to have turned out ok so far. However, I remember a few years ago, a friend being horrified that her DD was shown porn on someone's smartphone on the school bus!

PurgatoryOfPotholes · 15/12/2021 10:58

AlwaysTawnyOwl

And the murderer of Sarah Everard was addicted to violent porn.

This is something that keeps coming up.

The man who murdered Jane Longhurst, a 31yo teacher, in 2003 was addicted to violent porn including sites that focused on necrophilia.

extract

The family of murdered Brighton teacher Jane Longhurst have met Home Secretary David Blunkett to urge the closure of violent internet porn sites.

Musician Graham Coutts, 35, was jailed for life in January for strangling the 31-year-old after visiting such sites.

He admitted to having a seven-year addiction to online violent pornography.

After the trial, Miss Longhurst's mother, Liz, said political pressure was needed to close down the websites.

She said she believed Coutts' addiction was a factor in her daughter's death.

"It is definitely the case if Graham Coutts had not had the internet...I expect my daughter would be alive today," she said.

Jane's sister and mother did successfully get the law changed to illegalise possession of the level of material Coutts was accessing, but the law is simply not used.

extract

Argus Achievement Award winner Liz Longhurst, who fought alongside former Brighton Kemptown MP David Lepper for the law – part of the 2008 Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill – to be implemented, spoke on the tenth anniversary of her daughter Jane’s death.

“As far as I am aware it has only been used on a handful of occasions.”

“I am very disappointed, for example, that the judge in the Joanna Yeates’ trial [the murdered Bristol woman] did not tell the jury that the killer had viewed extreme porn until after he was convicted.

“Why was it that he only saw fit to tell them this then – when he had already been convicted? [bold mine]

“However, I am very glad there is such a law, even if I am disappointed it is not used as often as it could be.”

From: www.theargus.co.uk/news/10294764.mother-of-murdered-jane-longhurst-disappointed-in-law-changes-ten-years-after-her-death/

More recently, the serial killer Stephen Port who killed four men and sexually assaulted others was obsessed with pornography showing men being drugged and raped.

The inquests would also hear that, at that time, formal advice from homicide officers to check a laptop and phone belonging to Port was ignored. Had they been sent for forensic analysis Port's obsession with drugging and raping young men would have been uncovered.

When they were eventually analysed the following year - after a request from a coroner - they showed that Port had persistently watched "drug rape" pornography. Even then, a detective failed to even look at the relevant sections of the forensic report. By then, police had closed their investigation.

From: www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-59576717

OP posts:
Scraggythang · 15/12/2021 10:52

That’s very brave of her to lay it all out like that. She shows a great amount of insight and understanding for a 20 year old.

Rainallnight · 15/12/2021 10:15

She sounded in that interview as though she was blaming herself for having done so but I want to know where her parents were? What on Earth was happening there?

AlwaysTawnyOwl · 15/12/2021 10:00

It’s wonderful to see Billie speak up about this. And she is absolutely right. Violent abusive porn normalizes the idea that this is part of a healthy sexual relationship. It’s devastating that young people, boys in particular, think this is how women should be treated. And the murderer of Sarah Everard was addicted to violent porn.

Datun · 15/12/2021 09:57

Good for her.

Whatthechicken · 15/12/2021 09:52

That’s a lot to unpick and reflect on for a 20 year old. I hope more young people speak out.

This interview has been covered in loads of publications - some of the comments on SM from young men and women show there is a long way to go.