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Billie Eilish speaks out on the effect of viewing porn at 11 years old

59 replies

PurgatoryOfPotholes · 15/12/2021 08:06

extract

“I started watching porn when I was like 11,” she told Stern. “I was an advocate and I thought I was one of the guys and would talk about it and think I was really cool for not having a problem with it and not seeing why it was ‘bad,’ you know?”

(continues)

“I think it really destroyed my brain, and I feel incredibly devastated that I was exposed to so much porn. I think that I had sleep paralysis and almost night terrors and nightmares because of it. I think that’s how they started because I would watch abusive BDSM and that’s what I thought was attractive. It got to a point where I couldn’t watch anything else—unless it was violent, I didn’t think it was attractive.”

Like so many of her peers, Eilish’s understanding of sex and her first sexual experiences were heavily influenced by porn. She says that she couldn’t speak up about not wanting to do certain things because she felt pressure to perform.

“I was a virgin, I had never done anything, and so it led to problems where the first few times I had sex,”she explained, “I was not saying no to things that were not good. It’s because I thought that was what I was supposed to be attracted to.”

Before moving on to discussing her dating life, Eilish talked more about the unrealistic and unattainable standards porn influences in our culture.

“I am so angry that porn is so loved and I’m so angry at myself for thinking it was okay. The way that vaginas look in porn is f—ing crazy, no vaginas look like that, women’s bodies don’t look like that, we don’t [orgasm] like that, and we don’t f—ing enjoy things that are what it looks like people are enjoying.”

You can read more and watch the interview here:

fightthenewdrug.org/billie-eilish-watching-porn-at-11-she-shares-impacts-it-had-on-her

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WarmthAndDepth · 21/12/2021 00:41

Parietal, definitely check your daughter's chats. Her having a phone is absolutely hconditional.
I spotted stuff on a year group WhatsApp group during lockdown, and alerted both the school as well as the year group parents' WhatsApp group, encouraging other parents to check what content their DC are sharing online. I've since told DC they've a responsibility to call peers out if they share inappropriately, or I'll I'll do it.

RoaringtoLangClegintheDark · 20/12/2021 09:48

@AnyFucker

Thank you speaking up Billie. Our younger generation need to start turning away from porn. Make it socially unacceptable.

Reading this made me start to feel a tiny bit less hopeless.. If someone like Billie, that youngsters look up to, are speaking of it’s harms more power to them.

Agreed.

Very impressed by her speaking out like this and I hope it will make it easier for other young women and girls to see the harm in this.

WalkOnGildedSplinters · 18/12/2021 09:41

Great article from Janice Turner. There are some good comments from men too, as well as the awful ones.

DaggerIsle · 18/12/2021 09:16

My OH was wondering if this rise of violent porn wasn't a form of backlash against MeToo. The more violent parts (choking) becoming more mainstream as a form of punishment against women.
Then you get vanilla-shame if you don't like being assaulted during sex.

NotBadConsidering · 18/12/2021 09:15

If it’s an iPad, you can use the Screen Time app with a passcode only you know. You can then limit the websites the device can access. You’d hope a school issued iPad already has this set.

And you can absolutely check her chats. She’s 13. I check the phones of both my teenagers sporadically so they know I can check at any time. When they’re paying their own bills they can do what they like.

Just say you trust her, but don’t trust others and want to check what they’re sending is appropriate. If she refuses, remove the device. If it’s school issued and she needs it for school work then can only access it in public space for school work then it gets locked up at a curfew time.

parietal · 18/12/2021 08:39

For those saying you closely monitor your kids internet access - HOW? I have a 13 yr old with a school-issued iPad that she uses 4-5 hrs a day during lockdown to access online lessons in her room. Our internet provider & router give some basic parental controls, but I can't be watching over my teens shoulder all day or checking her class chats all night. That would invade her privacy and take up all my time. So I can trust her and talk about sensible internet use, but that is all.

Can anyone recommend a home tech solution that actually helps with this issue?

WarriorN · 18/12/2021 08:17

Yes, I've been warning mum friends around this.

They're either younger and grew up with an Internet that was a bit tamer and no online safety stuff needed in schools or same age (mid 40s) but in a profession that isn't really aware of it all

Slightly off topic; I clocked addiction and other issues with YouTube 13 years ago though working in a sen school, also a particular impact of online gaming for children with autism. They couldn't separate real life from online at times. Some gained American accents from call of duty.

But we had a case of a highly inappropriate image/ film clip being accessed by a child on a mobile he brought into school of dog fighting. That was around 2007.

Omicrone · 18/12/2021 08:09

My DD is in Year 6 and I know for a fact that quite a lot of parents are absolutely fucking woeful when it comes to online safety for their kids. They don't have a clue what their kids are looking at, and have a very 'ooooopsie, well what can you do?' attitude about things when it transpires that their kids have been exposed to totally inappropriate stuff.

FannyCann · 18/12/2021 07:59

The comments on the article include a fair share of victim/woman blaming, accusations of prudery and general darvo from porn apologists. Mostly from men of course. Hmm

WarriorN · 18/12/2021 07:35

I posted this elsewhere.

All the Women supported it. About 15.

3 men posted "alternative views for balance."

Including an article by a "sex worker" who basically victim blamed Billy.

highame · 18/12/2021 07:06

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/porn-apologists-are-running-out-of-excuses-rzxrs3087

If anyone's share tokens work. This is, as usual, a great Janice Turner article

EarthSight · 17/12/2021 23:11

I'm so, so glad someone thing influential and this young spoke out like this on the topic. Children have access to horrific stuff.

I wish her much healing.

ScrollingLeaves · 16/12/2021 17:27

@purpleboy

I am not sure what I think of Make Love Not Porn. Though I see the idea behind it, it is still voyeurism or exhibitionism, depending on whether you view it or upload films of yourself. It would still hijack the brains and physiology of a child as though it were crack-sex rather than sex from gradual experience.

Even if it way better than other, violent porn, it seems troubling to think there is an idea you must watch videos of porn to get sex education. And this sex education in itself will make you sexually addicted without ever experiencing a relationship.

Do people think no one could have sexual relations without seeing on line videos first?

I realise that in the real world people will look for porn, or find it by chance, if they are there.

purpleboy · 16/12/2021 15:03

apple.news/Ax3o2lyMOTqWLbxNfOXhMZQ

What do you think of this take on it?

Ghostsintheshelf · 16/12/2021 13:46

The murderer of Joanna Yeates was also obsessed with violent pornography.

Prosecutors in the case believe Tabak's fixation on hardcore pornography helps to make the case that this was a sex crime. They feel that his research on and suspected use of prostitutes shows that his respectable outward life was a lie.

After his arrest in January, analysts delved deep into four computers Tabak had access to and found disturbing material. Police discovered images and films showing women bound, gagged, degraded and controlled by men. They also found a film in which two women were bundled into a car boot.

Beamur · 16/12/2021 13:28

senua
I see your point, but personally I don't agree with this. It's up to me as a parent to decide what restrictions are on my children's phones. The school can decide if they permit phones in school or not.
I think it is an infringement of personal freedoms.

crossparsley · 16/12/2021 13:13

I think she’s amazing. I also think her saying this, as someone very close in age to a lot of her fans, might reach a lot of them. Adolescents can often do with an external ‘anchor’ to let them stick up for themselves, and it’s great that her young fans have this, not just general ‘you are worth it’ stuff or even the ‘take no shit’ stuff that other women in pop and rock provide. This is ‘take no sexual abuse’. She’s great.

Justsotirednow · 16/12/2021 11:12

@prudencepuffin

I meant that the one’s watching don’t care.
No informations seems to get through to them.
It seems porn is joke to THEM.

senua · 16/12/2021 09:36

For those who describe it as "shit and giggles"
I have pm'd you @prudencepuffin.

prudencepuffin · 16/12/2021 09:13

Comments from a psychologist on the Today programme this morning referencing Billie speaking up about this. Basically, watching porn at a young age messes up brain development which is particularly important in early adolescence. For those who describe it as "shit and giggles" - I find it really wierd that you think watching violent exploitative porn is in any way positive for anyone. And I dont care how bloody "vanilla" you think I am.

MoltenLasagne · 16/12/2021 09:08

So glad to see Billie speak up about this, it's a truly brave thing to do.

I don't blame her parents, it was very easy to circumvent Internet filters when I was younger and kids would share tips for how to avoid them.

senua · 16/12/2021 08:58

Schools do not have that authority.
But don't they have a duty of care?

not up to them to dictate how they're set up.
I don't like the word 'dictate'. It's not 'controlling' to expect minors to have age-restrictions on their phones.

Beamur · 16/12/2021 08:49

Schools do not have that authority. They can allow/not allow phones on their property but it's not up to them to dictate how they're set up.

senua · 16/12/2021 08:36

I remember a few years ago, a friend being horrified that her DD was shown porn on someone's smartphone on the school bus!
I know that the first line of defence is parental responsibility but, as we know, not all parents put filters on tech. Do schools also have a responsibility to say (and actually check) that phones are only allowed on site if they can show that they have filters?
Is this feasible? Would you have to check on the first day of every term (because people change phones)? Do random searches? Or some other, more technological, answer (showing my non tech-savviness there!Blush)