Mary Harrington's Thread: how old at your first sexual approach by a man?

I was an adult myself. Received plenty of horrible comments and behaviour from male peers but thank god nothing from adults while I was still a child. It's tragic that I now feel this makes me lucky..

Oh my goodness. I was about to post to say 12. But then I remembered - the pervy old neighbour (probably around 60 or 70) who used to rub himself against me and my sister when we were still in primary school and went to his house "for a sweetie". 🤮

Nothing happened to me and I grew up to be a very naive young woman. It took me ages to realise that men looked at me in "that way", and when I did, I felt quite disgusted.... :(

Age 6 an uncle, I can recall every detail, including a comment he made to my mother, which as young as I was, I understood that he was silencing me. He looked me in the eye as he spoke.

This is a horrible thread

it absolutely is. it also makes me feel a tiny bit less alone / ashamed.

12-13. Maybe a bit younger.

I was 8, someone came and sat next to me on a bench and took out his penis and started playing with it.

This is a horrible thread.

I was 12 on the bus back from school and a man sat next to me so I was pinned against the window and started stroking my leg. I was too scared to say anything or try to move. Luckily a woman spotted and told him to get away from me and he was then heckled off the bus to the shouts of "perve" from teenage boys. I'm so thankful to that woman - it made me feel really protected and I try to be very aware of my surroundings on public transport now in case I can do something similar for someone else in future.

I was about 9. My brothers friend, 5 years older than me, pinned me to the sofa and felt me up whilst my brother sat there and said nothing. Next time I remember was about 12/13 when I man came behind me, put his hand under my crotch and then laughed. After that I got hassled regularly right up until my mid 30’s.

Now I’m 52 and my DH is going to be my last relationship with a man.

And because we live in a society where male entitlement to use female biology is sympathised with as 'needs', where the consequences for grabbing a bit of female biology in passing is usually consequence free, and where even if you end up in court the female will be put through living hell, will be blamed for what she wore that made your lack of self control understandable, blamed for where she put herself knowing a male might be more easily able to take advantage of her body being there and available, and the jury will be worried sick about 'destroying' your life and prospects because such a shame for a male, and it was only a woman and an understandable urge.

That there's all these posts here from females who will never, never forget those moment and how horrible they were, and many of which will have been life changing even in small ways, just shows. We live in a world that believes females are not as human as males, and are largely support animals. Who shouldn't really be depriving males of access to needed biology.

12. I enjoyed the attention because it felt harmless and I felt valued. I never liked being a child and being treated like one, so it was a big step up in perceived status. Being objectified was better than being told that my thoughts and feelings didn't matter because of my age. I felt powerful. This is part of the reason why I understand the 'empowerment' libfem narrative - and also why I critique it.

I used to tell them (adult men!) that I was 15 because I thought they might feel bad if they knew they'd been attracted to a 12-year-old. 15 was safe to say because they'd still (mostly!) back off, but I got the positive attention I wanted.

Looking back many years later I just feel sad about it all. It was sad that I didn't have anything else to bolster my self-worth, and obviously I see now that they must have known I was very young despite the makeup.

11 or 12 when I was molested by a family friend.

More unwanted attention from men (comments, staring etc) starting from the age of about 13.

Education has nothing to do with it. These men and boys know what they're doing. They also know they're more likely to be believed than the victim is. They also know confusion and fear often paralyse the victim.
Men don't go around touching up other men do they? If you've ever been brushed up against or hugged inappropriately or had that hand on the small of your back "just so I can get by" and questioned if it was inappropriate, ask yourself if he'd do it to another man. He wouldn't. He'd made space for another man.

The other sad thing is that every time a compilation of these sadly common stories is put together, men get off on it. So although it's really important to share these experiences, please keep your personal details out of it. Men pretend to be women on online rape support forums and then stalk and harass women who have shared their most harrowing stories.

And +100 to the notion that "nice guys" benefit more from the existence of "bad guys" than they would from helping to confront them.

This such a deeply sad thread:
Sad that these instances are not rare they are commonplace
Sad that these men exist and got / get away with it
Sad the girls blamed themselves or felt ashamed
So sad that these events have affected these poor girls now women for their entire lives
Sad that the parents were either naïve or negligent or worse laughed it off.

Yes there is better education today for boys on what is acceptable behaviour to women but I fear that the boys that listen would not of behaved that way anyway and those boys who do behave that way don't listen to the education. So we are no better off than we were 40 years ago.

I was 10 or 11. My dad had taken me, my little brother and my best friend to the local swimming pool. He had to supervise my brother in the toddler pool, so my friend and I swam around together (we were very strong swimmers so didn't need close supervision).

A strange man came up to us, told us our swimming strokes weren't very good, and then with the pretext of "adjusting" our strokes, groped us both in the crotch. We got away very quickly, but somehow through some unspoken agreement we didn't call for help, and neither did we go to get my dad from the other pool.

I don't know why we didn't tell. Confusion? Shame?

I was about 7/8.

The boy was probably about 12-ish.

I've never told anyone else about it.

I was playing an arcade machine in a community club my family and i used to go to.
And the boy stood beside me and slid his hand between my legs.
I was horrified and ashamed.

I know it doesn't sound like much, but I knew it was wrong and I remember how it made me feel.

Around 9 or 10. Full on flashing and masturbation.

NOTE OF CAUTION
If you have also posted on the Twitter thread, you might want to alter some details if you post on here about this. The TRAs can and do cross reference here to link Twitter and MN IDs. They have doxxed at least one woman this way.

I was flashed at aged ten. The following year I was groped. I have never been pretty or outgoing and prefer dressing like a boy.

I was sexually abused by a cousin.
Started when I was 8 and carried on til I was 11.
He was 13 when it started.
He penetrated me when I was 11.
I have written down everything that he did.
I had counselling in my teens.
Nobody believed me before.

I can remember clearly the first time I was conscious of myself as a sexual object (and yes, it felt like being an object).

It was the summer I'd started growing breasts but wasn't really aware of it as such - I didn't give it any head space. I'd just turned 14.

I was at the beach on holiday in France with my younger brother and we'd not had our swimming costumes with us so we'd gone in the water in our pants. I ran up the beach to put my tshirt on and a man passing leered at me.

It was horrible. I immediately became self-conscious of my body and that was the end of going anywhere, wearing anything without being aware of how I looked to men.

Bottom held open with penis dangling flashed at at 12. Masturbated at on bus twice aged 13-14. Watched urinating by man at 15. Other stuff too when older obviously

1. Sexually assaulted by a gang of teenaged boys. First time I realised, being in possession of female biology in a public place where you're alone is not something you can safely do.

And incidentally I had short hair and was wearing trousers, so anyone wanting to tell me it was not my biology that a group of male people felt entitled to access regardless of my feelings on the matter but in fact my signalling of feminine gender really needn't bother.