Critic my Letter to DD school regards LGBT club

This SSA red flags PDF could be a useful thing to share with the headteacher safeschoolsallianceuk.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/redflagsa4.pdf

It's a brilliant letter and even if you do meet in person, sending the letter means there's a written record. Yes include the distress it's caused.

As a follow up you could push (FOI) to find out exactly what lobby group materials were used, what identities were 'taught', who the adults involved were and whether the local authority/council were involved.

Resources at the bottom of this Transgender Trend page include template letters and the harm caused by teaching gender identity, especially on girls. www.transgendertrend.com/schools-resources/

I agree with Bouledeneige about the wider question of why she is attending this club. When I was a similar age, we attended a lunchtime sign language course and when it ended, one of my friends arranged to keep it going as a club.

It allowed us to spend those lunchtimes having our packed lunch in a classroom in a small group of friends. My friend would do some BSL with us and teach anyone new who popped along, but mainly it was a refuge from the noisy main lunch hall and less pleasant social interactions. Had my friend been interested in anything else that was quiet and indoors, I probably would have followed her to that too.

I'm wondering if your daughter is just needing somewhere to be at lunchtime with a friendly face and this is her current solution. But it comes with the problem of needing to pick a label to be a member.

Maybe there are other lunchtime options?

Your letter is very good esp talking about safeguarding, that topic and mixed aged groups and about her needs, understanding and distress.

I agree with altering the bit about 12 and sex to something that just offers the suggestion that she maybe hasn't reached that stage of development yet.

It sounds like this group is putting unnecessary pressure on her.

Rather than a letter , would a face to face appointment with an appropriate staff member be more productive ?

Its very well written. Two minor comments:

• Its bordering on not boarding on.
• I also would revise the statement 'she is 12 years old and still in the very early stages of puberty, therefore she should not be considering sex'. I think this sounds judgemental about what's right and proper at a particular age and focusing sexuality on sex when really young people can feel attraction without yet having an interest in sex. Some young people at 11 or 12 do experience a sense of attraction to people of the other or same sex. This is perfectly normal and natural. Others do not and that's fine too.

So I'd re-word it to say something along the lines that no one should be expected to label themselves or express who they are attracted to if they don't want to or feel ready to. However, I think this does give rise to further questions which you might sensitively share with DD. Why is she attending this group then if she has no interest in sexual identity? Is it because she just wants to go to a club? Why this one and not others?

She tells me that she now needs to choose what sexuality she is and has become anxious she doesn't have a boyfriend or particularly have any sexual feelings towards boys, this has led her to become very distressed culminating in her deciding she must be bisexual. Even though she feels no attraction to girls.

This point concerns me - it sounds like they haven’t covered the possibility of her simply not having reached the stage of adolescence where her sexuality becomes apparent. Or, possibly, that some people are asexual. If they are going to be discussing things so openly, they should presumably consider both of these possibilities. Everyone develops at different rates. Your child sounds like they would benefit from taking a step back from this “club”.

In any case, we don’t “choose” our sexuality. It becomes apparent over time. The pressure being put on your child by this group is irresponsible & poorly thought out.

I’d add something about this feels less like a support group and more like my daughter is being provided psychology support and counseling from people who are completely unqualified. She is seeing / waitlisted to see a qualified psychologist / under professional medical care for her conditions and I’m concerned about the harm people who are not professionals specialising in her conditions may do, having neither sufficient knowledge, training or the commitments to safe clinical practice I can expect from her medical experts. I have not provided any consent for such sessions.

I’m trying to hint at if you inflict psychological harm on my child you may expect lawsuits!!

It's brilliantly written, well done

So sorry your daughter is feeling anxious and disturbed. I think your point about mixed age groups, differing levels of appropriateness, and lack of guidance are excellent and clearly made. I personally don’t think you’ve spoken too much about her distress.

This section: “ she is 12 years old and still in the very early stages of puberty, therefore she should not be considering sex.”

• I wouldn’t say “should not be considering sex” as plenty of 12 year olds do think about it, or at least have boy/girlfriends. The school might read that as you thinking all sex education is inappropriate for 12 year olds, and that no 12 year old should even be thinking about relationships, and might dismiss your other v good points. Perhaps slightly rephrase to: