Critic my Letter to DD school regards LGBT club

Schools have to (by law) ask for parents permission for every small thing in school involving the care if pupils - HOW is this considered to not be included or relevant?

I think schools and parents are too naive, trusting, and well-meaning. A perfect recipe for the disaster unfolding.

Also, part of the problem is, it's just not a nice subject to openly discussing between parents.

Nope not at all hysterical.

Any other safeguarding risk infiltrating schools and, in some cases, actively being promoted by schools, would require the same response.

When it’s looked at in that light we all appear incredibly calm, and possibly not hysterical enough tbh.

This needs action and needs parents well informed about how to take that action.

@RedCarpetRebellion Excellent idea!

I'm sure I come across slightly hysterical, but have had my eyes opened dramatically in the last few weeks, and it's frightening to witness the radicalisation of particularly our young girls. It's a bit like taking a pill in The Matrix and realising what has been happening under our noses.

Girls are turned against their parents, because we're 'bigots'.

@DoubleTweenQueen

I’d add Baroness Nicholson to the list to send it to also. Always replies also, unlike others.

[email protected]

(Andrew Methven, Parliamentary aid I think), but def gets passed onto her.

For any parent that has found this to be an issue, can I ask that when taking this up with, or complaining to school, you also forward your experience and concerns to your MP, and the relevant Gvmnt ministers for Dept of Education and for Women & Equalities?

These clubs should not be open to under 16s, for the following reasons:

It is a safeguarding issue that younger children and teens are attending these clubs, without parental knowledge. Often even school is not aware who is attending. This bypasses a parent's legal right to care and guide their child, and identity suitable counsel and support, should it be necessary.

It's my experience that schools are not formally assessing any safeguarding risk, and are extremely naive - they are an offshoot of wanting to be inclusive and anti-bullying (which is as far as they should be going).

No member of staff in school is suitably qualified to counsel young children and teens teens in personal matters of gender and sexuality. It should certainly not be happening in a club amongst peers of differing ages, developmental stage, and sex who are already a majority self-selecting LGBTQ+ cohort.

This is particularly important when taken in context of the strain on children and young people's mental health, exacerbated by the pandemic, and what is now fed to young people through social media.

These clubs are at worst potentially grooming/influencing, and at best affirming.

They go against, head on and at speed, an adolescents right to a neutral environment to live their lives and figure out who they are as they go through puberty.

Please watch/listen to this genspect.org/conferences/

I think you should set up a meeting to discuss exactly what is being discussed in these meetings. If your daughter is under any pressure to decide her sexuality, that is not on. If sex is discussed, that is not on. Those things need to be addressed.
But if it's a safe space for people to meet and chat about gay culture and just about life in general, then I think it would be a huge shame for the school to have to shut this club down. Lots of people know they're gay from primary school- I know people who have known since age 7- and being gay is still a very isolating experience in many, many schools. The impact on mental health is massive.

If the club is simply a safe space for mutual support, I'd try my very best to make sure that it continues.
Also, though you don't feel your DD is gay, it doesn't mean that she isn't or won't be. So I'd be very, very careful about how you treat this and the wording you use. It doesn't matter how many times you say you don't care about her sexuality, arguing against an LGBT group in school may well seem to her as unconscious homophobia. This, in turn, could lead to the many problems you say she's having.

Yes, that really is an excellent letter. I'm so shocked you've had to write it! How incredibly irresponsible of the school.

But social media and the influence of lobby groups very deep throughout social institutions including schools, means that unhelpful influence is everywhere, when they should be afforded a neutral environment to find out who they truly are.

Excellent letter OP.

It's a very odd youth movement. It involves alot much more admin and cataloguing than grunge ever did.

I 💜 this comment

In all seriousness, I find it dodgy that teens are encouraged to label their sexuality by an adult-driven movement before they've even had sexual encounters. Why is a label needed at this point? Who benefits? Why can't teens own their own emerging sexuality and sexual exploration?

Well done OP. The safeguarding implications of this are horrendous. There's a lack of protection for both students and staff in having unsupervised (as in the professional sense) mixed age meetings in schools discussing sexuality. It leaves the adult/ older students open to allegations of grooming. What on earth are they thinking?

Do make sure that you get all responses in writing and if you get a phone call (to try to make you go away) I'd insist on a face to face meeting with you taking notes or a letter of response.

I'd also ask for a copy of the school's complaints procedure as that's where this needs to go.

The problem is suggesting that gnc means the child is the opposite sex. Which pshe DfE guidance is clear must never be something any school teaches and they must never use resources from any organisation that teaches this- even if the resources they use don’t teach this.

School have to safeguard girls against boys. The pshe DfE guidance says they must teach girls to have boundaries and KCSE says they must teach children about safeguarding.

This club appears to ignore all of the above if mixing all ages groups and both sexes to discuss pshe topics.

I think your letter is great, but two bits of information might be useful to have up your sleeve.

One is that neurodiverse children often become sexually interested in others later than average, usually about two years later. Which I think is relevant here.

The other is that children with ASD are often looking for ways to explain their differences and gender non-conformity can seem like an answer rather than another problem.

I think it’s a great letter and sorry you are in this situation. Be aware that OFSTED are big on peer-on-peer sexual abuse after Everyone’s Invited, so asking how they safeguard children from inappropriate sexual conversations by their peers at this club might be fruitful.

Great job. Let us know how it goes.

Hi Sickoffamilydrama
I hope you don't mind I am being cheeky and I took your letter and restacked it.
You did a great letter, it is just that I like to frame the paragraphs as questions and "action points" for the school.

Dear

My daughter, [ add her name to make it personal to her and you] has just informed me she is attending a lunch time school LGBT club. She is 12 years old and still in the early stages of puberty, and is also autistic. [

Op sorry to come late to the party but can I add some suggestions please:

• I think you need to clarify in the beginning your daughter is autistic and 12 and prepubescent. Its better in communications to add the context up top so you make sure people don't miss it.
• I think I would flip it around a bit - rather than say you are concerned about the club first - say you are concerned about your daughter first and then say you think its linked to the club. The way you have written it if they disagree with you about the club they will maybe not pay as much attention to what you have written later about your daughter.

Dear ?
I have a safe guarding concern about my autistic daughter who is 12. She is showing signs of severe distress such as XXXX.

I believe that this in linked to her attendance of the XXX club where XXX and she is being exposed to conversations with sexual content that she does not understand.

She has not started puberty and does not have the emotional and mental ability yet to comprehend what is discussed at the meeting and put it in context and this is leading her to feeling distressed. For example she was apparently asked to choose what XXX she was but because she doesn't XXX she has concluded she is bisexual but she does not understand what this means and it is leading to her feeling confused and distressed.

A broader picture is her motivations for attending the club which I think are XX and that this need would be better suited by involving her in XXX.

You've got lots of good comments, but I agree you could make more of this.

wonder if there's some way of getting across that it is the fact she now feels she has to make a decision and that she doesn't have the emotional or sexual maturity to make that decision yet, today's really annoyed me. She fixated that she must meet X criteria to be X so if she doesn't then she must be Y

You could explain that the prominence given to labels, categories and flags by the club is harmful to her because of the way she has taken this on board. In other areas of life schools are against labelling people. But here they are very keen on categorising and pogeonholing. This might have come across to her as 'choose your label to be admitted to your new tribe, you get your own flag'. But its not appropriate because its pushing her to make a decision about her own sexuality and to declare it, when she's too young.

They should think about this for all the children.

It's a very odd youth movement. It involves alot much more admin and cataloguing than grunge ever did.

Agree with others saying be clear what response you want. Easier said than done! Good luck.

Choose private schools very carefully. Anecdotally, hearing from friends and acquaintances, they can be very poor at provision for SEN. And a belief in gender ideology is often rife amongst privileged youngsters. My local private girls' school is proudly climbing up the Stonewall accreditation ladder, despite Stonewall being against single sex anything.

I agree with all your points but I think the overall tone is quite aggressive and it might be better to tone down slightly. I also think that you need to explain 'tics' because most teachers won't know what they are, and certainly won't know what your DD is doing that counts as a tic.

"Dear
I writing to you to raise my concerns regarding the school's lunch time LGBT club, which my daughter informs me is open to children in all year groups. Whilst it is admirable the school wish to support pupils, I am concerned that sexuality is discussed in a mixed age group, as 16/17/18 year old have quite different needs and comprehension to a 12 year old. This massive difference between young and older teens is recognised in PHSE guidance hence why children are given age appropriate information.

My daughter, who is autistic and vulnerable, has recently been attending with her friend. She has become confused and anxious with her exhibiting increased tics, such as hair pulling and lip sucking.

She tells me that she now needs to choose what sexuality she is and has become anxious that she doesn't have a boyfriend or particularly have any sexual feelings towards boys. This has led her to become very distressed, culminating in her deciding she must be bisexual, despite feelingp no attraction to girls. She has then obsessively been drawing flags on herself and with her notebooks.

Prior to attending the LGBT club she had never exhibited any of this anxiety around her sexuality. She is 12 years old and still in the very early stages of puberty, therefore she should not need to be anxious about establishing her sexuality.

I am also concerned that there appears to be no pastoral or any other kind of support attached to this club which is present when PHSE is taught as part of the curriculum, neither was I aware of this club or my daughter attending it until she suddenly became distressed.

There also appears to have been no consideration for children like my daughter who have a disability that disadvantages her compared to her peers.The difficulties in understanding intentions, missing social subtleties, limited peer interactions and often lower emotional age, means that children with autism require more support or they risk misunderstand important information regarding sex and relationships.

Please contact me regarding this matter, as I am very concerned for my daughter's welfare."