Victim Support tweets that Transwidows are abusers

Isn't making your partner call you something they don't believe in also coercive control? Isn't that more abusive, and actually illegal?

To be fair, they say "use the correct pro nouns". So he/him then!!!

If I have a neurodiversity that means I am desperately literal, does my husbands wish to be referred to as 'she' trump my inability to deny what is in front of my eyes (I.e.a man)?

I have been helped by Victim Support in the past. Im really horrified at the stance they're taking. Really horrified.

I think the key voices we need to hear are those of the children of later transitioning transwomen. At 6 or 10 it must be so hard to stop saying Dad to your dad, especially if not-dad is hurt or angry every time you do it. And what are you supposed to call him instead, especially if the new name has a porn-star or drag queen ring to it.

And a 14 or 16 yo is going to feel all kinds of grossed out as their growing understanding of sexuality gives them mental images they'd probably rather not have. Just imagine a 19 to 19yo wanting to bring home a new bf or gf to meet their parents...

Also, there's the risk that not-dad will want to weep or unburden inappropriately on their kids. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Twitter is biased in so many ways.
I notice my 'likes' aren't sticking again and I have to like and unlike each post 4 or 5 times.
There's a popular reply to a post that is hidden. The main post is about harassing a woman and doxxing her, it has a few hundred likes. The popular answer had over 4,000 likes last time I looked. Sometimes answers are hidden on the grounds they may be offensive and they are completely innocuous.
Your account will randomly follow and unfollow other users.

Its often gender critical accounts that are targeted this way. I don't know if an other groups are affected by I never hear trans activists making these complaints.

If this was tweeted in June why has it come to light now?

I think an email to any/all of these might prove fruitful. Especially if including some of the realities of being a transwoman.

Transwidow rather than transwoman?

Oh and the Baroness, of course!

mobile.twitter.com/Baroness_Nichol?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

Emma Barnett
Stephen Nolan
Woman's Hour
James Kirkup
Janice Turner

I think an email to any/all of these might prove fruitful. Especially if including some of the realities of being a transwoman.

You can complain to Victim Support here:

www.victimsupport.org.uk/more-us/contact-us/complaint-about-victim-support/make-complaint/#gf_6

It might be possible to complain to the ASA;
''Contact the Advertising Standards Authority to complain about:

• an advertising campaign you think is offensive, deceptive or inaccurate''

Here's the link;
www.asa.org.uk/make-a-complaint.html

I can't post the link to the archived tweet as MN will hide it

I'd welcome input from a more knowledgeable person.

''Parenthood
The fact that a person’s gender has become the acquired gender under this Act does not affect the status of the person as the father or mother of a child.''
www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2004/7/section/12

Not on Twitter and wondering how to complain about this (once I have stopped banging my head I the wall). Fucking ridiculous.

Apparently Victim Support is right at the top of Stonewall's index, so an outlier organisation and disturbing example of how far things can go.

It is hard to see a way back for any organisation once things have reached this pitch. VS have painted themselves into a remote and tight corner by "anticipating the direction" of changes in the law which now seem blessedly unlikely ever to happen. Perhaps a root and branch change of top personnel would be a beginning, but meanwhile, who is helping the victims, including confused, unhappy little children, who are being cast as villains in a startling DARVO attack?

Victim Support are at number 25 in this years list of Stonewall top employers.

This makes me so upset and so angry. I usually stay away from posting on these boards because I don’t think I can be objective on this.

My closest friend is a trans widow. As it happens she does use her ex’s preferred pronouns and new name, because as far as she is concerned the man she loved and married (for 10 years) is gone.

But she also had a physical reaction (i.e. feeling physically sick) to seeing her ex dressed as a woman in the early days - linked to the sexual coercion, the lies, the broken promises, the rage, the porn, the slow realisation that her marriage was over.

So if she felt unable to use the preferred pronouns (whilst having to switch back to ‘he’ when out of the house of course, because her ex took a long time to go public) she would have automatically been an abuser?

She had to navigate the end of her marriage whilst not being able to tell anyone why (although sod that, I’d have shoved him out the closet). She had to support her children who were grieving for the loss of the father they knew (because her ex’s outward personality changed too, and her ex was more interested in their own transition journey than supporting the children). When her ex came out, Facebook was full of how stunning and brave and beautiful the ex was, while my friend had to keep quiet. She’s had people say she must have loved the gender not the person.

I’d really like Victim Support to take some time to understand the added pain and complexities of being in a relationship with someone who is transitioning.

Thinking about it, that tweet also suggests that for a child to ‘deadname or misgender’ a trans parent is abuse.

Why can't people who are trans but have partners who refuse to accept them, call them names,emotionally abuse them be abusers too?

The tweet said explicitly that deadnaming or misgendering are abuse. That is what is offensive. It's not only an absurd idea, but dangerous. A coercive or controlling relationship may include pressure on someone to act or speak certain ways. It may also include deliberate destabilising and criticism of the victim.

Are there now any public sector bodies that we, as women, can consider natural and able to help us in an impartial and respectful way? If you find any, please let us know

Fucking hellfire, that’s bad.

If your partner refuses to use your correct pronouns or deadnames you, this is abuse and it’s unacceptable

Being #misgendered or not allowed to dress the way you want to at home can feel like you're not allowed to be your authentic self. Transphobia is never acceptable, regardless of who it is coming from.

My jaw is on the floor. So the message to transwidows, and the parents, siblings and children of transitioners is that their feelings, their trauma, the abuse they may have been subject to are irrelevant, and also any reaction they have other than complete immediate enthusiastic acceptance is harmful.

That’s…nuanced, isn’t it?

Unsurprising level of Stonewall influence there. Yikes.

Also on that “Victim Support” twatter thread…..

So official statistics are wrong, and the only victims are trans people?

mobile.twitter.com/VictimSupport/status/1404352816538435586