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Original poster

Bringing your whole self to work

167 replies

FlyingOink · 14/11/2021 12:13

What are your thoughts on this?

As a lesbian, out at work and highly visible, I like not having to make up a pretend husband if questioned by colleagues.

But does my workplace need to know everything about who I am as a person? Is there any benefit to this?

I think the move towards always-on working, where WFH can bleed over into leisure time, the fact many people work shifts, zero or minimum hours, or casually, and the fact our employers seem to want to own us almost entirely makes the idea that I have to commit to sharing my whole self with them really off-putting.

Also, what do I do with this information about my colleagues? Is it relevant? Where I'd maybe get to know someone as a friend and then learn of their passion for model boats or romantic poetry or the Liberal Democrats, now am I expected to be faced with all of this information and somehow use it?

Is bringing your whole self to work forcing the issue, is it harmless as an idea, what does it mean for various people? And how do you set boundaries around privacy if other people are determined to overshare?

OP posts:
Original poster
FlyingOink · 14/11/2021 12:39

SusieSusieSoo that's a good point.

Perhaps things like single parenthood need to be able to be discussed openly, but other things not so much?
And is it the discussion that's the issue here or the fact your boss was inflexible and unsympathetic?

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KimikosNightmare · 14/11/2021 12:38

I have always shared as little as possible peivate information as possible with work colleagues. It's not relevant.

Original poster
FlyingOink · 14/11/2021 12:36

@Thelnebriati

I have a massive problem with it, partly because it feels like part of a wider assault on privacy. And partly because it feels like a massive step backwards; women had to fight for decades to get taken seriously in the workplace, to get rid of the nude calendars and harassment. We never achieved it because there was so much resistance to the idea that we have the right just come into work and do our damn job.
Yes. And an unwillingness to share personal details could easily be seen in the same way as being a ball-buster or a prude or being unable to take a joke. It seems likely that certain people (women) will be required to share plenty, while nobody asks or pays attention to the personal information relating to Roger in Accounts who looks like he should be on a register Confused

Also I can see the younger woker staff making their personal problems someone else's problems. God help the "office mum" who organises all the birthday cards and Christmas parties if Tree decides to vent about not being taken seriously as an enby greyace.

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EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 14/11/2021 12:35

Is bringing your whole self to work forcing the issue

Seriously, I never want people to bring their whole selves to work, I want to rely on my colleagues to do their work.

I don't want inappropriate dress standards, 'girl talk', colleagues free to express kinks or leers, domestic abusers bringing that attitude into the workplace - no. No, thank you. No.

Snugglepumpkin · 14/11/2021 12:35

I feel very uncomfortable with people forcing their personal lives onto me so I don't want anyone bringing their 'whole selves' to work.

I certainly wouldn't share my own personal life with random people because we happen to be in the same office.
Not because it's exciting or perverted, but just because it's none of those peoples business.

It isn't relevant to the job & I actually think it creates an unhealthy atmosphere where privacy is regarded as secrecy leaving staff under pressure to disclose personal facts that they shouldn't have to.

SusieSusieSoo · 14/11/2021 12:32

I've always interpreted this as not having to pretend/hide who you really are if you don't want to - not that you have to reveal all to the world at work.

So, for me I am very clear that I am a single parent and that it means I can't always do everything in a traditional way.

By talking about this it makes it easier for others to.

In a previous role I had to wfh and do my work at odd hours when a very young ds was ill. My boss was very unsympathetic about this ("I need you in the office Susie").

Because I'm clear that I know kids exist and get ill, it makes it a bit easier for my team to do the same and they know I am grateful if they can do some work if their dcs are ill but that I also know that poorly dcs need to be looked after and that might mean not being able to come to work and that we will manage and the world won't come to an end.

Re:the previous boss - it's absolutely true people leave jobs because of bad bosses...

Thelnebriati · 14/11/2021 12:32

I have a massive problem with it, partly because it feels like part of a wider assault on privacy.
And partly because it feels like a massive step backwards; women had to fight for decades to get taken seriously in the workplace, to get rid of the nude calendars and harassment. We never achieved it because there was so much resistance to the idea that we have the right just come into work and do our damn job.

Original poster
FlyingOink · 14/11/2021 12:30

@Disfordarkchocolate

God no. You get my work, you get me being professional, helpful and punctual and bloody good at my job.

The emotional labour of 'bringing my whole self', fuck that. I like a clear distinction between work and home.

Yes, emotional labour, that's what I was thinking of. It should be a personal choice, employers and colleagues shouldn't feel entitled to personal information. I mean, what if someone is closeted? Surely it's their choice whether they come out at work?
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ShirleyPhallus · 14/11/2021 12:28

I don’t think “bring your whole self to work” means “tell everyone all your business about your private life”

It means “we want you to feel comfortable sharing whatever you want to”. So if you’re a naturally private person, that’s fine. But if you want to be out and are a bit nervous, well the business supports you in that.

I think it’s quite a nice sentiment if incredibly cheesy

Nomoreusernames1244 · 14/11/2021 12:28

What exactly does that mean? Confused

I’ve had a variety of jobs over the last 40 years and personal lives have pretty much been just general office chat. One job people didn’t know I was married for over a year because nobody asked- if they had it’s no secret.

Most colleagues partners/kids come up in conversation- I’m on leave next week, going anywhere nice, no got bills/janes parents staying small talk stuff.

I’m not going to walk in and disclose all my personal minutiae but if people I ask I have no issues telling them most things.

Disfordarkchocolate · 14/11/2021 12:27

God no. You get my work, you get me being professional, helpful and punctual and bloody good at my job.

The emotional labour of 'bringing my whole self', fuck that. I like a clear distinction between work and home.

Original poster
FlyingOink · 14/11/2021 12:27

The easy way to set boundaries is either to tell white lies or to just cite 'personal reasons' or 'personal stuff going on....

What happens if you get reviewed and your unwillingness to bring your whole self to work becomes a problem? If your "perception" or "cultural fit" are affected by not wanting to know about Peter's nappy fetish? Or worse, if you don't tell everyone about your miscarriage and how it's affected your mood you are seen as being secretive?

That's an extreme example, but who the hell wants to tell David Brent anything personal?

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EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn · 14/11/2021 12:26

My whole self thinks gender is sexist bollocks. I’m not sure that’s what they have in mind.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 14/11/2021 12:24

Should add the first is fine, the second isn't.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 14/11/2021 12:24

It's a shitty concept. It seems to have evolved from people shouldn't have to hide who they are, to people should take every opportunity to tell everyone exactly who they are frequently and in great detail.

Leafstamp · 14/11/2021 12:21

I don't think it is a harmless idea. Some people are private people by nature and that should be respected.

It's also just a bit of nonsense catchphrase, I mean we are either always are whole self or never our whole self. When I'm working I adopt a role, when I'm at home I have a different role, when I'm out for coffee with a friend a different one again. That's perfectly normal.

I don't think it particularly considerate to harp on about stuff at work, it just not the right environment for it, apart from anything else it's often quite boring!

The easy way to set boundaries is either to tell white lies or to just cite 'personal reasons' or 'personal stuff going on....

Lovelyricepudding · 14/11/2021 12:17

I'm a lazy sod. Should I embrace this aspect of myself at work and demand they accept it because inclusivity?