Bringing your whole self to work

This is what really ticks me off about it - it's appropriation in many ways. Because employees with Autism should not have to mask and pretend to be neurotypical, it's very hard work and beyond stressful. Disabled employees should not have to mask, chronically ill ones shouldn't. It's about workplaces being actually equally accessible.

Yeah, I also agree with BloodinGutters, this isn't straightforward. It's perfectly possible to get along with people who have some odd or unusual behaviours and needs, and some people would do well to be more open to them. But people are still going to have to "mask" things at work sometimes. They just are. And actually quite a lot of people have to do this at work to some extent, it's very naive to assume it's just people with autism or disabilities or whatever.

I have pretty serious social anxiety about certain things, talking to new people to some extent, and especially talking on the phone. I'm an extreme introvert at the best of times and in some workplaces that wears. I've always had to pretend to be more comfortable with those things than I am. I've often had to pretend about physical ailments over the years, that I do not feel sick as a dog, that my pregnancy has not given me the worst pikes ever, etc. This stuff is not interesting to other people at work, they can't do anything about them, they just want to be able to get along with you and for you to do your job.

Some people can't modify their behaviour of course, but that will limit some of their options. Ideally not unnecessarily, but in a role that requires a lot of interpersonal sensitivity, for example, some people may not be able to manage.

[quote Santastuckincustoms]@LobsterNapkin it's probably because men are able to DO more stuff to have it to talk about. The gold, the cycling hobbies etc. All facilitated by women who are left to share their personal side because they don't have time/space for extra hobbies IME. Women also have more to prove at work so saying you spent all weekend canoeing comes across less well than saying you spent it working on a work project (at least at my work).[/quote]
I don't know about that, I would say it is true among younger, unmarried women without kids, as well.

@Artichokeleaves

I agree with your meaning, as someone with disabilities and with children with disabilities.

But even this has to be work place appropriate.

If someone has borderline personality disorder or severe anxiety or ptsd or any other mh problem and comes to work and tells everyone how suicidal they are/obsessions they have/self destructive behaviours they have/feelings of rage they have, and then say that’s just their disability and they should be able to bring their whole self to work, then that wouldn’t be ok.

I’ve had reasonable adjustments at work for me Adhd where I can use the managers office to type up paper work rather than the communal office. I’ve had a member of staff complain about this before claiming it negatively impacts their mh problems. She claimed it set off her paranoia and she felt anxious working late shifts just with me because ‘she felt lonely and unsupported’ when I’d do risk assessment or support plans in the managers office in between seeing service users. She’d be miffed I never took a break to eat dinner with her because I’d just grab cup of soup & some bread to have while I’d be typing or I’d grab something when supporting a service user out to get their own dinner. But to me I prefer being on the go at work and I feel anxious if I’m not on top of paper work and don’t use time productively. Plus, it was a job where I was a mh support worker for adults with paranoid schizophrenia and other serious mh problems. I didn’t need to be a support worker for my coworker when I was supposed to be filling in the paper work to help support our service users.

We had a lot of problems with staff like this, only this one aimed it at me specifically but there were several stage incidents I witnessed and had to report to managers then. I was really young also, 21/22, which made it harder to figure out appropriate boundaries. We had some very unwell service users, some who were dangerous and ended up back in hospital. But I found them so much easier to figure out boundaries with them because we were supported to. But there was a very pro mh/pro disability attitude in terms of employment, which in a lot of ways was great- it’s probably part of why they employed me as part time around uni- but it meant we had a lot of dysfunctional staff members at times and the mostly young female staff team were almost expected to act as support workers for coworkers also. I’ve been on my own with drunk male member of staff, alone with another guy who had a break down in front of me and started talking about how he wanted to kill himself after growing up in a war torn country and watching his mother get raped and why didn’t I care (I was in trauma therapy at the time because of my own csa) there was a member of staff who continually pissed off service users by refusing to give the support scheduled and claimed her bipolar disorder made her erratic (she was just rude imho) another who had hearing impairment who would stand so close to service users they became (more) paranoid because she couldn’t hear or do it to us and said we’d just have to get used to it, and another who would talk about her eating disorder in front of service users and count calories in what they ate. Oh and one who claimed religion cured his depression so our service users must all try it and they wouldn’t need clozapine anymore.

This is 20+ years ago now, so maybe not as relevant. But there’s often going to be more than one person with disabilities in any organisation and although we shouldn’t have to hide it or pretend to not have disabilities it doesn’t mean we should bring all the problems disabilities cause us into the workplace either. There has to be an appropriate balance, and it’s senior staff who should be setting that, and ‘bring your whole self to work’ feels like it could backfire in so many ways.

That's absolutely a cause I'll get behind - although it could be phrased a whole lot better, since as a disabled person like most pps here, I'll share what I want to share thanks, and I'm there to do a job. But not forcing people to mask a disability or feel they have to be nervous about letting slip about a same sex partner is not the same thing as behaving sexually inappropriately in the work place and expecting that to be ok because otherwise that's masking too.

As always with this politics, it's where it becomes appropriation to push other people's boundaries while making it hard for people to say no.

My last post may have seemed a bit glib, but as others have said it is perhaps the difference between men and women in the office. Women would maybe ask about the home life set up, the men just went straight for the football team.

My conversations when I was in that team were very different to the ones I have now where the male / female balance is the other way round.

@LobsterNapkin it's probably because men are able to DO more stuff to have it to talk about. The gold, the cycling hobbies etc. All facilitated by women who are left to share their personal side because they don't have time/space for extra hobbies IME. Women also have more to prove at work so saying you spent all weekend canoeing comes across less well than saying you spent it working on a work project (at least at my work).

Haven't read the full thread, but just wanted to say that I think this concept is total bs.

I worked for a big tech company that was really into this and into celebrating diversity, being open about your mental health difficulties etc. I thought it was great.

Then they hired my abusive ex into the same office. I tried to get reasonable accommodations made, like being able to block him from seeing my posts in the company discussion forums and not being literally in the same office building as him. They were incredibly upset on my behalf, really understood how traumatic and upsetting all this must be for me, but told me that they were not going to do anything. But they were very sorry I was upset.

I then wrote a long piece for their special "Open up about mental health" initiative about my experience of emotional and sexual abuse and how my abuser was now in the same office as me which was uh difficult. My boss, who was incredibly supportive, encouraged me to publish it, but it got shut down (obviously) by a senior HR person (who also bizarrely encouraged me to report my ex to the police). I quit.

I don't think these company mantras are anything more than marketing bullshit. When push comes to shove, the company will fuck you over totally if it saves them a scandal or benefits their bottom line. Don't believe the hype and join a union (but not UCU).

I don't know why, but it's something I noticed because I find it a lot harder to make small talk with women. They talk more about personal things. Men tend to talk about stuff they do.

So it may be that women in a workplace need to adjust their natural tendencies more. I think this is something they are capable of doing and it seems to be somewhat culturally dependent too, based on my observations of women's small talk in other countries.

But I also think it’s much harder for younger staff especially to develop an understanding of healthy boundaries in the workplace if the senior staff are encouraging ‘bring your whole self to work’ as some pro inclusion policy. I suspect many, especially young women, would really struggle to get the balance right while trying to people please and show an effort to help others ‘feel included’.

Workplaces should have robust policies about what is and isn’t appropriate at work.

Do you feel that requiring more emotional output from employees puts you at a disadvantage?

Not really. I'd like co-workers to understand what it means to have autism (no, we're not robots; no, not all of us are good at maths) to be clearer in communication and to dial down the office politics.

When I first started my current job I was in a team that was predominantly male (me and one other female). First and most important question to me was what football team I supported.

Creepy is the least of it FlyingOink.

A short blog post reminding that some people are bisexual so please don’t be surprised if someone mentions a boyfriend one week and a girlfriend another (in the context say of casually mentioning who picked them up from work), is very far away from the detail of their bisexual experience which is not appropriate for the workplace and is clearly going to be wank fodder in the workplace for some. I can’t think who would want to encourage that

And absolutely re over sharing. Some people really do live by the adage “knowledge is power”.

I have autism and do everything I can not to bring my authentic self to work. I expend an enormous amount of energy masking my condition and trying to pass myself as "normal".

I don’t think anyone should have to lie or cover up anything about themselves at work.

Well, Ryannah convictions for rape would go up at least, if men could happily confess their extra curricular activities in the morning..

..and there’s the problem with the concept; do they really mean ‘whole selves’ without sanction and therefore requiring us to re-visit what is and isn’t criminal, or do they not mean ‘whole selves’ and thus revealing the whole thing as bullshit?

I think many more people would be sacked if we all bought our 'whole' selves to work 😂😂 no-one should have to make up fake husbands but neither do my coworkers need to know my thoughts, opinions and life experiences on everything. In fact in my role I can't do that it would make it impossible to do the job which requires a certain distance from coworkers.

I miss boundaries.

Women are disadvantaged by having a professional self. It impacts the relationships you form at work if your guard is always up and that can be detrimental for climbing the ladder. Men don't have to worry about this because they don't tend to get the negatives of sharing and they have common neutral topics like sport (I know women can talk sport too but it IS gendered).

So if you could share without judgement it would be beneficial for women. But pretending people aren't judging you and actually not being judged are two different things!

Never share anything you don't want to share. Have a work persona. You are entitled to boundaries.