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Original poster

Boy in a skirt in girl's toilets

40 replies

NiceTwin · 10/11/2021 07:20

Now I don't know if I'm outraged with good reason or if I am just old fashioned.

Child started school as a boy, there were a number of complaints of him inappropriately touching girls, not sure if this is of any relevance.

Now year 11 and goes by a girls name, wears a skirt.

There are unisex toilets in school but these are for younger years - Covid has affected toilet allocations.

This person enters the girl's toilets to chat to their friends, never uses the facilities.
My daughter and her friends are uncomfortable with this.

I want to have a chat with school about it, dd is happy for me to do so.

Would I be out of order to do so? Should I just be a bit more accepting of this? I am raging on my dd's behalf.

Having worked in a school previously, those who were identifying as a different gender had access to the disabled toilets, which I thought was an acceptable solution.

OP posts:
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Original poster
NiceTwin · 14/11/2021 18:39

To answer some questions @WarOnWoman, no, I had two other parents who were ready to complain if necessary.
@BloodinGutters I know the student was spoken to by the SLT who I was corresponding with on Friday morning. They didn't access the toilets on Friday, the first time they didn't last week.

I am sure my dd will let me know if it continues to happen.

OP posts:
2319inprogress · 14/11/2021 17:53

Great update NiceTwin well done!
I would be double checking all their overnight trips policies too (although I realise they may not actually be planned currently)

Phobiaphobic · 14/11/2021 17:40

@NiceTwin

School have backed down, the relevant pupil will now be using their gender neutral toikets.
Nicely done, Nice!
Clymene · 14/11/2021 16:51

@NiceTwin

School have backed down, the relevant pupil will now be using their gender neutral toikets.
Well done for standing up for your daughter and the other girls in the school
334bu · 14/11/2021 16:46

👋👋

ChristinaXYZ · 14/11/2021 16:43

@NiceTwin

School have backed down, the relevant pupil will now be using their gender neutral toikets.
Well done!
WarOnWoman · 14/11/2021 14:16

This was in the other feminism area. Probably why it didn't get many replies at the time. Really, it needs to shouted from the rooftops about what is happening in schools and what actions parents can take.

WarOnWoman · 14/11/2021 14:10

@NiceTwin Oh well done you. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻. Very pleased for your daughter and all the girls in the school. Did you get the other parents to speak up too?

I hope that is the end of it. If there's any infraction by any males re: accessing the girls spaces, I am sure you (and the girls and their parents) will contact them.

Thanks
BloodinGutters · 14/11/2021 11:27

@3peassuit

What happens in single sex schools when a child changes gender? May the still use the loo that matches their sex rather than their identity? I must admit, I find the whole thing baffling.
Yes they can. It would be sex discrimination if they refused to let them.

It would be reasonable to offer a third option also, dfe recommend this, but they can’t expect the child to use the third option and not the toilets for their biological sex.

What schools can not legally do is let a child into the toilets for the opposite sex.

3peassuit · 14/11/2021 10:49

What happens in single sex schools when a child changes gender? May the still use the loo that matches their sex rather than their identity? I must admit, I find the whole thing baffling.

Cailin66 · 14/11/2021 10:44

@NiceTwin

School have backed down, the relevant pupil will now be using their gender neutral toikets.
Well done you. Just shows the rest of us if we give a little pushback, gently and politely, we can make the schools back down.
cowburp · 14/11/2021 10:41

Could they also put a teacher on the door to stop kids hanging around in the loos? Adults wouldn't do it.

BloodinGutters · 14/11/2021 10:40

@LivMumsnet

We've moved this to the Gender discussion topic now. Thanks.
This is a post about safeguarding in schools - why was it moved to fwr?
BloodinGutters · 14/11/2021 10:38

@NiceTwin

School have backed down, the relevant pupil will now be using their gender neutral toikets.
I hadn’t read this when I posted.

Do you trust this?

Have the fixed their policy? Shown you proof of that? Are the board of governors aware?

Imho if I were you, I’d at the very least be informing ssa and ensuring that the board of governors are well aware of this and will take steps to clarify their policy in line with laws and dfe.

I just couldn’t accept their word if people trained in safeguarding took steps to allow him in the girls toilets in the first place.

FOJN · 14/11/2021 10:36

Moving a post about safeguarding to the naughty step on a parenting website, @MNHQ what were you thinking?

I suspect the post was moved less for the OP and more because of the advice given. It would be terrible for parents to have information about how to address these concerns!!!

It's sinister.

Zerogravity · 14/11/2021 10:35

This is not a post about gender ideology or feminism. Please move it back.

BloodinGutters · 14/11/2021 10:34

@NiceTwin

Now I an raging further! School think they adhere to the relevant legislation and it is all good.

I pitched my email at the deputy head because I had his email. Everything goes through a central email normally but I don't want the office being privy to it and gossiping.

I will be taking this further @WarOnWoman, any advice?
I have attached the relevant DofE document so he can bring himself up to date with it.

Report to ofsted.

They are breaking buildings regulations act on single sex toilets, breeching equality act on single sex spaces and the dfe guidance on equality act and it’s a huge safeguarding risk.

Ofsted were quoted in the time just the other week saying half of all outstanding secondaries will be loosing their rating, some dropping to inadequate. They referenced the peer on peer abuse report, that shows 15000-16000 sexual assaults by peers, 10% under 10 years old, 9/10 perpetrators male and 8/10 victims female. They talked about secondaries in the interview but it will filter down to primaries also.

The Keira Bell high court judgement comes into play also, for the trans child in question, as it says children can not consent to transition, so even if parents support this schools could face law suits if they transition a child.

Email safe schools alliance for support. Use their resources, transgender trend resources, dfe guidance on equality act. Email baroness Nicholson too.

Read the schools grievance procedures and use them. Involve the board of governors and your mp also.

Take action. School are wrong and breaking lots of laws, but they don’t stop until parents take action.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 14/11/2021 10:32

Ah yes. The Naughty Step.

Can't have mother's, women, discussing such stuff out in the open.

Who reported it I wonder. A regular poster or a monitor?

This is the reason so many of us who actually use FWR fought against the changes. It was forced upon us by people who objected, were not regular users and is, as anticipated, being used to coral such conversations, to build a single place that can be pointed at with "See, that's all they talk about".

Again, badly done @MNHQ.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 14/11/2021 10:27

NiceTwin, well done for protecting your DD and the other girls by tackling this and persisting till you got it sorted.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 14/11/2021 10:24

Mumsnet, won’t you please let threads like this stay where other mums will see it? It’s not specifically a feminist issue. It’s an issue involving children’s privacy and safety at school. You are wrong to hide it from women whose children may be be encountering the same problems.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 14/11/2021 10:07

Yet another post moved to the naughty corner.

SomepeopleareTERFSgetoverit · 14/11/2021 10:03

@LivMumsnet

We've moved this to the Gender discussion topic now. Thanks.
Who asked for it to be moved?
TeamRex · 14/11/2021 10:01

Where was this posted originally?

beastlyslumber · 14/11/2021 09:55

@LivMumsnet

We've moved this to the Gender discussion topic now. Thanks.
But this is relevant to all mums with kids in school, surely? It's not a discussion of ideology, or feminism, or women's rights. It's a discussion about what happens to children in school. Why does it need to be moved anywhere? Are parents' concerns not what MUMSnet is supposed to be all about?
MNHQ
LivMumsnet · 14/11/2021 09:36

We've moved this to the Gender discussion topic now. Thanks.

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