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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Would you consider this bisexuality or hetrosexuality?

29 replies

invisiblecats · 29/10/2021 10:35

I do have a reason to be asking this, it isn't just naval gazing, honest!

I'll explain why in a bit, but first of all I'd like to ask, is it OK for me to call myself bisexual or is it being dishonest?

I'm in a relationship with the father of my children. All the relationships I've had have been with men.

However in the past I've (very happily!) had sex with a few women. Were I single although I'd be looking for a relationship with a man and not actively looking for one with a woman, I wouldn't totally rule out the idea of a relationship with a woman if the right one happened to come along.

If asked if my sexuality on forms I usually (but not always) say I'm straight, because feel it's unfair for me to claim to be bisexual when I'm living a hetrosexual life, I don't experience any of the discrimination that women living as a bisexual woman do. Also I'm conscious of a lot of straight people claiming to be "queer" for bullshit reasons and it must be really fucking annoying for LGB people to have to deal with this nonsense. I want to be respectful.

So, if I call myself bisexual, is that unfair? Or simply describing reality given I do actually really like having sex with women, even if I don't do it very often or have any intention to do so in the near future?

OP posts:
ComDummings · 29/10/2021 10:41

@GemmaRuby

I think it’s fine to say you’re bisexual (if you want to). If a gay man wasn’t currently in a relationship (or had never even had a relationship/sex at all) he could still say he was gay.
This ^
MonsignorMirth · 29/10/2021 10:41

Some ppl would argue that by not saying "bi" you're decreasing visibility of bisexual ppl (lots are in hetero relationships so wouldn't "obviously" be seen as anything other than straight).

It's an interesting question that I'm sure others will have more to say on! But also will depend on the aim of the form? If it was to survey prevalence of sexualities I'd say bi. Probably also anything to do with diversity monitoring.

LobsterNapkin · 29/10/2021 10:39

I think you would be fair to choose whatever seems right to you with this.

Filling out a form, I might keep in mind what the purpose of the question was, and answer accordingly. Or, I just wouldn't fill out that part if I didn't think it was really relevant.

GemmaRuby · 29/10/2021 10:38

I think it’s fine to say you’re bisexual (if you want to).
If a gay man wasn’t currently in a relationship (or had never even had a relationship/sex at all) he could still say he was gay.

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