Great. Son now says he’s trans.

Might I add that no one is born in the wrong body.

If I were a member of staff in your school I think I would recognise that child. I might not know anything about the reasons behind these actions or the school's response or his parents' feelings and could put it together from this. There are lots of anecdotes on threads like this but this one stood out to me as crossing a line and potentially being identifiable.

It's just really poor practice when you work with very vulnerable people to put a lot of details about them online. I'd be more reassured if you had said, 'don't worry, I have changed lots of the fundamental parts of this to protect the child's anonymity.'

And I find your judgements about the parents to be in particularly poor taste in the light of this tbh.

Receipts receipts receipts.

Stonewall?

The lobby organisation for trans rights which just has been dropped from several public institutions?

Stonewall which is trying to silence a black lesbian?

Strange advice

Try not to beat yourself up over this, you certainly haven't failed your children.

We all know how bad social contagion is right now and there is a possibility that this a phase or even just something to pin his worries and troubles on.
Wether he is trans or not it sounds like he could use some counselling.
I think your next move really depends on his age.

Would you and the rest of the family be comfortable with allowing him to explore his feelings within the confines of the family home ?

I have a trans child but we really knew from a young age that this was a possibility.
Probably been quilty of affirming but it's a narrow path to tread, I don't think there is one size answer for everyone.
You know your child better than anyone, what is your gut feeling ? Have you thought about your next step yet?

There was a lovely trans lady on here a while ago who worked with a charity helping young trans people unfortunately she was driven off of these boards but she would always suggest a mixture of watching and waiting along with reversible affirming, so things like clothes etc around the home.

I don't know if this is helpful, but I thought it was an interesting suggestion, made by a transwoman I used to follow on Twitter (I'm afraid I can't remember the name, but I think they're no longer posting). They were very clear about the profound influence and cheerleading of 'community voices' for young people who are wondering about their gender identity, and made a suggestion for parents whose kids announce that they are trans: to suggest to your teenage child to withdraw from social media (and as much internet use as is possible for someone who is studying) completely for six months. If what a young person is feeling is truly inherent to themselves, a six month pause to consider it, while focusing fully on all the other aspects of your life, is pretty small beer. And it's a chance to demonstrate (to themselves as much as anyone else) that the idea isn't being fed or reinforced by external influences.

I don't know how practical it would be. But I thought it could be quite a useful conversation starter to encourage young people to reflect on how that idea makes them feel, and what it means to them, open conversations about what they've been reading/watching/engaging with, and allow some space on both sides.

Cross post @Helleofabore

You may as well suggest mermaids

If you had caught up with reading, you would know that WPATH are even about to update their guidelines and prominent trans health professionals have all started to admit that the advice of yesterday is not really fit for the current cohort.

But sure, recommend an organisation that has forecably changed the definition of same sex attraction.

May I offer Stonewall as a suggestion for support and advice?

www.stonewall.org.uk

Therapy is a good start. They need to get to the root of why they think they are trans and non binary.

Body dysphoria is not something that can be treated by just going along with it. That’s the main thing.. you need to examine in an objective not affirming therapy session, that explores why your children feel this way.

I wouldn’t agree to hormones or anything without extensive therapy to get to the bottom of this.

And yes you’re probably right OP. Too much internet has a lot to do with it. Many children are on Sociak media and everyone wants to be “different”.

It used to be that no one wanted labels. Everyone just wanted to be seen as humans and see just how similar we were across racial, nationality lines and women and men seeing how we could all get along better. Now the focus is on labeling yourself to death so everyone recognizes how special and different you are.

My ds14 has recently decided that he wants to be trans too, I am concerned that his girlfriend has also decided that she wants to be trans and they hang around as a group of teens that either are or want to be the opposite sex. I have no issues with him being whoever he wants to be but he's always had issues fitting in and I'm more concerned that he's doing this to be a part of a group.

I don't know how to find out what he really wants as he just thinks I should start buying him girl clothes otherwise I'm not supporting him properly.

So I have no advice at all, just wanted you to know that you're not alone and we're all muddling through this together!

Ask Transgendertrend charity for advice, they are great at this.

Do not book him a doctors appointment, doctors are under huge pressure to simply agree with the child and put them on a pathway that ends in drugs and hideous surgery. Counselling might be a good idea but I think it’s currently more likely than not that the counsellor will again be pressured to simply affirm his beliefs.

Reduce his internet access, I know it’s hard. You are the adult. You can set up a child account on his computer so he can only access authorised sites. You can takeaway or change his phone. He has been brainwashed from somewhere and you need to work out where it’s coming from. It may be the school in which case consider changing his school.

Let him wear what he wants and explain that clothes / make up etc is nothing to do with what sex we are. Get away from talking about ‘gender’ and ‘nonbinary’ and make conversations more about sex, which is binary. He will never, no matter how many drugs he takes or surgeries he undergoes, be able to ovulate or have multiple orgasms in one session or give birth or breastfeed or experience menopause. He will never be a woman sexually. If he chooses to define the female gender in terms of clothing stereotypes, and to try to lersuade those around him tonperceive him as female, that’s up to him, but make sure he knows what is not possible.

Many boys who say they are trans are gay but have negative feelings about being gay. Explore this. Take advice from LBG Alliance. Maybe help him meet people who accept him as a gay man without pressuring him to see himself as female.

My DD has a friend who was born female but has been calling themselves by a male name and identifying as male since at least year 7 (that was when my DD met them).

Their Instagram is full of photos of them dressing up in French maid outfits and doing what I would call ‘little girl lost’ poses with various Hello Kitty cuddly toys. Not something I would think matches with wanting to identify as a boy.

They have autism and anorexia and I just feel so sorry for this lost little girl who has no fucking clue what to do. Instead of getting help she is being left to ‘explore’, and as far as I can see it is ruining her life.

You have my sympathy namebunny.

Surely she should be allowed to just get on and explore quietly without being labelled at this stage?IMO.

I agree. However the peer pressure is so immense. I have also heard of girls now declaring themselves to be bisexual to fit in from talking to other parents at the school.

Any person who denies there is a whole range of external pressures being applied to our tweens and teens is simply not living with a child of that age right now, or has a child without any social anxiety or other issues and who has remained blissfully unaware of what is happening around them.

He called me about something else, and is calling my daughter this new name, to me! He says she is 16 so legally she can use it. I didn’t ask him to use it, and now I feel, well, really disturbed.

I have two friends who have children have changed their name on the school register without the parents knowing or permission.

It is quite interesting to listen to Baroness Nicholson who has done a lot of work with trafficked children and what she has to say about allowing these changes and how child protection is failing in allowing this.

I just feel he is jumping too quickly and without thought.

That could very well be. There seems to be the push back that parents are phobic etc. I know damn well my own teen completely over emphasised things that were just a minor issue when they were in therapy sessions. Because they felt they had to have something to talk about. They admitted it later when they confessed the therapy wasn’t working and wasn’t useful really. And that time to work themselves out and finding new friends (their choice) helped more.

So, I know that sometimes teens do amplify issues because they feel pressure to make it more than it is. You as the child’s parent will have insight into it, whereas the teacher/psychologist may not have that benefit and should not discount the child presenting their distress ever. Because the distress could just as easily be really at the described level or even understated. It is a very hard on all people involved in my experience.

for all the parents of dysphoric sons and daughters on this thread.

I am so sorry namebunny. Someone with personal experience of this will come along soon.

I worry that the instant affirmation makes it harder for children to backtrack. I can understand your worry, especially as your child doesn’t seem too keen on this in the first instance.

Do have a read of the webpage below

bayswatersupport.org.uk/

I have only encountered this gender teachings in our schools recently. As a result my son is now trying to conform to sex stereotypes. He is a boy, very happy to be a boy and great at sports. It is too bad that he now thinks that he cannot do certain hobbies as they may turn him into a girl. Don’t get me wrong, he has a lot of hobbies that he likes. But I think all children should be able to do everything they like without worrying about some magic glitter being turning them into the opposite sex. DS is only 9.

It is a big issue Name and I direct you to this.

safeschoolsallianceuk.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/22Aug_Advice-note-schools-socially-transitioning.pdf

Your DD hasn't changed her name by deed poll, the school should use her registered name and any nickname you included in entitlement forms. This is a big issue, you are the parent, the school are overstepping.

Personally, if it were me, I would be very wary of this teacher and I would start to ask some questions.

Sorry, doesn’t sound like to big an issue compare to the above!

Hello, can I join in? I have t read every comment, but it’s raised concerns that we’re bubbling at the back of my head. I can move this if it’s the wrong place. Thanks.
Dd 16, has non binary older people at school. She’s decided she’s non binary and her friends, were all super supportive ( wanted something exciting to talk about)and pushed her into telling the teacher ( she admits she didn’t really want to) the guidance teacher called me, to explain, already referring to MY daughter as they and by the new name she’s chosen. He / idiot was telling me he could have her new name on the exam results and that he’d put her name down for some lgbt counselling.
Horrified, I called the lgbt counsellor who said, no, they are just there to help, and if it’s raised by the child they would talk it through. The guidance teacher has obviously forgotten to put her name down anyway.
This all sits really uncortably with me, it’s like it’s all got way out of hand. It’s like he’s falling over himself to be cool, and it’s utter crap.I’d like the school to ‘ forget’ to use the name and to let it blow over. Surely she should be allowed to just get on and explore quietly without being labelled at this stage?IMO. She’s there to study, not be put though added stress.
He called me about something else, and is calling my daughter this new name, to me! He says she is 16 so legally she can use it. I didn’t ask him to use it, and now I feel, well, really disturbed.
I just feel he is jumping too quickly and without thought.
What do I do?

It’s the absence of choice, autonomy and consent, because they are unable to access those things. But masquerading as all choices all the time. Which makes it even more confusing for these kids, especially girls.

Ohhh dear OP.

I think it's not just the Internet it's everything. There's too much choice. My Grandad swore by that phrase and he would play pot with my grandma for giving us too much choice.

It makes things complicated and I'm not surprised children of today seem confused.

And I am discussing consent with my own teen, I realize that I forgot to add that in.