What would you do if your 13 year old daughter was diagnosed with gonnorrhea?

In the 80s, sexually active children were seen as provocative rather than victims of abuse. I was being groomed back then, was also raped (different situation) and my mother didn't want anyone to know because I was a 'Lolita' apparently. Seducing a man away from his wife and kids.

I was innocent, didn't really understand what the adults were driving at, thought it was above board.

Society viewed men as easily tempted.

So disgusting, but a prevalent attitude. Mandy Wiseman was married to a decades older pop star at 16, having been his girlfriend for ages. All over the press. No one seemed to question it. Teenagers were groupies, a perk of being a pop star. They were admired for the class of man they'd managed to attract. We teen girls aspired to a boyfriend with a car. Ie, older, at least semi independent.

Our childishness wasn't understood, we were sexually desirable and it was our job to stay pure and guard ourselves from men, rather than theirs to recognise we were children.

You deserved better mothering

Xx

I'm so sorry OP.

I was born early 70s grew up 80s.

Child sexual abuse was never mentioned. Not in the news. Not anywhere. Not ever.

In general. Rape abuse etc and DV were seen as. Impolite? Not something anyone wanted to hear about.

Brush under carpet. Don't make s fuss.

Back then I doubt the police would have been interested. At all. Look at all the Jimmy saville stuff. Loads knew. No one did anything. Just not what you do.

And yes now parents seem better. But in the end. A lot of the time it's the same. Don't make a fuss. Tear family apart. Police if interested it will be a nightmare for everyone. Are you making it up? Everyone will think you are....

It's how it was back then. It was the norm.

I'm so sorry. Your mum and the nurse acted in the way that was normal then.

Yes it was awful. And yes feel very angry upset let down.

In the end what they did was standard then.

Try and divert your anger towards the man. It's all his fault.

And try to in the end. Very difficult. Can take a very long time. Let go of it.

Dwelling on it will do you no good and will not change anything.

I know it took me 20 years but now..I remember. And he was despicable. But I don't get emotional. I don't get upset anymore.

Again. That's really hard. I don't mean to sound insensitive.

And I'm so so sorry.

I’m so sorry, OP - that is horrific. I second those who have said that some therapy now would be good. You deserve to be able to talk to someone about this

My mum was a social worker - as far as I remember, it wasn’t until the 1989 Children Act that professionals (like healthcare workers, teachers, social workers etc.) had a statutory duty to report abuse; it was the Act that brought in something more like the contemporary notion of safeguarding. Before then I think it was very patchy as to whether you got responsible care. The nurse who diagnosed it should have alerted someone and it was very wrong that she didn’t.

13 is so young. Do you have anyone IRL to talk about it with?

Trigger warning for rape -

I was just reading an article about Mena Suvari, she was in American Beauty if you’ve seen it. Anyway she was talking about being raped age 12 and subsequently going to the doctors with a bladder infection. The doctor put her on birth control but did nothing and neither did her parents. This was in the 90s. Now she has a child she is (rightly) horrified by this. She has written a book about her life, you may find it too close to home or helpful I don’t know. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

God, you poor thing. Your posts are heartbreaking to read.

I really hope that you can access therapy or something that can help you to process what happened to you.

You were entitled to protection, and your parents failed to protect you. I am so sorry.

Would you be open to seeking out support from a rape crisis service now? Obviously, on the feminism board, we stand with you now, but I feel you deserve something better and more tangible than some tiny people inside your phone talking at you.

@Appalonia I'm so very sorry. You were failed by all of the adults who should have protected you. That is so wrong, and you deserved so much better.

I wish I could bundle you up in a big hug. You and that little girl, who was so hurt. I can't, so I'm sending you a virtual one, a hug with shushing and patting and swaying, with hope that the pain in your heart eases.

They did. They were wrong.

its never too late to talk to someone OP, wishing you the very best

I’m so sorry op. I think @Summerhillsquare idea to contact rape crisis is a good idea. Talking to a professional might help you.
Wishing you all the best

@Appalonia - I'm so sorry that you went through this and are still dealing with it.

I'm sorry you were so let down.

Many girls and women don't tell anyone because they feel or know they will be blamed.

also OP, it should have been incumbent upon the medical people who diagnosed this, to offer you some support, at least.

i knew someone who disclosed having been raped aged 13/14 in the 1970s.
she told it to a class mate who said she should tell an adult.
she then chose to tell the chaplain, as he was a man.
he listened and said he would speak to a police sergeant who was a friend of his.
he reported back that nothing could be done as it was unprovable.
so that was the end of it.
no further reporting,nor even recording the name of the perp, who was known to the girl.
no suggestion that she tell her mother. the school were not informed.
it was a different time.
to think two adults in responsible trusted roles, a priest and a police officer, neither did anything more, or even sought to counsel her.

I'm so sorry op That's awful.
Unfortunately I think a lot of parents of that generation were traumatised themselves by the world wars and were incapable of providing a loving upbringing for their children. Its not excusing it but maybe it would help to see it as they weren't capable of protecting you, rather than they chose not to.

in the past parents were told that too much attention would spoil a child, and attitudes were different.
so i can well understand the distant pram thing.
but the other serious issues are different.
could you try to seek counselling OP, there are some self-help support groups.
might be easier speaking to someone who has had similar experience as a child.
good luck.

You can still contact Rape Crisis if you want to talk about it, there's no time limit there.

I'm sure almost all parents would have been aghast, in the '70s, but would they know what to do? If they'd contacted the police, how would they police have reacted? The '70s were different times. People didn't have the tools to deals with things like they do now, even if they knew something was very wrong.

I'm not excusing your parents OP; I don't know the full circumstances. It sounds like you've experienced awful things

I'm really sorry that happened to you. You deserved so much better than you had.

Speak to someone, it might help in time

Sorry to read this. I feel for you. No excuse, but some people/parents just can’t see it and some should never have been parents. It doesn’t take away the pain though. I work in this area and struggle with the fact that most people are naive about the possibility of children being affected in this way. Please seek some counselling if you haven’t already done so.