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Original poster

How to deal with writing group's lack of support for my GC feminism.

59 replies

JennieLee · 08/10/2021 07:56

I've been in a writing group for over a decade.

In my region it has a reasonably high profile and features a number of published authors. I am one of them. (Small press stuff. Nothing major.) There is supposed to be an equal balance of male and female members.

I'd noted a shift towards the terminology of gender identity politics in recent years. For example a lot of a discussion as to whether someone's character - who was very shy - could be described as asexual.

We're mainly white and most people are middle-aged or older. We had a discussion about trying to broaden/diversify members and in that context a woman (about my age, lesbian) suggested in email that we tried to recruit non-binary' members.

I sent a reply stating bluntly that I didn't believe people were non-binary. There were two sexes and those who identified as NB were self-obsessed and in the grip of a reactionary ideology. I gave the example of a friend's daughter who identifies as non-binary because she likes make-up but is studying engineering - and wants her mother to use they/them pronouns.

The person who wanted non-binary members said I was being anti-gay and ridiculous. She also mistakenly added an invitation to a young, straight, black guy - straight, middle-class academic. Being called ridiculous upset me so I asked the people in charge of running the group for a bit of support that my position was not ridiculous. This failed to arrive.

Meantime the new invitee said he couldn't possibly join the group having read my email. It wouldn't be a safe space for him. I emailed him and said that it was a pity an informal discussion had been forwarded to him. My views were personal ones, not that of the group and that I would welcome any new member and their writing, regardless of my personal views on gender identity.

He wouldn't budge - and at this point I felt the fact that no one in my group was willing to join in the discussion - I absolutely didn't expect people to agree with me but thought we should look at the issues - meant I should resign.

But somewhere it grieves me, because I felt these people were friends and would want to carry on the conversation. I also felt that as writers they would care about language, and want to weigh up ideas.

Any thoughts? Any advice? I have vaguely wondered about trying to set up an online writing group for GC women.

OP posts:
Babdoc · 08/10/2021 08:18

It depends how much you want to stay in the group, OP.
If you are keen to stay, you could simply message them and say that obviously you will all have to agree to disagree on gender ideology - that you don’t accept “non binary” is logical or real, that humans are all one of two sexes, and gender stereotypes are demeaning, but you are happy to continue to work with fellow writers who deny biology, and will not criticise their beliefs publicly.
If you find that it would be impossible to continue while biting your tongue, then you would be better to leave and start your own group of more like minded writers.
Maybe invite Simon Edge, writer of The End of the World is Flat - a hilarious satire on gender ideologists, portraying them as flat Earthers!

SilentPanic · 08/10/2021 08:16

I think you were controlling and unkind. Why do you feel only people whose lifestyles you agree with should be in the writing group? Why do you want to only spend time with people who has the exact same views on gender as you? What if someone was of a different faith to you? A different political world view? Are they okay to join- and if so, why do you feel that you have a right to publically judge someone's gender, specifically?
You should leave the group.

FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 08/10/2021 08:13

Anyone coming to this debate for the first time would have seen your email and saw the words self obsessed and then saw you launching into a character assassination on your friends daughter.

What did you expect really?

If you'd gone down the line of explaining why you found the concept problematic rather than actual individuals you might have had a chance. As it is, you've put all their backs up so I'd say you've none...

PermanentTemporary · 08/10/2021 08:11

Ultimately a group can set its own parameters (legally, obviously). There's no reason why the new member should want to join the group if he feels it will be unsympathetic. Especially if his work is highly autobiographical which it will be They have chosen what he represents over you and that's their prerogative.

None of this means I don't agree with everything you say. But there's a a reason why most of us think long and hard before speaking up. Not everyone agrees with us and it is a major faultline.

lazylinguist · 08/10/2021 08:11

Oh dear. I think you could have been a bit more diplomatic. Not that I disagree with you but for people not up to date with all this you probably just came across as mean.

^This. I'm totally GC, but I don't think I would have been quite so scathing about non-binary people at the outset at the mere suggestion by one member that nb people could be encouraged to join.

NoNotMeNoSiree · 08/10/2021 08:10

It's a writing group - surely the whole point of being in a writing group, or writing stories, is to write about all kinds of characters?
Not just ones you '' agree'' with.
Don't know what you thought would happen when you called people self obsessed to be honest.
You're entitled to your views but it was a strange context to bring them up in.

MultiStorey · 08/10/2021 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zerogravity · 08/10/2021 08:02

Oh dear. I think you could have been a bit more diplomatic. Not that I disagree with you but for peoole not up to date with all this you probably just came across as mean. Not sure what you can really do about it now though! I would want a writing group to be open to everyone and not try and police anyone's language so I wouldn't have a problem with any new members as long as they didn't try and censor topics.

EishetChayil · 08/10/2021 08:01

Just resign. This sounds like a huge waste of your time and energy. In my experience, writing groups are only beneficial for the weakest links, who get plenty of time and advice from the better and more established writers (like you).

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