Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Help me find some arguments re women walking home at night

30 replies

Redredwiney · 02/10/2021 09:36

I have a male cousin whose views I often disagree with. He’s very old school (bordering on racist and sexist). We spend days, sometimes weeks and months debating about something but I do so because half the time he eventually starts to agree with my POV and change his way of thinking, which is why I persevere!

The current discussion is around Sarah Everard and how women should feel safe when we walk home, and that telling us to be careful is putting the onus on us rather than teaching men to not rape, grope, etc.

His response is that this is no different to men having to also be careful in case they’re mugged or come across a drunken lout who wants a fight when they’re out late. He says in an ideal world we all shouldn’t be worried but because bad people exist, we just have to be careful. He even made the point that when he used to live in a dodgy part of London, he would carry his keys in his hand just in case he needed to protect himself, just like women are accustomed to doing.

I don’t quite know how to respond to that, which is not often the case…! Can anyone help me for when we next talk about it?

OP posts:
UpshittsCreek · 02/10/2021 09:45

Look to how both crimes are played out in the courts. The victim being drunk is never a reason for the accused walking free in a mugging case, is the man's underwear logged as evidence and used by the defence to show the man was open to being mugged that night? Do we ever dismiss someone being mugged because if they weren't looking to be mugged then why did they walk down that street by themselves, they should have stayed at home if they weren't looking to be mugged etc etc.. The problem is that we constantly put the responsibility back on to women to avoid rape and murder and the narrative needs to change, as it's literally used as a defence during rape trails.

Also the type of crime your cousin is talking about happens to both genders. He is a fool to compare rape and being mugged. The stakes are completely different.

millenialblush · 02/10/2021 09:45

Exactly what @herbigchance said - in both instances men are the problem, and actually in both instances women could still be the target.

Original poster
Redredwiney · 02/10/2021 09:42

@HerBigChance

When men have to be careful, it's due to a threat from other men. So men are the threat towards both sexes.
Oh that’s such a good point! Can’t believe I didn’t think of that!
OP posts:
HerBigChance · 02/10/2021 09:42

Also, the walking home in the dark thing is always deemed to be a problem when a woman has been out enjoying herself. Millions of us are walking home in the dark after work on autumn and winter evenings.

HerBigChance · 02/10/2021 09:39

When men have to be careful, it's due to a threat from other men. So men are the threat towards both sexes.