Worried about conflict/criticism if we have a son

My firstborn was a girl and my second a boy, and he wore a lot of his big sister's hand me downs. I bought mostly fairly gender neutral babywear, but MIL was big on pink for girls, so he did go out in pink flowery babygros, too. As toddlers and preschoolers they both liked pink, sparkles, fairies and swirly skirts, so wore those mixed in with the tracksuit bottoms and fleeces. From school age, they drifted off into different styles, although they both (now at secondary school age) have some clothes marketed at the other gender.

MIL disapproved a bit, I think, but was far too polite and thoughtful to ever say anything. One of the parents at nursery apparently said some pretty unpleasant things about DS and us as his parents, but invited him to her daughter's birthday party anyway, and never said anything directly to any if us, and got over it with time. People thought DS was a girl all the time, and still often do, but he doesn't care, and just thinks it's funny.

Over a few years of course that would be thousands of pounds if we bought both children entirely different clothing new

You can pass down baby clothes but as kids get older, clothes are often more worn out and stained and just not suitable.

I have a boy and girl...I've passed the odd thing down and trust me, we're not wealthy. But unless the stuff is quite gender neutral, you'd be really quite unreasonable to dress a potential ds in his sister's clothes for years

I love a good hand me down with my kids.

If it's pjs or underwear you can pass on anything. Until your kids decide otherwise it really doesn't of their pjs or pants are pink, blue or multicoloured.

Trousers and leggings are also very easy to pass on and swap between.

As for some of the very girly things, might be worth passing those on and seeing if you can pick up some more 'boy' items to replace them. You can usually pick up huge bundles of baby clothes for free on local Facebook groups.

Just want to pick up on this - being dressed in pink and sparkly will be to save thousands of pounds, the same reason DD was dressed in it! As we aren't a wealthy family this is very important.

Thousands of pounds

Baby clothes are relatively cheap

Hope your birth goes really well OP. When my two were at nursery, the nursery leader said it was really common for the boys to want to wear the 'girls' dress up costumes because they were just so much more colourful and interesting to wear (who can resist a swirly skirt?!). Just go for whatever a) you can get through the wash and dry quickly b) what they can yomp about in practically and c) whatever they might choose for themselves. Baby clothes are fun, pick what you fancy and enjoy them!

Relax. It’s really not a big deal. When they are young, you can dress them however you want. When they start speaking and start going to nursery they may have very strong opinions like the pp’s dd. Plenty of boys in glittery tops, super long hair, nail varnish, pink trainers around (maybe one or two - not all at once) and lots of girls in dark colours, trainers and short hair around too. Most people don’t bat an eyelid. Small children on the other hand...

It's amazing how much judgement comes along when a girl CHOOSES traditionally 'girl' things

It's always the way on here it seems.

Boy loves to dress up as a princess...how wonderful

Girl wants to...how awful, why can't she climb trees and get muddy

How about I say she's become a stereotypical girl - or is that not allowed either?

It's amazing how much judgement comes along when a girl CHOOSES traditionally 'girl' things.

As long as you and your kids are happy, it's all that matters. People who give you funny looks or rude comments about your kids not being restricted by society's shit gender boundaries shouldn't have anything to do with how you raise them.

So your potential ds will be allowed frills, pink and bows but your dd isn't?

Now she's discovered pink. She LOVES anything pink and sparkly. She wanted Elsa everything. She refused her brothers old wellies because they had blue not pink dinosaurs. She loves playing babies and house. She's turned into a real little girl.

'Real little girl'? Mine is not a little girl then? Because she likes snakes, the colour blue and sharks. Or my friend's boy who likes Elsa is a girl?

I think putting him in pink and sparkly before he can choose that himself might be about suiting your own agenda more than his.

However if it’s more about practicality and gender neutral then go for it.

When he gets to the point he can choose, if he chooses pink and sparkly- go for it!

I will say though that many years ago when mine were little I thought I was going to reuse all DDs clothes when DS was newborn, so as not to waste them. Great hulking baby DS looked so ridiculous in them that I did change my mind

DS2 has long curly hair, and being a child, is largely indistinguishable from a girl.

I've dressed him in cast offs from his big brother, from my sisters kids (of both sexes), according to my own tastes (joggers and long-sleeved t-shirts), and according to his (soft, fluffy, black, camo, and pink). Sometimes strangers refer to him as a boy, sometimes as a girl, everyone is admiring of his hair, no-one has ever had a go (well, apart from ex who once, and only once, went off on one because I bought him leggings with silver and pink glitter stripes up the side - which he loved).

So I would say don't over think it, while their a baby, just reply, 'Oh he can barely focus, I don't think he cares what colour it is', and once the child is older, just smile indulgently at them and say 'oh, he picked it, he really likes blue/gold/glitter/camo/stripes/whatever'

@Morningstar66 this! I let my daughter choose some pants when we started potty training. She of course picked the pink flowery ones. They are so thin compared to her brother's pants. They don't wash well either. They've all dyed and lost colour when done in a mixed wash (even with a colour catcher)

The 'boy' pants her brother has are way better. She's just having hand me down ones now (until she massively protests 🙄)

The thing is 'boy's' clothes (barring the boring colours or unfortunate slogans) are more neutral, 'girly' clothes are just so impractical. Pale colours, fussy bits, uncomfortable, horrible fabric. So you don't need to dress up your boys in bows and frills just to treat your boy and girl equally.

I have one of each and they are dressed pretty much the same. Bright colours in practical cuts, trousers and onsies, t shirts etc. Both have worn pink (though I'm not find of the colour) bunnies, cats, trucks, dinosours. Neither have worn dresses as they aren't of an age where these would be anything but a hazard, they also like to take their own nappies off so trousers prevents that.

I was gifted a massive sack of girls clothes by a friend and was horrified at what her 6year old was wearing. Flimsy see through fabric, shorts that were basically hot pants with tassels. Polyester dresses that you couldnt move well in. And all, ALL in shades of pale pink, white, yellow and cream.

My two are constantly covered in mud and scrapes.

My mother bought my daughter (first and only granddaughter) a white frilly dress because it was cute. She wasn't even walking yet and it was the style that would hitch up showing her nappy very quickly. All I could think was, She isn't a fucking ornament!!

I have one of each and didn't find out the sex until birth.

My eldest is a boy and I made an effort to buy gender neutral pjs, coats, shoes, underwear and trousers. I knew I wanted more than one child so I planned for lots of hand me downs.

My second is a girl and up until recently (she's 2.5 years now) she happily wore anything that had belonged to her brother. She had some 'girl' clothes but at nursery she nearly always wore her brothers old things.

Now she's discovered pink. She LOVES anything pink and sparkly. She wanted Elsa everything. She refused her brothers old wellies because they had blue not pink dinosaurs. She loves playing babies and house. She's turned into a real little girl.

I've had to start giving away a lot of the clothes I'd kept for her because she refuses to wear boy clothes now.

So, what I'm saying - 1) no one cared that she wore her brothers stuff. 2) they get to an age where they start being more aware of their likes and dislikes.

I'd agree with the PP. DS (2 big sisters) wanted to wear clips in his hair for about a year at nursery, he had a friend who wore Disney Princess outfits for years as well. Everyone was quite relaxed about it and it was no big deal. I suspect in the current climate you are unfortunately more likely to get questions about your child being trans but just treat it breezily 'oh no he knows he's a boy, he's just emulating his big sister'. At home DS was put in pink grobags and sleepsuits and any clothes that were gender neutral enough to pass down, I think that's pretty standard.

DH was confused why this would be an issue.

I think confusion is an excellent response. Make the other person explain their reasoning.

I think you're quite likely to get people trying to tell your kids that they're not really a boy or a girl because they aren't gender conforming.

As long as it's practical and clean, just keep asking them exactly what they think it's doing to the kid. Sequins aren't that comfortable and bows always seems OTT to me but colours are for everyone.

And dolls, just send them that Lets Toys Be Toys meme about boys growing up to be dads.

Yeah, my oldest wore many hand me downs from his cousins who were both girls. A vest is a vest regardless of a pink trim or pretty flower on it.

Luckily, most of my family and friends feel the same.

Only comment I ever received was from a distant male friend who couldn't believe DH was allowing his son to wear a pair of baby jeans with Minnie mouse on the back pocket instead of Mickey, while sitting in a pram around the shopping centre. DH was confused why this would be an issue.