Husband thinks I'm transphobic

Here we go. He can put this in his damn pipe and smoke it -

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/sexualoffencesinenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2017#nature-of-sexual-assault-by-rape-or-penetration

I think it's from 2017 -

Offender characteristics

The vast majority of respondents who had experienced rape or assault by penetration since they were 16 reported that the offender(s) were male (99%), with 65% of victims reporting that the offender was a male aged between 20 and 39 (Appendix Table 13)

This is why women are concerned with male bodied people having access to single sex spaces. These stats just cover the reports that were recorded. God knows how many assaults there are that are never reported. A lot I think, judging by the experience of women I know.

Does he believe in the cotton ceiling as well? That lesbians deserve no sympathy for not wanting to sleep with male-bodied people? How bloody homophobic, specifically lesbophobic, is that?

@Waitwhat23 I had a read through and it says this-

'As such the sample does not claim to be a representative sample of the lesbian community'

The author of the study chose respondents from within their own networks? The sample size is also only 80.

I'm so sorry that he thinks you caring about women is abhorrent. To me, it just says a lot about him :/

And I did mention news items as they came up or I expanded the ones that would come up on the news we were listening to/watching. And eventually it got to the point where my husband realised that it affected so many aspects of life that he could not downplay it any more.

Particularly when he started realising the affect on our teenager and their friends.

I think this boils down to his ego. Perhaps he felt he is very approachable and not at all threatening to women and he's hearing you say that women feel threatened by many unfamiliar men, and therefore him. Perhaps you need to go back to non trans issues such as Sarah everard, and whether he'd be happy for your daughter to walk home at midnight on her own and see if he can begin to see how women feel, and are threatened, in many situations where men aren't.

Not sure on the logic of some in this thread- I don't think him saying he wouldn't date a trans person is transphobic and this isn't a gotcha, would this not just count as a preference? i.e I wouldn't date someone shorter/taller than me

[quote plesiosaurus]@FFSFFSFFS Not a chance in hell that he would. [/quote]
Then he doesnt believe what he's saying then does he?

I'd be inserting this point into every conversation on the matter, especially in mixed company. He's all mouth and no trousers.

Yes, good advice, Datun.

Has he fallen into the trap of believing that all 'trans women' are post-op travsexuals? Basically Hayley from Coronation Street.

Does he know that 'trans' includes Transgender, transsexual, cross dressers, various fetishes like Furries etc?

Does he understand the concept of Safeguarding?

Ask him if he thinks all teachers are child abusers? If he doesn't, then ask him why he's happy for ALL teachers to be CRB checked. Is this unkind?
It's the same concept.

It is a two stage exercise, in my opinion, too. The first one is getting to the point where you can talk.

I would suggest to him that it's incredibly important subject for you, and you would like him to do the courtesy of listening to what you have to say, in a non-confrontational manner.

Well obviously he's right

In what sense? Do you share his view that Laurel Hubbard shouldn't compete against women?

He disagreed with Laurel Hubbard competing against women

Ask him why. Ask him to spell out why there is an issue in that, but he doesn't think it matters in any other sphere of life. Ask him to articulate what his selective beliefs are, without mantras.

[quote Waitwhat23]@DoormatBob I really don't understand why your comment was deleted - it wasn't rude or offensive at all[/quote]
Remember we aren't allowed to generalise. Nor are we allowed to be too specific.

How did the discussion come about?

I wonder if he dug his heels in beyond what he positively believes himself because he previously assumed you'd hold the same views - generally leftish- and felt wrong-footed that you disagreed and challenged his opinions?

Or has he been aware of your position for a while?

Where do you think he's getting his information?

Remember you're transphobic if:

-you know mammals cannot change sex
-you don't agree with vulnerable teenagers being sterilised if they don't conform to lazy old gender stereotypes
-you understand safeguarding
-you think women have the right to say "no" to males

I don't mind being labelled as such in this case.

@weebisom the word 'transphobic' is just white noise to me now. It's been used so frequently, to cover such a ludicrously wide range of subjects, and has been used (as you've mentioned) for simple disagreement with any aspect of gender ideology that it's lost its power. We're told hurting feelings is literal violence, that any disagreement of any kind is calling for people to die or 'denying the existence of transpeople'.

It's a real shame that people experiencing actual transphobia have been affected by this. They've been badly let down by the extremism of gender ideology.

[quote plesiosaurus]@NonnyMouse1337 That seems a sensible route to take. He did say that it's obviously not "normal" men who become trans women![/quote]
So he needs to see these males as something 'other'. Not the same as him because that would make HIM uncomfortable and would have to look more deeply at the behaviour of others from his own sex class. He simply cannot comprehend why someone like him would want to claim womanhood when he sees women as inferior.

He IS a misogynist.

As previous posters have said, maybe best to let the dust settle for a bit.

Then maybe start pointing out stories in the press where eg convicted male paedophiles are being referred to as women, or men who have been in the military are kicking the crap out of women, for entertainment, etc.

Does he know the statistics? Does he know that 98% of all sex crimes are committed by men, not women? And that's why we segregate by sex. Does he know that one girl per day is raped in school? And does he know that 90% of all sex attacks in changing rooms occur in those which are mixed sex? And does he know that the overwhelming majority of transwomen, about 90%, keep their penises and many are heterosexual. And that transitioning doesn't change those statistics, in fact, given the loopholes afforded by transition, it increases them.

Sometimes it's a lack of knowledge about why women need separate spaces in the first place that lead men not to get it.

A lot of people need a fast track lesson in feminism before they understand. And obviously, in a fairly sexist society, that hasn't been happening.

At some point in the future, you could also explain that there are two types of transwomen.

This excerpt from Helen Joyce's book Trans, should help. You can tell him she is a journalist for the Economist, if he's already suspicious of her credibility as a woman...

quillette.com/2021/09/07/the-truth-about-autogynephilia/

He sounds gender critical to me. Keep gently pushing at the door?

@DoormatBob I really don't understand why your comment was deleted - it wasn't rude or offensive at all

I had a friend call me transphobic and it was really tough. Luckily another friend told her off and said it was bullying behaviour so she has since apologised and taken it back. The problem is that transphobia doesn’t just apply to actually being bigoted and hateful towards trans people. The word is also used when anyone disagrees with any of current trans theory. So I was called transphobic because I don’t agree with the medical model of transing children - I prefer an affirmative watch and wait approach until they are 16. I’m transphobic because I disagree with the concept that I have a gender identity that matches my sex. I disagree with postmodernism and think that sex, not gender is the crucial axis of oppression. I had a talk with my friend and she eventually realised that it was out of order to call me a bigot just because I had different views, and so now she doesn’t attack the person but tries to attack the views (if we get into a debate about this issue). It might be useful to ask your husband just how and in what way you are transphobic.

Does anyone remember that Twitter exchange where a guy was saying this and then people asked him if he'd date someone with a penis?

"No, I don't go for people like that"
"People like what?"
"Well... men..."