Husband thinks I'm transphobic

What’s the famous saying? Men fear women will laugh at them and women fear men will kill them

He said that it's wrong to mistrust all men, and if he said that he mistrusted all women I'd accuse him of misogyny

Safeguarding has to look at what could be the worst case scenario though.

Is he against airport security because of the assumption that some passengers may be terrorists and all passengers are ‘mistrusted’ and presumed guilty?

Is he against DBS checks for schools to try and safeguard against sexual predators or should we just take everyone‘s word for it that they are not sex offenders.

Why does he lock his car door, isn’t that a form of safeguarding and presumes a group of people (men usually) would steal the car.

Trans women retain the same offending rates as men after transition therefore some of them will therefore be sex offenders.

Do hundreds of women have to accept being “collateral damage” because your husband thinks it’s ok to take away the means of protecting and safeguarding ourselves?
He safeguards himself and accepts safeguarding in other regards, why are trans women such a special case?

I think you should ask him to watch Riley J Dennis on genital preferences being transphobic. Then Magdalen Berns . Compare and contrast.

How about asking him to watch Magdalen Berns video on Alex Drummond? And then say that he agrees that Alex is a woman.

I'd be curious to know his views on Rachel Dolezal or Stefonknee and whether he also thinks it's fine to identify as 'trans race' or 'trans age' as well as trans sex, and, if not, how is it different...

I’m sorry I haven’t had time to read the whole thread, but just wanted to say that I had a similar issue with my husband when I first started to see the issues with this.

It took a long time, about 2 years to be honest, but each time we’d talk about it, he’d shifted his attitude slightly, and eventually he admitted that there was a clash of rights and that I had a point. I think he still thinks I worry too much and blow it out of proportion, but I just wanted to let you know that this is something that you may be able to get past. Like you I questioned our whole relationship, because if he thought I was a bigot then what was the point! We would have raging arguments about it because I couldn’t comprehend why he didn’t understand what I was trying to say. I got very emotional which didn’t help, and tried to get everything into each conversation. I would suggest trying to stay calm and addressing just one issue at a time. The whole lot is too much for anyone to take in, they think we are mad if we tell all the problems in one go because things have got so crazy.

I think as well he started to come across the madness online for himself, which has helped as well. It’s crap but sometimes men seem to need confirmation from another (male) person, which is another issue for feminism, as if we didn’t have enough to be getting along with 😂

@Embroidery what? I work in IT - am I now a man?! Eek

He probably needs to be educated about "self identity as a transwoman" by persons who have dicks and every intention of keeping them.

Also, he's being disingenuous to say we don't trust men and that makes us misandrists because I bet you he worries about your DD being out alone, doesn't like her walking at night alone etc etc?

He said that it's wrong to mistrust all men, and if he said that he mistrusted all women I'd accuse him of misogyny.

This is something DH struggles with sometimes. A woman will say or do something and he'll be a bit upset because he'll say, "if a man said that to a woman there'd be an outrage". And I have to point out that a) whatever the woman said is almost always inappropriate yes but that b) the difference is that there's inappropriate (woman to man) and then there's creepy/scary/frightening (man to woman).

DH is now super gender critical but the two key things that led to that were 1. the realisation that self identification means any old man can decide he is a woman for no reason, with no need/desire to change anything about himself etc and 2. That the vast bulk of trans women are still intact males.

I think over the last 10 years, when trans people have been portrayed in the media / on tv shows, a M-F for example would be highly feminine, desperate for full transition including surgery (or has had it) etc etc. It takes a lot more digging around and watching what's happening before you realise that's not in fact the truth and/or that there are so many men who are abusing the genuine desire by transpeople to be treated as a different gender for their own selfish/abusive reasons.

It's a red line. He's telling you you're nothing but a feeling, that your daughter is nothing but feeling. Something not human, merely support units for males. You don't own your own spaces or sports, everything is up for grabs when a male fancies having it. He's not left wing, he's a misogynistic gynephobe.

Also slightly horrified at the number of responses that seem to be advocating for OP to sack the relationship due to disagreement on this being irredeemable

@plesiosaurus you need to consider what is truly important to you and if you really want to cut ties over this

Ask him why he didn't think Laurel Hubbard should compete against women in the Olympics, as according to his view she is a woman. I would also say some trans activists would consider his view on Laurel Hubbard transphobic.

He doesn't get to tell you which men you're allowed to be afraid of

@palebluemoonlight

Not sure your point here.

If OP's husband believes that TWAW then they would be a subset of woman to hold a preference on, just as short/brown hair etc

What about all the girls transing?
What on earth makes girls who are into engineering and manufacture or coding, 'men'.

What is a man? What is a woman?

Did he, really?

[quote gaynotqueer]@Waitwhat23 I had a read through and it says this-

'As such the sample does not claim to be a representative sample of the lesbian community'

The author of the study chose respondents from within their own networks? The sample size is also only 80.[/quote]
I'm not sure I understand your point - is it OK if it's only happening to a few lesbians?

This thread discusses the issue in detail, including discussion of women's own experiences, tweets specially calling lesbians transphobic for stating that they are same sex attracted and the 'cotton ceiling' workshop - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4336091-Do-we-have-it-anywhere-on-record-that-Stonewall-does-does-not-support-people-to-express-their-sexuality-as-exclusively-homosexual

No it wouldn't be a preference. If he's truly on board with that ideology, then rejecting trans people because they are not biologically female is transphobic. Hence why lesbians are feeling under pressure right now.

But OP we ALREADY don't trust all men - hence why we have single-sex spaces - so I don't know what your DH is talking about! Not all men are abusive, but we can't tell the ones who will be from the ones who won't be, and ENOUGH ARE abusive that for self-preservation we have to distrust all males and take measures to reduce their threat to us. Why should males who say they feel like women, or who dress in a stereotypically feminine way, be allowed in our spaces, when those who don't are not allowed?

Wankers. Men like this know EXACTLY who everybody is when it suits them. It's so disingenuous.

To be fair, I did this.

And I did mention news items as they came up or I expanded the ones that would come up on the news we were listening to/watching. And eventually it got to the point where my husband realised that it affected so many aspects of life that he could not downplay it any more.

Particularly when he started realising the affect on our teenager and their friends.

Indeed Helle, you've got to make them understand why it's important, before you can explain how it's happening.

As we know, full well, it doesn't occur to most men how women walk through life understanding a risk that they don't really think about.

Explaining to them how that risk is suddenly becoming much more real doesn't work, unless they understand why it's a risk in the first place.

As I've said before, I honestly believe feminism should be taught in schools.

It will benefit boys just as much as girls.