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Original poster

The look at me of pronouns

461 replies

Ritascornershop · 01/09/2021 18:14

Recently I’ve had two interactions that have startled me. One was with legal aid (I’m in Canada) where the young lawyer rang me and said “Hello this is Thomas from xx, my practice is x and my pronouns are he/him.” Just in case I thought someone with a male voice and whose name was Thomas might like me, when speaking to him, to refer to him in the third person as she/her. I laughed and pointed out that as I was speaking directly to him, his pronouns wouldn’t be relevant.

The other interaction was after I’d written my member of parliament’s office asking for an answer on something I couldn’t get a Ministry to answer me on. 3 months later I finally got a reply suggesting I contact that Ministry 🙄 and signing off “Benjamin Lastname, he/him, Useless Twat, Your MP’s office”.

I replied telling him it was useless information that should not have taken 3 months to cough up, and I didn’t care what his pronouns were and I wasn’t going to proffer mine as doing so for women tended to increase sexism in professional interactions.

Is this as rampant in the UK? It just seems so unprofessional and so “look at me!” I’ve no interest in how they hope people refer to them when they’re not there, I just want answers to my questions that they are qualified to provide.

OP posts:
FrancescaContini · 02/09/2021 09:18

People who feel “unsafe” when “the wrong pronouns “ are used Hmm- how ON EARTH do they cope if there’s a REAL emergency to deal with? A fire? Someone behaving in a verbally or physically threatening way? Broken down at night by the side of the motorway? A colleague has a heart attack in front of them?? Etc etc…

How does this generation (because I know that it’s the young ‘uns using it) actually manage to cross a road or talk to someone they don’t know??

Wrongsideofhistorymyarse · 02/09/2021 09:17

Our diversity manager assumed my pronouns and put them in a
newsletter. I asked her not to do so in future, explained that I'm gender critical and cited Maya Forstater's judgement.

MrsFin · 02/09/2021 08:32

@silentpool

I haven't been asked yet but when I do, I've decided to say that I am agender and would request people refer to me by my name.

When I get asked my gender on forms these days I always reply with whatever neutral option is offered.
I did on the census too. I felt quite proud of myself.
Happy to tick F under any "what is your sex" question though.

DdraigGoch · 02/09/2021 07:19

@donquixotedelamancha

I'm lucky enough to live in The North so I've never seen it IRL.
Me too, it's something I've only ever seen on Twitter (and only on the profiles of insufferable oiks).
Itsinthetreesitscoming · 02/09/2021 07:18

Hang on - star signs on emails?

RocketPanda · 02/09/2021 07:04

Pronouns are creeping in on work emails. The office I work out of ( big company, lots of offices, some in very woke places) have put our star signs as pronouns along with a list of traits associated with that sign eg Taurus/Taurean/reliable/level headed/stubborn.
I think it tells far more about the person I am emailing.

Sittinginthesand · 02/09/2021 06:58

My dad (70+) recently had his first email with pronouns ‘female name she/her’ and replied that he was interested to see her pronouns and wondered if the Queen would be signing things as we/us. He was very pleased with himself- and I’d have loved to see her face.

Atmywitsend29 · 02/09/2021 06:52

See it all the time on IG, I refuse to fill out that stupid box.

A friend of mine was telling me her workplace (an NHS trust) were going down the route of making it mandatory to add your pronouns to your email Hmm

DdraigGoch · 02/09/2021 06:48

@astoundedgoat

Hmm. I’m pretty gender critical, but I don’t mind this. If I’m emailing back and forth with Alex McStranger, or Sandy, Chris etc OR an Asian name - for instance Harpreet is a male, Jaspreet is a female, but would you definitely have known that? Or an email from Wei or Xiang. Are you sure you know what gender they are? So sure that you are positive you won’t cause offence when you refer to “her” in a cc’d email?

You DON’T always know. Equally, does my fictional Xiang know whether the Sam she is referring to is a man or a woman?

So it might be slightly silly from a gender identity perspective (which is probably how many are using it), especially if your name is Manly McBrawny, but more broadly, it’s very useful. You might argue that you don’t NEED to know the sex or gender of the person on the other end of an email, but from a relationship-building perspective, it’s important.

I’m in favour.

Isn't it a good thing that you don't know? Then you aren't going to be discriminated based upon your sex.
silentpool · 02/09/2021 05:45

I haven't been asked yet but when I do, I've decided to say that I am agender and would request people refer to me by my name.

KittenKong · 02/09/2021 01:08

@LadyVymes

Die Hard is a Christmas film.

I am a uni student and currently studying human biology and had a non binary person complain that gender was used when talking about sex differences. That was nice until she said she felt unsafe.

I don’t feel safe around people who wail ‘I feel unsaaaaaaaaafe!’ every two minutes about things that shouldn’t make any sane person feel... ‘unsafe’. I assume they are unstable and possibly likely to lash out if disagreed with.
GromblesofGrimbledon · 02/09/2021 00:54

@KittenKong

It looks so unprofessional. I got a sheher answering a helpdesk query. It is flipping obvious what sheher pronouns are. Sheher has a girly name and even has a photo of sheherself on the email footer. I don’t think sheher really wants to know what i think.

Sheher didn’t fix my issue either.

😂

LadyVymes · 02/09/2021 00:38

Die Hard is a Christmas film.

I am a uni student and currently studying human biology and had a non binary person complain that gender was used when talking about sex differences. That was nice until she said she felt unsafe.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 02/09/2021 00:35

MrsFin mine too. Closely followed by a workshop for men on prostate problems.

Waitwhat23 · 02/09/2021 00:02

Aside from the fact that women are disadvantaged by highlighting the fact they are women in the workplace (this article is particularly enlightening www.independent.co.uk/news/business/news/gender-inequality-man-woman-switch-names-week-martin-schneider-nicky-knacks-pay-gap-a7622201.html ), I couldn't care less what term people use to refer to me when I am not there. Why would I dictate that to someone? What possible difference does it make to me if someone says to another workmate - 'she was using the photocopier' as opposed to (for example) 'fae was using the photocopier'. I won't be there to hear it! If I am in the room, they will presumably just use my name.

MrsFin · 01/09/2021 23:43

My employer has just launched a new policy aimed at helping "people going through the menopause"
Angry

GoodieMoomin · 01/09/2021 23:34

HR have added pronouns recently, thanks to stonewall (they also removed all references to women and mothers from the maternity policy). It is empty virtue signalling by people who don't know what's going on. They think it is simply Kind.

The only other place I've seen it irl is from my local dv shelter and that just made me really sad.

I will no more add pronouns to my signature than I will proclaim a belief in the healing power of crystal skulls, flat earth theory or that Die Hard is a Christmas film

EarthSight · 01/09/2021 23:19

@donquixotedelamancha Fair enough. I was wrong in this case.

Voice0fReason · 01/09/2021 23:11

I will never play this ridiculous pronouns game.
That would be a simple #NoThankYou

LobsterNapkin · 01/09/2021 23:09

I have had a few bosses that include them, including my present one, and the principle of my kids school. I find it incredibly annoying and in the school, worrying.

Most IMO do it just because it's the done thing in their political demographic.

Ionlydomassiveones · 01/09/2021 23:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Beautiful3 · 01/09/2021 23:04

My 12 year old daughter met a girl her age. This girl said, "my name's x, my pronouns are her/him/it". My daughter replied, r"eally? So you don't mind if I say, he is over there or it is sitting there?" The girl thought about it and said nothing! How weird?!

donquixotedelamancha · 01/09/2021 22:59

Hmmmm.........you're gender critical are you??? I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to see your previous posting history before I believe that.

You could have just looked, rather than presuming PP wasn't genuine. Goat has been on MN for a couple of years and made her GC views clear.

I agree with every word you wrote about why she's wrong in this case but I really think we do ourselves no favours by playing hunt the TRA like this, it gives ammo to the accusations of cliquiness and groupthink.

The dickheads pretending to be feminists show their true colours within a couple of posts anyway- they just can't help it.

DucksFlyTogether · 01/09/2021 22:55

@SingingSands

If I see pronouns at the end of an email I cringe. It seems so unprofessional. It's like signing off with 'SingingSands/I love cats/my favourite colour is purple' nobody gives a flying fuck.
I agree SingingSands

I genuinely don't know why it's needed.

If I wrote an e-mail depending on informal or formal I just beging

Good morning XXX ,

Hope you are well (enter rest of e-mail) sign off Kind regards (e-mail signature)

Or

Hey XXXX,

Can you print this out?

Thanks
(Email signature)

Why do need to know your pronouns?!?

Even in chain e-mails everyone is referred to as names due to multi agency working. I'd never wrote "she from XXX agency said....

Seems completely irrelevant.

Crouton19 · 01/09/2021 22:54

@minipie

On the plus side, the more middle aged people working at big boring corporates start to do this, the less cool and appealing to teenagers it will become.
Perhaps this is the solution to it all? Get more 40-70 yr olds to identify as gender fluid or demisexual or whatever, or talk embarrassingly openly about their kinks.
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