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Original poster

I think I’m going mad….

358 replies

Iootraw1 · 07/08/2021 21:48

I’ve absolutely had enough of my family bringing up ‘mum’s views’ (which I’ve learnt to keep completely private from them due to previously accusations of bigotry’), and then when I say a single thing in response,, accusing me of being ‘obsessed’ with it and not keeping it to myself!

I feel like I’m going mad. Husband saying he doesn’t know why I’m so obsessed with trans matters and I should keep to myself - I do! I don’t want to share with them because they don’t agree and don’t want to hear it.
Ever since the first time I tried to bring up and got shot down my him and kids I decided I would never mention again and wait for them one day to find out for themselves and be peaked.

But Just once again tonight in response to their accusations (they brought up subject not me) I tried to explain briefly why it opposes women’s rights and homosexual rights and got quickly turned upon. I’ve bought Trans by Helen Joyce now and will just tell them to read it next time (although will no doubt get condemned for buying a ‘transphobic’ book and they will refuse to read it) I feel really down, I can’t even have my own personal opinions and thoughts now without my very own family trying to eek out of me what ‘I really think’ and nose at what I’m looking at over my shoulder (I follow Glinner and Posie and Mars). I’ve bought headphones so they don’t hear it and never share any of it. I have to clear my history in case they search it.

It’s like some weird dystopia we’ve all been forced to enter. I even mentioned the olympics tonight in my defence and they still they said that I imagine all of this and it’s not really happening.

What will it take for they and the general public to wake up and at least listen to women’s concerns? I feel so upset tonight. 😩

OP posts:
R0wantrees · 08/08/2021 14:38

Trans lesbians are not "heterosexual". Trans women's attraction to women includes other trans women. That's not "heterosexual" in any way.

Equality Act 2010
Sexual orientation is one of the nine protected characteristics.

UK Government
Commentary on Sections
Part 2: Equality: Key Concepts
Chapter 1: Protected characteristics
(extract)
"Section 12: Sexual orientation
Effect
55.This section defines the protected characteristic of sexual orientation as being a person’s sexual orientation towards:

people of the same sex as him or her (in other words the person is a gay man or a lesbian)

people of the opposite sex from him or her (the person is heterosexual)

people of both sexes (the person is bisexual).

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2010/15/section/12/notes

FloralBunting · 08/08/2021 14:37

[quote BluebirdsSong]@R0wantrees
"So you are advocating on behalf of heterosexual adult males who identify as 'trans' and 'lesbian'"

Trans lesbians are not "heterosexual". Trans women's attraction to women includes other trans women. That's not "heterosexual" in any way.[/quote]
Except in the 'male attracted to females' way, which is the entirety of the definition.

Kit19 · 08/08/2021 14:36

a transwoman lesbian is by definition male

lesbians dont do men, they are same sex attracted, and the endless efforts by some TRA to bully them into doing dick is one of the most chillingly misogynistic aspects of this whole awful business

#nothank you

Jorrris · 08/08/2021 14:36

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RedDogsBeg · 08/08/2021 14:36

I don't care. And I don't see why I should care what you consider homophobic any more than you care what I consider transphobic.

It's blindingly obvious you don't care about women or homosexuals and that says everything anyone needs to know about you.

Jorrris · 08/08/2021 14:35

I don't care. And I don't see why I should care what you consider homophobic any more than you care what I consider transphobic.

I don't really care much about what you think, that is true. But your presence here is useful.

BluebirdsSong · 08/08/2021 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

BlueBlazerBlack · 08/08/2021 14:34

So if a lesbian announces she does not want to have sex with a transwoman, that's transphobic? Do you not hear yourself @BluebirdsSong? What you are suggesting is basically policing people's sexual orientations

Jorrris · 08/08/2021 14:34

I think trans lesbians belong in lesbian spaces, and whether or not you're attracted to individual trans women is entirely your business.

So you think males identifying as women belong in lesbian spaces.

You can turn down every single person you are not attracted to at your discretion.

Of course

But making it a point to announce you won't date trans people at all is indeed transphobic

I wouldn't date anyone who has extreme body modifications /are truth deniers / think it's ok to destroy women and childrens safeguards. I also wouldnt date people who believe the earth is flat.

I guess it must be shockingly disappointing to find ones dating pool shrinking so dramatically, that all that's left is to accuse people of transphobia in an attempt to shame them in to dating you.

BluebirdsSong · 08/08/2021 14:33

@R0wantrees
"So you are advocating on behalf of heterosexual adult males who identify as 'trans' and 'lesbian'"

Trans lesbians are not "heterosexual". Trans women's attraction to women includes other trans women. That's not "heterosexual" in any way.

R0wantrees · 08/08/2021 14:32

Insisting that same sex attracted people should consider dating someone who not the same sex as they are is indeed horrendously homophobic, coercive and abusive.

This ^^

Relevant thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feminism/3452784-Coercive-Control-a-need-for-better-awareness

BluebirdsSong · 08/08/2021 14:31

@RedDogsBeg

But making it a point to announce you won't date trans people at all is indeed transphobic.

Insisting that same sex attracted people should consider dating someone who not the same sex as they are is indeed horrendously homophobic, coercive and abusive.

I don't care. And I don't see why I should care what you consider homophobic any more than you care what I consider transphobic.
R0wantrees · 08/08/2021 14:31

I think trans lesbians belong in lesbian spaces, and whether or not you're attracted to individual trans women is entirely your business.

So you are advocating on behalf of heterosexual adult males who identify as 'trans' and 'lesbian' and you disregard the boundaries of same sex oriented adult females who are lesbians?

People are entirely free to announce who they do not want to date. Everyone has preferences in addition to their sexual orientation. Coercing women that they should have neither is deeply concerning behaviour.

BluebirdsSong · 08/08/2021 14:30

@midgemagneto

But why should someone who is not a lesbian be in a lesbian space ?

Because lesbian does mean sex female sexually attracted to sexual female

Or it wouldn't be a sexuality would it ?

Because you do not get to decide that a trans woman is "not a lesbian".

You do not get to police and control other people's identities.

StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind · 08/08/2021 14:30

@RedDogsBeg

But making it a point to announce you won't date trans people at all is indeed transphobic.

Insisting that same sex attracted people should consider dating someone who not the same sex as they are is indeed horrendously homophobic, coercive and abusive.

This. Entirely!
StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind · 08/08/2021 14:29

But making it a point to announce you won't date trans people at all is indeed transphobic.

Why is it transphobic for someone to say they wouldn't date a trans person?

I'm heterosexual and attracted to biological males- I wouldn't be attracted to or want to date either a trans man as they are female, and I wouldn't be attracted to a trans woman as I wouldn't be comfortable with or find a male trying to present as a woman attractive.

That is my sexual preference- I cannot help who I am attracted to. How is it transphobic? I'm a woman who is not attracted to women- this doesn't make me homophobic.

RedDogsBeg · 08/08/2021 14:28

But making it a point to announce you won't date trans people at all is indeed transphobic.

Insisting that same sex attracted people should consider dating someone who not the same sex as they are is indeed horrendously homophobic, coercive and abusive.

ErrolTheDragon · 08/08/2021 14:27

No respect for women's boundaries. Hmm

katemuff · 08/08/2021 14:25

I have an 18 yo ds and a 16yo de
I also experienced this
I asked DS if he'd date a trans women then laughed 'woke in the streets, terf in the sheets eh?' And kept laughing
With DD I spent several long careful conversations explaining to her that she, my beautiful girl, soon to be a woman, was the reason for my rage. She got it. They both do now. If DH accuses me of 'going on' I ridicule him. I'm a woman and I'll decide what I read, what I invest in and what I discuss. They will be respectful or fuck off frankly 🤷‍♀️

midgemagneto · 08/08/2021 14:24

But why should someone who is not a lesbian be in a lesbian space ?

Because lesbian does mean sex female sexually attracted to sexual female

Or it wouldn't be a sexuality would it ?

BluebirdsSong · 08/08/2021 14:22

@Jorrris

Do you think lesbians should accept translesbians as sexual partners? Or do you think they are transphobic for not accepting translesbians as potential partners?
I think trans lesbians belong in lesbian spaces, and whether or not you're attracted to individual trans women is entirely your business.

You can turn down every single person you are not attracted to at your discretion.

But making it a point to announce you won't date trans people at all is indeed transphobic.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 08/08/2021 14:20

Hopefully if this is the OP's teen she's getting a quiet Sunday while they rage and disrespect woman on here instead.

Jorrris · 08/08/2021 14:19

Do you think lesbians should accept translesbians as sexual partners? Or do you think they are transphobic for not accepting translesbians as potential partners?

BluebirdsSong · 08/08/2021 14:12

@BlueBlazerBlack

It is also homophobic to suggest that gay men and lesbians should feel obliged to have intimate relationships with people of the opposite sex, whom they are not sexually attracted to, so that said people feel validated in their chosen identity. Unfortunately, this is what some TRAs are supporting (google the cotton ceiling or the boxer ceiling).
Who's saying anything about "being obliged to"?

Some feminists somewhere said "kill all men", does that mean the entirety of feminism should be condemned for being androcidal?

Jorrris · 08/08/2021 13:53

Anyway, I do hope the op is ok. I feel quite concerned for her.