I think I’m going mad….

OP.

What a tough situation? I expect that you will need to sit them all down and point out that while you will keep quiet about these issues in their presence (if that is your choice) that all of them need to do the same thing.

And they all need to respect that you have a right to privacy and that you have the right to your own opinions that you have researched and will continue to research because it is important to you.

FWIW I found that finding a group of people (in real life and away from family) willing to discuss these issues from all perspectives very helpful.

@NiceGerbil
What is your point? It's not exactly clear.

Mansplaining teenagers since 2020

Knowing how teenagers think?

That the common opinions of their friends / group have no carry through when the others aren't there...

'Why, do you think the "peer pressure group" has hidden cameras installed in their house?'

That this would be a standard normal for teenagers to do:

'@TalkingOutYerArse
"They know it's all shite but cant say otherwise. Hence the term, peer pressure."

Why not? What's stopping them? They could easily approach the OP and privately tell her they agree with her, if they agreed with her at all. It's not like private conversations in one's own home are public social media statements.'

Knows teenagers eh?

How utterly ridiculous.

I do not have to validate every view my children have and nor do they me. We can amazingly have different views on things. Like bedtime politics, education etc.

I didn't breed mini-clones. They are their own people. Unique.

But what they do have to do, in my house, is treat others with the same respect they expect to receive. If they don't, there are consequences. Its called parenting.

It's not about a difference of opinion.

It's about her teenagers finding how to push her buttons and going for it.

Teenagers do this an awful lot. Luckily most of them grow out of it.

You only give this advice because of the topic and because you agree with the children.

The fact she has stopped mentioning it and they keep raising it and angling for a row is ignored. That this is an actual woman wanting advise about her actual family and a situation that parents of teens know very well.

Your advice-

The mother should listen to her teenage children because SHE might learn something

She should continue to do the things she does- roof over head, cooking, cleaning, washing whatever it is or they will DESPISE her

That's your advice.
But apparently only on this subject and only because you agree with the children.

That's just really not great. Telling her they will despise her if she does a standard normal thing to do. If your older children are being dicks to you in your own home.

Essentially because you dislike her views you've told her to keep her opinions to herself and be a good doormat (sorry, mum).

You are claiming to have an understanding of teenagers because you have similar views on ‘trans issues’?

That is your claim to giving the view from a teenagers perspective? No. Please don’t conflate understanding teenagers and what they are dealing with in their lives in 2021 with the fact you might share the same view.

@NiceGerbil
"Would you advice be exactly the same?"

I think in any household where the parents and the kids have starkly different social/political views, making the kids feel they're being punished for that difference is bound to worsen the relationship between the kids and the parents...

Whether or not they should be punished anyway largely depends on what those views are, I would say.

My kids have been contributing to chores since age 5. It would be an inconvenience, but not a punishment, if they had to do stuff for themselves. I mean, they aren't paying the bills, or cleaning the toilet or anything.

Having 3 children and knowing from many, many parents, what works. I think I will take sensible advice.

My children aren't my mates, they are expected to behave respectfully and if they resent me for pulling them up for disrespect. Tough. That is my job.

So far, Bluebird, you have been snarky and snide in your one bit of advice offered to the OP.

I'm offering genuine advice as someone who actually understands the kids' side of things here, giving you an idea of how the kids might react.

Why do you claim to have that understanding?

is that post serious?!

I'm offering genuine advice as someone who actually understands the kids' side of things here, giving you an idea of how the kids might react.

Whether or not you heed it is entirely up to you

And the teens were that's ridiculous what about prisons etc.

Would you advice be exactly the same?

Add to it the fact that they'd effectively be punished for their moral and ethical disagreements with what they consider to be bigotry against a minority group...

There has been some really interesting study released about attitude differences between the age groups recently. The study found that those in the 18-29 year age range were actually the age group that was the most intolerant of other’s opinions.

The word ‘bigot’ gets thrown around far too freely these days and it is often used by hypocrits.

Hold on so your advice is:

1. If your teenagers have a different opinion to their mum. The mum should listen to them and might learn something. There was a flavour of not to have strongly held opinions (as if they're strongly held they're unlikely to change).

1. If your teenagers are provoking arguments on a topic they know their mum feels strongly about.

Well.

What strange advice.

Wow, so much to unpack there.

It isn't punishment to look after yourself, it is a privilege to have someone do that for you at that age.

If they are old enough to treat their mum like that, they are old enough to have consequences.

GC isn't bigotry. If they don't understand that, then they need to have a proper conversation, involving listening. Or, not discuss it at all. Picking fights as they are is entitled bullying.

Wow. You are aren't you. A support thread no less. Yuck.

If you want to teach them to be more self-dependent, that's one thing. But this is the kind of thing that kids need to be eased into at a proper pace, and suddenly leaving them on their own as a punishment is a terrible idea.

Framing it as a punishment will make the kids recognize as a punishment.

Add to it the fact that they'd effectively be punished for their moral and ethical disagreements with what they consider to be bigotry against a minority group...

Doesn't take a lot to figure out this will just breed resentment.

Forgotten?

Hasn't a single clue?

Raising children to be independent, well rounded adults does not mean accepting disrespectful behaviour from teens of that age.

That's a really nasty thing to post on a support thread.

You think a mum saying fuck this if you two keep angling for a row with me which I've told you to stop doing. And I've kept my side and STFU on the topic. Then I'm not running around after you.

Is not on?!

Again I think you have forgotten what teenagers are often like!

What a way to make kids not just be embarrassed by you but also despise you.

What, by pointing out that they are old enough to stop considering their mother as the house lackey? That both are also capable of understanding that their mother is a human being and allowed to hold opinions?

Oh, I forgot…. Mothers aren’t allowed opinions and thoughts that are not fully focused on family comfort.

Children who despise their mummy for not wiping their bottoms whilst they treat her like dirt?

Bizarre.

It's called respect, it's 2 way. Women aren't obliged to slave after disrespectful teenagers old enough to do it themselves.

Stop emotionally attacking OP.