I think I’m going mad….

This isn’t just about the teenagers though. It’s about the husband. OP says this isn’t a normal dynamic in her family, so it’s odd that it’s cropped up here. What the OP describes contains all the elements of abusive bullying.

Your husband should be telling your children that you have a right to your opinion, OP, even if he disagrees with it. Instead, he is accusing you of obsesssion on the subject and is telling you to be quiet. If he isn’t usually controlling, I’d wonder why it is he feels so strongly about this particular topic. My ex expressed something similar, but more mildly. And he was abusive, on occasion, though by then I had mostly learned to deflect him.

Why do you feel you have to hide your history? Who is looking? If you don’t hide it, what happens? You know you shouldn’t have to feel that way?

I think you have two choices. If you don’t feel able to debate your views, then you should refuse to discuss it. You can state clearly that you are tired of them attacking you for your opinion and ask them to stop. You can explain that their attacks are hurting you and ask them again to stop. Stay polite and stand your ground. Don’t get dragged into defending yourself. Keep on refusing to discuss it. If necessary, walk away. Consider potential consequences if they carry on being disrespectful to you after you have asked them to stop. They need to know that you will not put up with being disrespected in your own house. Rinse and repeat, every single time it arises.

Your husband should be backing you up in this conversation. I would explain to him beforehand that you want these attacks to stop because they are causing you distress. Remind him that you have a right to your own opinion, whether or not anyone else agrees. Ask him to defend you when you politely ask for these attacks to stop. If he refuses, then I’m afraid his behaviour is definitely abusive on this issue, even if not on others.

Should you feel a little more confident in your understanding, then you might feel able to debate this. Note that I said debate, not defend.

This is what you said in your OP:

I tried to explain briefly why it opposes women’s rights and homosexual rights

I would avoid trying to explain. That’s exactly what they are trying to trap you into and then rather than engage the points you have made, this is how you describe their response:

they said that I imagine all of this and it’s not really happening

So this is the definition of gaslighting. You know this is happening, you know you are not imagining it. They are lying and your response ”I think I’m going mad” is the standard feeling for someone who is being bullied in this particular way.

So if you do want to debate this:

They are attacking you in a hostile manner. You need to stop being defensive and start challenging their views. Ask them difficult questions. “Do you think intact men should be moved into women’s prisons?”

If they tell you it’s not happening, tell them calmly that it is and repeat the question. Continue in this line, repeating that it is happening, tell them to read up if they are unaware, repeat your question. Do not get dragged off onto any other point. Do not get into a discussion about the language you are using.

You need to get them to express their opinion which is either “yes, intact men should be in women’s prisons” or “actually mum, maybe you do have a point and if that is happening, it shouldn’t be”.

If they express the former, then I think I’d point out to them that international human rights laws stipulate that women should only be imprisoned with other women and that if they advocate putting men in women’s prisons, they are advocating the removal of women’s human rights. Then refuse to debate further on the grounds that agreement on the topic is obviously impossible.

But you have to be firm in your own mind before you try this. You have to make some decisions and stick to them. They would include refusing to allow them to derail with lies, refusing to allow them to draw you into defending your own position, refusing to modify your language. You need to talk about intact men with testicles and penis and not get distracted or defensive about the language you are using. Keep to YOUR point, which is that you want a direct answer to your question.

Effectively this is a modification of the Stanniland technique, using a question of your choosing. They will try to get off the hook by any means possible because when you really get down to it, moving men into women’s spaces is, at best, a contentious thing to do. They need to own it if that’s what they’re arguing for.

You can, of course, employ tactic one, if you try tactic two and can’t manage. It took me a long time to be able to stand up to my ex and not let him deflect or distract.

I hope this doesn’t break your relationship apart. If your husband refuses to back you in your reasonable request, then you have a significant problem and I think you probably know that. The status quo isn’t good for your mental health, so letting this go on isn’t really a viable option. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Strikes me that your family have a well-developed sense of proportion and you could learn something from them.
What patronising, belittling, and disingenuous bullshit.

Despite some cackhanded efforts by two posters to demonstrate misogyny on this thread...
Women won't wheesht.
No woman is any man's support human.
Courage calls to courage everywhere.
#No thank you.

Robin likes to know what women are discussing and correct them when Robin perceives they are wrong. And being critical of gender is problematic for Robin, in light of Robins own position.

I suspect there's many that hover here to see if there's anything that they need to be aware of and challenge if they feels it jeopardises their own self interests.

Which is quite desperate really. 🤷.

Op. I am sorry that you are having a different time with your kids and your husband. You should be respected for your opinions and your husband should be setting the tone of respect and value..

When I was a child I remember sitting in my granny's kitchen and hearing my mum get really quite cross over granddad's support of Maggie Thatcher. Years later I was furious at my Dad for actively distribute vote leave materials. But, my Dad is my Dad and I love him and I know my mum felt the same and we have managed to bump along despite our different views.

I know some posters will disagree with my next sentence- but the issue isn't with the difference of opinion, it is with the tone and nastiness within the family about it.

Women shouldn't have to hide their reading materials,whether books or online, from their husbands. How have we got here?

OP if you have to clear your browsing history are you using a family computer or do you have your own devices? My cheeky daughter got her finger print on my phone but I deleted it and changed the code. Lots of teens seem to think they have every right to look at Mum's phone "for the pictures" whilst closely guarding their own.
Change passwords and don't let them access your own devices. If it's a family computer....well I'd change the password on that too and make some conditions before revealing it. Or change the password on your wifi. You can grapple some control here!

The mansplaining teenager with the know it all opinion. Practicing telling women why he is right, and women are wrong. Critical thinking and the ability to debate isn't his thing.

The mansplaining adult quick to point out why he is right. And women are wrong. The critical thought and debating skills are still missing.

Funny how despite the clear age difference between some of these people, the striking similarities are still there. No compassion, no lessons in life learnt. Just a strong internal belief that they are right. And women are wrong. No debate required. No necessity to listen to what is being said to them.It seems like they never grew up.

Yet despite their distain for natal women, they just can't stay away from us. They have to know what's going on. What women are saying. What we are thinking. And they do their best to try and control that. By whatever means available to them. Now that really is an obsession. A very unhealthy one indeed.

The parallels in the ops situation also playing out online. Males attempting manipulate and control. Instead of discussing, debating and learning. Self improvement isn't a thing for some of these people.

I expect Jordon Peterson would have some useful advice for them. Much of which would help them improve their lives. Step up. Take responsibility for their behaviour. But sadly they wouldn't want to take it.

After all, taking personal responsibility is hard work.

Isn't it.

I think we all know how to spot a lady here.

Ask them if the transwoman YouTuber who raped their 80-year old mother with dementia should go to a women’s jail.

Chan is very complex as an example for reasons outlined in this piece:

I would hope that most people would agree that Chris should be dealt with seriously, but so should any person who would encourage someone with clear mental disabilities to sexually abuse another person with mental disabilities. This is the part of the story that mainstream media and other news outlets are missing.

grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/the-results-of-the-chris-chan-experiment

My son was like this when he was 15-17. Had gender queer/non binary friends, and I got behind the various pronouns, and was understanding, unlike DH.

Then Maria McLoughlin happened and I started reading Janice Turner, and obviously the scales fell from my eyes. So then I became a bigot in son's eyes, and DH was bored by my interest in the subject. We had to agree not to talk about it.

Eventually, when he was a bit older (and had begun to realise that his GNC friends actually had various other issues causing them distress) I came across an opportunity to discuss the whole thing, away from home, and explained my position. Then JKR happened.

He's now just as GC as I am. He has lots of GNC friends, and says that most if not all have other issues, and /or are AGP. He will use requested pronouns but no way believes TWAW. Nor do those of his friends who he has (carefully) identified are GC. He's just very careful what he says, with people he doesn't know, so as not to be labelled a Terf. And I support this. DH is also just as GC as I am, though he wonders why I am so invested in this.

So - give it time OP. You are presenting a different view, one their friends don't, and let's face it, we have reality on our side. The derailment of this thread shows how rattled TRA/misogynists are.

@Iootraw1 I am so very sorry that your thread has been derailed. And by some terrible parenting advice to add insult to injury.

Your children seem rude to you. I am so sorry to hear that. I think you need to establish that they cannot be rude and find a consequence. At that age, I think I would change the WiFi password but my children are younger. It is not acceptable to start conversations and mock people for their views. I would start there.

As for the whole trans topic, either you leave them to it or you discuss it when they can be respectful.

Ask them if the transwoman YouTuber who raped their 80-year old mother with dementia should go to a women’s jail. Listen to their views. For bonus points, say that you have heard that many people think it is the fault of lesbians for not sleeping with them and not the fault of the rapist. Then ask who else is owed sex. Are your children owed sex and in that case from whom?

www.invenglobal.com/articles/14713/chris-chan-arrest-barb-assault

Ask them if 9-year old girls should be in the jacuzzi next to exposed semi-erect penises in a spa (WiSpa) incident. Listen to their views.

As them if they think that the migrant women working from home should have agreed to wax Jessica Yaniv’s male genitalia as Jessica Yaniv claimed to be a woman. Listen to their views. Say that you heard that a big part of the case was that it was migrant women. Ask if native Canadian women should have to handle male genitalia against their will.

But I honestly think that the biggest problem you have is the lack of respect from your children. I would start there. And as for the posters who say that their treatment is “justified” due to your views it makes me very uncomfortable. It reminds me of when men says that hitting women is justified due to women’s behaviour.

I get this a bit from my kids. I think it’s because they’ve been told how to think and anyone else who expresses any misgivings about the trans bandwagon is a biggot.
I did get a breakthrough by saying if I took T then do you think i would be literally a man, and you would have two fathers and no mother, and that it’s the literal interpretation that is harmful, not the e being trans.
Apart from that it’s often just why are you obsessed with this? What’s it got to do with you? I think they are just not used to me having strong opinions and not cantering them in everything.

[quote BluebirdsSong]@NiceGerbil
"Would you advice be exactly the same?"

I think in any household where the parents and the kids have starkly different social/political views, making the kids feel they're being punished for that difference is bound to worsen the relationship between the kids and the parents...

Whether or not they should be punished anyway largely depends on what those views are, I would say.[/quote]
Not punished for different opinions, but for a total lack of respect. I would argue you’re not punishing them you’re parenting by respecting their desire to be individuals and have their own rights by according them some of the responsibilities that go with those.

Which way was the echo chamber that I was told I’d find here?

Yes it also implies trans issues lie at the centre of everyone's universe.

Tbh, they just aren't that interesting. Pro-women, those amazing, strong life givers and nurturers.

Yes. The entire point of the OP is about the teenagers respecting their mother and treating her like the important part of the family she is. Ie. Just as important as everyone else, and deserving of having her opinions respected and not bullied for them.

She is pro women. She is not anti-trans. That term is the new one being used to silence women. And it completely misses the point that it draws the spotlight on the fact there ARE conflicts between the rights. Something that has been denied for so long.

'This comment shows that you really don’t understand the complexity of the issues facing teenagers now.'

Disagree.

'This comment shows that you really don’t understand teenagers.'

That's better.

Oh so you've declared that any parent who takes the common approach of saying I'm not going those things any more.

Will end up being despised by their children.

...!

And BTW children don't need to agree with OP, whether social suicide or not. But they need to behave respectfully.

Clear dearie?

Do you think the kids secretly agree with the OP's view on trans people and only express the opposite views because they're afraid of "social gulag"?

This comment shows that you really don’t understand the complexity of the issues facing teenagers now.

Is it not?

You have given op specific 'advice' entirely based on the fact you don't like her views.

You have then said the advice is really important because you understand teenagers.

My point is:
You have demonstrated that you have no clue about how loads of teens behave to their parents, and it's often directed at their mum.
You seem to think that at 15 and 18. They will need to be 'eased into' complex things like feeding themselves and washing their own pants.
You seem unaware that a very common response to your teens behaving in ways that piss off their parent/s in the home they provide. Is to say. Well if you're going to behave like that. You can forget been cooked for etc.

What is your point? It's not exactly clear.

We could parse your previous posts as an indication that you have a teenage view of trans issues. Because you don’t seem to have experience with teenagers being teenagers in 2021. Yet implied that you were giving ‘their’ perspective.

And here you are giving parenting advice on a parenting forum.

@NiceGerbil
Do you think the kids secretly agree with the OP's view on trans people and only express the opposite views because they're afraid of "social gulag"?