Have been called transphobic by my trans child

it’s transphobic because you are reminding your child that they have a vagina, when they identify as male

You seem to have fallen behind on the trans agenda and are now body shaming trans people. It is perfectly acceptable for a transman to be happy with their vagina. The same way a transwoman can be happy with their penis.

it’s about parenting, no need to get all specific about cocks and fannies. everyone knows what goes where

I think the job of a parent is is get specific about teaching biology and reproduction to their children. Not all children have the knowledge you have.

to clarify - you saying it was because he had a penis was the bit that unnecessarily implied that your child would be having vaginal intercourse with their boyfriend which might end in a pregnancy.

it’s transphobic because you are reminding your child that they have a vagina, when they identify as male, it’s the same as misgendering and deadnaming.

just saying ‘no sleepovers with anyone you’re dating until [insert your boundary here] would have sufficed. your child does not need you reminding them that they are female bodied, and it obviously caused them distress which is why they lashed out.

just, let your kid be a kid, you don’t need to talk about anyone’s genitals or bodies with them, only theirs, and only if they want to talk to you about something.

it’s about parenting, no need to get all specific about cocks and fannies. everyone knows what goes where, your child did not need a reminder about why THEY feel uncomfortable in THEIR OWN body.

i hope the sex/gender board disappears up its own arsehole. if you’re that rabid about literally everything to do with transgender issues (and a lot of it IS about being transgender, dressed up as feminism.the irony is delicious) go set up your own forum and rant away at each other while the world moves on without you.

and calling for anyone calling someone out for transphobia to be banned is fucking ridiculous. people get strikes and are banned for genuinely transphobic posts, and everyone just pretends it never happens and you’re all just concerned about female prisoners and badminton players or whatever. i’d love to know how many of you gave the faintest shit about female criminals in prison before it became the smokescreen on here.

except everyone will just say oh! actually i was and always have been! but it’s probably best to remember in these times that people can say whatever they want on the internet, there’s no personal fact checkers assigned out there in meatspace.

do carry on. i’m waiting for someone to mention swimming pool changing rooms and i can finish this bingo card and go to bed.

Horrified that we are talking about "trans" children so casually. WTF

Talking about being trans is done casually on these boards all the time so not sure why you're horrified?

Horrified that we are talking about "trans" children so casually. WTF

Sex is the reason why women and girls are oppressed and gender is the vehicle of that oppression.

A 14 year old female (who thinks, in lockstep with gender ideology, that by identifying as a boy somehow her biological sex is sublimated in favour of gender) needs a) practical safeguarding/boundaries because she is a teenage child with some identity issues in a relationship with a slightly older male teenager, all of which creates its own dynamic and potential vulnerabilities.
And b) a feminist response because it is not actually liberation from patriarchy to believe you can just say the words and identify out of your sex class and all issues to do with being the female sex just magically disappear for you.

Otherwise we'd all have done it.

It’s precisely this magical thinking which leads her to call her mum a transphobe because OP doesn't believe teenage boys actually change sex and become indistinguishable from girls. Because biology.

For some reason I keep on thinking about the Magdalen Berns video where she talks about, is it Ash Hardell?, getting a staff uniform changed for themself but not campaigning on behalf of the rest of the women who worked there for a widening of the uniform policy for everyone to benefit.

And in that way 'identifying out' ultimately ends up reinforcing the stereotypes for everyone.

To me it seems pretty straightforward that most parents wouldn't want two opposite sex teenagers sharing a room regardless of gender identity - it's a sex-based decision and gender ideology doesn't really influence it. Most posters here seem to agree with that.

You do read deep, don't you? A whole new world between the lines!

Maybe REALLY?!?! And an insinuation that I don't care about safeguarding
Is polite conversation for you. But I've spent long enough on the feminist boards to know it isn't

At least have some integrity and own your rudeness, don't try and gaslight your way out of it.

In response you've made insinuations, been rude and most recently, implied I'm the thread police.

The irony of insults and basically a #nodebate response to asking for help understanding an issue on this board is not lost on me.

I can totally see why new posters would find it off putting. FWIW I was against the separation of the FWR boards but your persistent rudeness is starting to give me an insight into why it was requested.

Interesting the difference a name change can make!

I don't know. 14 is young for any kind of romantic relationship sleepover in my opinion.

That's why I'm confused as to why no one is willing to answer a simple query But what was the simple query that has gone unanswered?

You do read deep, don't you? A whole new world between the lines!

Agree, your job is to set and defend boundaries.
It's what parents do!

Also apologies @CuriousaboutSamphire

I didn't answer your question about where you were rude. Generally I'd interpret a question that ends in REALLY?!?? As indicating exasperation/aggression, or at least not a tone that's looking to help me understand the issues. That combined with the inference that I don't care about safeguarding and the ignoring of my point about silencing because it's inconvenient to your narrative isn't exactly polite is it?
Are you suggesting that would be a good thing? No commentary on safeguarding in the right place REALLY!?!?!

I'm bewildered why some posters have told the OP that she is in the wrong.

Have they considered, for a single moment the additional psychological ramifications of an unplanned pregnancy for a young female already struggling with gender identity and distress around their sexed body?

I think the answer is no, they have not thought about this.

DelphiniumBlue

Just because your DC is trans, doesn't mean the bf is. In fact he's almost certainly not.

Ehhh? OP never said the bf was trans. Her child is. Presumably if the bf was also trans then both children would be biologically female and sleepover would be a different issue.

@CuriousaboutSamphire
You keep asking why OP posted here rather than somewhere else.
Where exactly have I asked this?

You moaned about it on a few replies despite OP saying thatthis is where she felt it was the best fit for her. That's you wanting OP to post where YOU see fit and not breaking some rules only you seem to know!!

Again, Where have I moaned?
OP is welcome to post where she likes. Other posters are welcome to query that posting when the thread doesn't seem to chime with the topic. That's what's happened here. Odd that none of the posters taking the time to write such long responses to a simple question can actually answer the question.

Except it didn't. I still don't know if you meant to say that if OP had posted in LGBT parenting she would have been better off as she owuldn't have had any of the safeguarding comments - which is a pretty odd thing to have said! So I asked if that is what you meant...

I didn't say or mean to say any of those things. Again a lot of projection. I simply asked what the feminist issues were in this thread and when safeguarding was raised pointed out that not all safeguarding issues are feminist issues, so I'm not actually any clearer and it seems no one actually want to explain anything.

Yes and this one exists against the wishes of many people who post in FWR regularly. New posters kept popping up and hectoring, demanding. Saying things like "actual feminist issues will be drowned out"
Yeah, it's definitely not that some of us name change because this is a sensitive topic If I wasn't a regular poster I'd have given up ages ago! I know the FWR women are a knowledgeable bunch. That's why I'm confused as to why no one is willing to answer a simple query

This sort of posting is precisely why some regular FWR posters didn't want a split of the boards here. Because common sense tells you that by putting all of us GC apples in one basket we became an easy target for monitors, thread police and Uncle Tom Cobbley and all. Thus proving something to someone and helping shut women up, stop us discussing what we want to how we want to.

I find it bizarre that me politely asking someone to explain what the feminist issues are in this thread has generated such a response.

If you genuinely think that me politely saying that I'm struggling to understand the feminist issue on this thread is the reason for all of the above then I suspect nothing I say would register as reasonable!

Ooh!

No one has further demanded segregation of discussion on this thread ... There's a lot of straw-manning here. You did, more than once. You keep asking why OP posted here rather than somewhere else. You moaned about it on a few replies despite OP saying thatthis is where she felt it was the best fit for her. That's you wanting OP to post where YOU see fit and not breaking some rules only you seem to know!!

MN called the topic feminism:sex and gender because the topic is about sex and gender issues that impact feminism. There are other topics that discuss trans parenting queries for example. I refer you to the above and repeat - OP chose here because it best fit her needs.

A few of us have simply queried what the feminist issue is here and why this is in feminism? There was no need for a rude response or to insinuate that I don't care about safeguarding. I wasn't rude and you brought up safeguarding in a rather opaque way - which I queried. Is that what you mean by 'rude' ?

I'm glad that my literal repetition of my previous post made my point clearer for you to understand. Except it didn't. I still don't know if you meant to say that if OP had posted in LGBT parenting she would have been better off as she owuldn't have had any of the safeguarding comments - which is a pretty odd thing to have said! So I asked if that is what you meant...

There's a risk that actual feminist issues will be drowned out by general gender/parenting queries. Different boards exist for that reason. Yes and this one exists against the wishes of many people who post in FWR regularly. New posters kept popping up and hectoring, demanding. Saying things like "actual feminist issues will be drowned out"

There's absolutely no reason to attack posters who are simply asking what the feminist issue of this thread in the feminism board is Again with the hyperbole. What attack? Or was I right in assuming that you consider a question to be an attack?

This sort of posting is precisely why some regular FWR posters didn't want a split of the boards here. Because common sense tells you that by putting all of us GC apples in one basket we became an easy target for monitors, thread police and Uncle Tom Cobbley and all. Thus proving something to someone and helping shut women up, stop us discussing what we want to how we want to.

For shame!

Another poster simply asked what the feminist issue was and I agreed that I too was struggling to see the feminist issues in this thread.

Bizarre that a simple question and a comment genuinely asking about feminism issues on the feminism board warrants such defensive responses (none of which actually answer the question)