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Original poster

Have been called transphobic by my trans child

254 replies

Firevixen · 26/07/2021 17:23

My trans boy child just called me transphobic because I said they couldn't have their boyfriend over for a sleepover because they have a penis. My DC is 14 and the BF is 15.

They asked me what about if they had a transgirl stay over and I said that would be a no too because they have a penis.

So my DC thinks I'm transphobic and that I think that they are going to go around having sex with everyone.

I'm not being unreasonable am I? no one in their right mind would let two underage teenagers of the opposite sex, who are dating, have a sleepover, would they?

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 26/07/2021 18:12

At 14 I wouldn't allow anyone of the opposite sex to sleep over, whether they are trans or not.

I also wouldn't allow anyone they were in a romantic relationship to sleep over, whether they are the same or the opposite sex.

I don't see how either of those could be construed as transphobic since they apply to anyone who is trans as well as anyone who isn't.

Barracker · 26/07/2021 18:11

No opposite sex sleepovers is perfectly reasonable.
I'm not sure you're making the situation as clear as you might by using 'boy' and 'girl' interchangeably regardless of sex. If you laid down strong boundaries about the language of naming physical realities, it might be easier when it comes to actually defending physical boundaries!

Nevertheless, your (female) child is 14. Opposite sex sleepovers in the same bed with male children is obviously inappropriate.

Dontwatchfootball · 26/07/2021 18:09

It is not really about the trans status is it? More about people who are dating and underage not being in a position where they are likely to have sex.

FloralBunting · 26/07/2021 18:06

I would just say, the gender is not the issue - the opposite sex is a flat no at this stage.

SuccessfullySaved · 26/07/2021 18:05

I'd put a ban on sleep overs that could lead to pregnancy, regardless of who is what gender

Theunamedcat · 26/07/2021 18:04

Nice try sweetie but and acts that can add to the population are a no no under my roof end of discussion 🙄

malloo · 26/07/2021 17:59

Your child knows they are not going to be allowed to do this but they're having a go anyway because the job of a teen is to push boundaries. They've decided to play the transphobic card because it's often a winner. Obviously 'trans' is irrelevant to this issue which is about biology. You're not transphobic OP, you're a perfectly reasonable parent.

KohlaParasanda · 26/07/2021 17:58

A family is not a democracy and you are entitled to veto any overnight house guest under your roof for any reason you wish, or for no reason at all. I don't think even the most trans-accepting parents would consent to someone with a penis sharing a bed with a 14-year-old who is presumably at risk of getting pregnant, whatever gender identities are involved. That's just responsible parenting.

Helleofabore · 26/07/2021 17:53

No. No opposite sex sleepovers in bedrooms.

HasaDigaEebowai · 26/07/2021 17:52

No sleepovers with members of the opposite sex whether they are dating or not dating is the rule in this house.

FlyPassed · 26/07/2021 17:50

You are safeguarding your child. Your child is kicking against the boundaries you are setting. It was ever thus.

Iwastheparanoidex · 26/07/2021 17:49

And none of my kids are trans and that was my rules when they were teens. I didn’t do mixed sex sleepovers at all. Ever.

Iwastheparanoidex · 26/07/2021 17:48

I wouldn’t allow anyone they’re in a relationship to sleep over. End of.

Friends of the opposite sex would be a no sleeping in the bedroom too.

Original poster
Firevixen · 26/07/2021 17:47

So, it seems there is a mix of reactions here. To the people who say sex is irrelevant, would you allow friends of the opposite sex to sleepover? bearing in mind my DC has a small room and they would have to share a bed.

To make things more complicated, I said yes to my DC having a sleepover at another trans boys house, as they are both biological girls. Should it just be a blanket, no boys rule, regardless of sex?

OP posts:
flowery · 26/07/2021 17:46

It’s not transphobic because clearly your child’s trans-ness is entirely irrelevant. You would not allow your female child to have a male boyfriend sleep over, whether your child identifies as a boy or a girl.

Babyboomtastic · 26/07/2021 17:37

Irrespective of their senses, it would be a no from me as they are underage. That they are biologically the opposite sex and therefore sex also comes with a risk of pregnancy does need to be something they are reminded of though.

5zeds · 26/07/2021 17:34

Dates can’t stay overnight in your bedroom. Penis/no penis is not the issue.

Iwastheparanoidex · 26/07/2021 17:33

If at 14 they’re in a relationship with the person that person isn’t sleeping over. Regardless of whether or not they do or do not have a penis.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 26/07/2021 17:32

How on earth is it transphobic for OP to say that no her DC can’t have a person of the opposite sex to sleep over? Who let’s 2 opposite sex underage teenagers who are dating have a sleep over?

TooWicked · 26/07/2021 17:31

My 14 year old child wouldn’t be having a sleepover with someone they were classing as their boyfriend or girlfriend, penis or no penis. It’s far too young.

PaterPower · 26/07/2021 17:30

The transphobic accusation is just a complete smokescreen and an attempt by your DC to coerce you into doing what they want (teenagers!)

I’m sure there are parents out there that would allow it, some going on the theory that they’ll “just do it anyway, so make it a safe environment” etc.

But I wouldn’t, and nor would any of my friends (those that have DC).

HermioneWeasley · 26/07/2021 17:30

Of course YANBU, it’s nothing to do with trans status, it’s basic parenting

AlfonsoTheMango · 26/07/2021 17:30

At that age - no romantic partners for sleepovers. The sex of the person is irrelevant.

NeedNewKnees · 26/07/2021 17:30

You’re right, OP, no one would allow that, whatever combination of identities or sexualities.

Helleofabore · 26/07/2021 17:29

@iwantavuvezela

Would it not be two teenagers who are dating? That makes sense to me ... not the focus on whether they have a penis .... I agree that I wouldn’t allow a sleepover at that age between two teenagers who are dating .... it does sound transphobic to me
To be clear, do you think that it sounds transphobic to give the reason as being that a person has a penis? And can impregnate a 14 year old? That is transphobic to state?