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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Only one way to be a girl

31 replies

LizzieHexam · 03/07/2021 21:28

I’ve NC for this. My 14 yr old daughter has been breast binding. We’ve talked about feminism and trans stuff for a while now. She was always interested in feminism, never a stereotypically “girly” girl. I hoped I was helping her see that women come in all shapes and sizes, can do what they want, look how they want. But her group have been very into gay and trans stuff, former, no prob, but usual mis information re latter - suicide and mortality stats.
Every girl around here at the local schools looks the same, I kid you not - all have long hair, centre parting, it’s scary. She has very short hair, always wears trousers at school.
So, I had a word with a few teachers/nurse at school re the binder on the basis of safeguarding. I think they’re better than most schools - agree the safety issues, work with parents etc, but one said “oh yes, we thought given that she wears trousers and doesn’t look like the other girls, that she may be questioning her gender identity”.
My heart just broke. Is there no room for girls who DON’T want to look like the prescribed image ? What are we telling our girls? There is just this ONE way to “be a girl”, and if you don’t do it right, people will think you must be ‘trans”, really a “boy”? If all around are thinking this - including whoever got her the binder - what chance does she have? I feel broken, so sad, so angry with a very dysfunctional world at the moment. I know all the stuff that is going on, have raised my kids to be themselves, ignoring stereotype, but I feel the world is against me.

OP posts:
LizzieHexam · 03/07/2021 22:19

I think it was just a shock. Just a girl that wears trousers and has short hair must be thinking that maybe she is a boy. ??
I just thought, what the hell chance do they have? We know that teenagers are so vulnerable to how others perceive them. Their peers think this. The teachers think this. It is truly dangerous.

OP posts:
JellySlice · 03/07/2021 22:18

Sorry, don't mean to be snappish. I also have a teenage dd caught up in this quagmire.

JellySlice · 03/07/2021 22:16

There is just one way to be a girl, and that is to not have the Y chromosome. The biological aspects of being a girl follow from that.

Anything else is what society imposes on her, her response to society, and her personality. None of them make her a girl.

FemaleAndLearning · 03/07/2021 22:07

I feel for you and agree most girls at secondary look like clones. My daughter hasn't been at school much the last two years and in that time has had her hair cut short and wears more masculine clothes. I'm just waiting for some well meaning therapist to suggest her problems stem from her questioning her identity as a girl. She is very much girl equals young female human. She has a girlfriend and she is slowly converting her view that women are non men and that lesbians relationships are between two non men! There are several girls who claim to be trans in her year (8) but my daughter thinks they are just lesbians. Even at her young age she is well aware that lesbian is not a cool word.
At her age I too had short hair but then I was a teenager in the 80s.
I don't have any advice other than to drip feed 8nformation in a non confrontational way.

Melroses · 03/07/2021 22:04

When my girls were at school, they had banned skirts so everyone wore trousers.

Before that, there was a lot of peer pressure to wear shorter and shorter skirts and girls who wore trousers were picked on as lesbians. Fortunately binders were not a thing then.

School is a tough place. I really feel for you Flowers

somethinginoffensive · 03/07/2021 21:47

I really feel for you. Schools are much more conformist for girls than they were in the 80s.