Only one way to be a girl

Might this article be of interest to her?

'I spent seven years identifying as a boy': Richard Branson's daughter
mol.im/a/9753083

Holly looks great in her Dinner Jacket outfit as a child and that was quite fashionable back then with Princess Diana wearing similar.

My DD really hated all the prom stuff with her peers buying dresses that wouldn't have looked out of place in a Disney movie. She bought a £20 men's naval dress suit from a charity shop. In the end the full shirt /cummerbund etc was too much so she wore a strapless black jumpsuit with the naval jacket with all the gold braiding etc. The only one not in a dress and everyone admired her look.

It really is so weird. As a teen, in the mid-90s, I used to wear my hair short and mainly wore jeans, doc boots and a leather jacket. Most of the guys I knew actually dressed the same but most had long hair. If I'd had an option of school trousers instead of a horrible skirt, I'd have picked the former. I watched football, did karate, read comics, loved sci-fi. But never, ever imagined any of that meant I was in anyway a boy.

I also enjoyed 'girl' things too. I rarely wore make-up but didn't mind it. Read my weight in Sweet Valley High books. Watched Blossom every Friday evening. Had more feminine clothes that I'd wear or not wear depending on how I felt. Though thinking about it, fashions like a skater dress with dark tights, doc boots and no make-up was probably more physically and mentally comfortable a way to express femininity than a lot current teen girl fashions.

The gender conformity in the younger generation is strong. The space for non conformers has been truly colonised by definitions around identity.
It's worrying because of the self harming aspects (for both) that are so prevalent in adolescence.
I have a short haired, trouser wearing DD too and this has been a concern for me. At the moment she seems very happy and unusually contented for a teen in her body and lack of gender identity. Refreshingly she commented to me recently how much easier it is simply to be female, dress how you want to and not feel the need for a label. She is fully expecting someone to ask her at some point if she's NB. Many of her peers spend much time and angst on this.

My parents showed me that they loved me for who I was , that I could be me ,that my body didn't affect who I was , they lightly dismissed or ridiculed people with strong stereotype views

Is it just your daughter's appearance that she is uncomfortable with or are other aspects of her personality & strengths leading to low level bullying by others ?

*sorry - just to clarify, I've never had dysphoria or questioned that I'm a woman. But reading the article, I saw how that could so easily have been me either if I was a lesbian or if I had been growing up now, when social pressure is so strong to question your identity if you don't follow the exact same cookie-cutter mould.

I vividly remember thinking that everything I liked doing was much harder for me because I was a woman, and none of the benefits of being a woman were anything I wanted (I didn't want kids for years). But luckily for me, that was 20 years ago and no one suggested to me that I wasn't a woman so I just got on with being me as best I could. Very much hope your daughter likewise manages to find a way to be herself - her whole, wonderful, unique, individual self.

Here you go lilymaynard.com/my-first-article-a-mums-voyage-through-transtopia/

You sound like an amazing mum OP. I worry this is the future for dd as well as at 7 years old she already the only girl in the class with short hair and wearing trousers. Another resource worth looking at/showing your DD is Lily Maynard excellent essay about her daughter who id'd as trans, which also had a section written by her daughter, who desisted. I will try to find the link but try googling Lily Maynard and Trans-topia.

Have you read this brilliant article where Lauren Black talks about how the way society is towards her as a woman and as a lesbian gave her dysphoria - which she rejects and fights.

I'm a straight woman, but I don't conform to stereotypes of femininity (STEM career, not into clothes and beauty) and the article really spoke to me. It's one of those where it explains something which you didn't know or understand before you read it, but as soon as you do it's completely obvious. Hope it helps your daughter too.

(There have been a couple of threads about it already on the board, but including in case you hadn't seen it.)

Follow your gut. Never lie to her. What definitely helped us, and has always helped, is that whenever my kids do what kids do, they understand where my boundaries are, and that there is a safe, true place with me. Hold that line. Most important one of all - if they trust you to always tell the truth, it's powerful, and it'll go a long way to keeping them safe.

Yes, my daughter was flashed on the way home from school for one thing, and she's inherited both her grandmother's sizeable breasts, which she was massively self conscious about. She also liked her hair short (still does!) and was bullied about it. I remember the day she told me 'I'm a boy' so clearly. Brought me back to MN in the end as I researched wtf you were supposed to say to that.

I remember one of the first threads I posted about it, a TRA called me a child abuser for saying 'she' I think and mentioning that she had issues with self harm. Such a caring bunch they are.

I'm really sorry, OP. It must be very hard to come up against this.

It's absurd that wearing trousers is seen as meaning someone is questioning their 'gender identity'. Utterly absurd, offensive, idiotic - I could go on.

LizzieHexam, firstly, well done. You sound like you're engaged and on the ball. My daughter ID'd as trans at around the same age. She's now nearly 18 and cheerfully non conforming in many ways and much happier in her own skin. I also said no to a binder.

My main advice is to keep going. Keep reassuring her there is no one way to be a girl, that she is free to be herself, and keep the lines of communication open, whatever happens. Tell her the truth, and give her a broad view of the world.

For all the shit that gets thrown at our kids, you are still her primary influence, even at 14, and as long as she knows she can trust you, and that you love her, you genuinely are in the best position you can be. Solidarity to you x

This makes me feel so so sad.
When I was at school 100 years ago girls used to tell me "if you were a boy I would fancy you" & I just used to think WTF? I wasn't a fucking boy!

Blimey.

DD went to a girls' school, just a few years ago (graduated today) - her friends ran the gamut from very feminine to two who chose to wear suits bought from a menswear department to their school prom (DD was somewhat envious mainly because they could wear sensible shoes with their suits I think, but she wasn't tall enough for such attire). But there was never any suggestion they were anything other than girls - no name changing, no 'pronouns'.

I am so sorry OP. I worry at times about my DD (15) as she too could be swept up in this by the right / wrong people. I am however grateful that her main friendship group haven't really brought into it and there are enough of them with their own styles that they just go about their day to day.

It's just ridiculous that short hair and trousers = boy.

OP I am so sorry. I wish I had some advice.

If it was my daughter, I think I would try to take her away for the summer and ban all internet access. But I really don’t have experience with this.

It makes you wish there was no 'trans' and we just had femmen and womascs as cargories if people must have catgories.