Am I non binary?

Well in the event that you HAVE to pick s gender identity.

Then agender is how (on threads on here) an awful lot of women feel.

This frustrates me.

The whole thing is based on the experience of trans people. The transexual old school people. Who by definition have a strongly held internal sense of their gender(sex). And it's core to them and a source of massive discomfort.

This was extrapolated to everyone though.

Has there ever been a study, with people who had it explained really clearly and got to grips with the concept, how they feel?

I don't think there has.

The generally accepted approach that

The vast majority of people have a. Internal gender ID
that this is core to their identity
That it is strongly felt

Is just made up tbh.

When this is pointed out, the response seems to be. You're so comfy with your cisgender internal ID that you don't even notice it.

Handy that. And very original to tell (mainly) women that they don't know their own minds.

I've read that being agender (no internal sense of gender ID) is very rare.

???

The assertions about how it works and who feels what come from ideology. Not actual knowledge.

But I didn't think you could be cis unless your gender identity matches your biological sex. I don't know my gender identity and I don't have a clue how to work out what one is. So I am nothing?

Most people are trans according to stonewall umbrella.

In practice though.

That obvious fact is not allowed to be true as the whole thing hinges on most people being 'cis'.

If you disagree with the assertions of stonewall etc you must be cis.

If you are not the sort of person who is supposed to be trans. Especially if you're a woman who is middle aged or older. And/ or you have children. Then even if you identify as trans good luck with getting your identity pronouns etc respected.

If you disagree but can't be cis as you've had surgery etc. Then you are called truscum. Lovely.

I'm sure I meet the definition of non binary. I actually wear more clothes from the men's department than the women's so that might push me further along to the GI Joe end of the gender spectrum.

I wonder whether I feel materially different than someone who does identify as NB but given that they think it matters to have a label whereas I think it matters to be female and bust stereotypes, I guess there is a difference. I probably present more non binary than some with the label though.

I don't identify as anything, I'm a female. I have long hair, wear skirts and make up and have a large collection of stuffed animals, but I like trains/train spotting, crime novels, never wear high heels or shave, and enjoy drinking ale. Still a woman, who just likes different things.

Yeah but when would it even come up? Nobody on my course would even know if I was non binary, it would be a totally weird thing to ram into conversation. I do think too many people at the moment are obsessed with ‘being’ something, instead of just being whoever they are.

I think generally people love to have a label to attach themselves to. It gives them a tribe of people who identify with them and they can feel some sort of connection with. Teenagers in particular love this sort of thing - punk, goth, emo, non binary - people want to feel part of a group. Often as you get older you realise it's a load of nonsense but it depends how desperate for attention you are.

Why do computer scientists get Christmas mixed up with Halloween?

Because 25 DEC = 31 OCT

I'll be on my way now....

Yes and no.

Well, saying “I’m non binary” also serves the purpose of placing the sayer in the “in group” for this, which is what a lot of it is about. You’re signaling that you understand the politics, and you’re onside. Not one of those horrid old bigots over there. It gets you more leeway from having your behaviour examined.

Also, would saying ‘I’m non binary’ really change anything? Your life would go on just the same.

To be honest, a disconnect between 20 year old uni students and a woman in her forties is hardly surprising. You are a lot older and have much more life experience. I don’t think identifying as non binary will bring your lived experience closer to theirs.

You're a woman who is critical of stereotypes. Plenty of us are. We are still women. I loathe the way lots of young people have got this idea from somewhere that the majority of women who say "I am a woman" have somehow been brainwashed into stereotypical behaviour and that we buy into it all. We definitely don't. Feminists have been talking and writing about all this stuff for at least a hundred years.

Sound like an ordinary woman to me. Stupid fucking attention seeking labels and definitions like that are meaningless

I’ve decided that I identify as agender (which means not having a gender).

Or rather, that’s what I would identify as if I had to choose.

Google tells me that agender falls under the non-binary umbrella, so 🤷‍♀️

My DH cooks, cleans, looks after our child and does the shopping.

I unblock u-bends, wear trousers, and secure points on the track as part of my job.

I think we are both non-binary. Or in other words: normal.

YesClemFandango

Who can say? More importantly, who in your uni peers will be willing to say you are not.

helleofabore

I guess it's like when women tried to be admitted to golf clubs or the freemasons, or when state school graduates try to rise beyond a certain point in city firms. They say the special group is about one thing but really it's about claiming and preserving privilege.

Should I tell them that I am non binary so that they understand that I prefer to be taken more seriously than women who just identify as women?

Please try it and report back.

PaleGreenGhost

It didn’t quite have the reassuring effect I expected though. There doesn’t seem to be any reassuring some non-binary people that their experience is heard and shared by so many.

I will keep mentioning it on all the threads that pop up….