The use of the term 'trans widow'

And you evidently know zero about trans widows lives pre transition. Because if you did you wouldn't have written all this to say just how wrong those women are.
They dont act as if the transitioned one is dead, the transitioned one actually is gone. Deadnaming, birth cert reissued in the correct sex, new name, new clothes, new breasts, possibly but not always neo vagina, all of this and more and the wife is just supposed to shrug and say 'ok then' ?

So the transitioner rewrites an entire lifetime and the one not transitioning has to agree and even be happy and remember a new name after decades of a dead name?

What is becoming clear to me is that certain people don't see women marrying someone as a choice they make because the woman wants happiness and she feels that the person she is marrying provides that happiness because she loves the things about them that make her happy. But that a woman just marries in order to be a support human for a man, come what may.

If a woman marries a man and it turns out that that man is not the person she fell in love with, or that the man changes himself so completely that he is unrecognisable to the person that she married then of course the woman is going to feel a sort of bereavement. And she should be allowed to voice that.

This idea that women should carry on loving or supporting someone who is absolutely not the person they fell in love with/married and that she is not allowed to voice how it makes her feel that her husband is now a completely different person, is just more misogyny.

Women are allowed to be happy too.

So the transitioner rewrites an entire lifetime and the one not transitioning has to agree and even be happy and remember a new name after decades of a dead name?

And now transitioners are trying to stop divorces, I actually believe whole heartedly that once a transition is under way a divorce should be granted immediately, no waiting.
Adults dont have to enable other adults to transition, of course no one should stand in their way, but to make someone actively participate in that journey by dint of being married is coercive control.

Calling yourself a trans widow, acting as if your ex is dead and comparing yourself to people whose partners have died (and in some instances saying you have it worse) is just so unnecessarily cruel. No on is asking the ex partners of trans people not to grieve, they're asking them to have some empathy, and a lesson in empathy might go a long way for people who are GC.

I'm gender critical. I'm also a widow. I have no issue with trans widows using the term widow. It's describes the situation perfectly. I think it's a shame people like you don't have any empathy for trans widows. Lots of empathy for the trans person. Fuck all for the wives and children who are left behind to deal with the fall out and emotional trauma. Go and bother yourself with something more important than undermining the horrific experience trans widows often go through. Shameful.

These women had common experiences. Common themes were

• Being coerced by their husbands into performing sexual acts that made them uncomfortable

• secretive and compulsive behaviour on the part of their husbands

• compulsive spending by their husbands and direction of family money towards transitioning

• pressure to redefine their sexual orientation

• pressure to agree to revisions of history

not everyone who is divorced experiences this. But from the testimony I've seen most women who would describe themselves as transwidows have experienced some or all of these things

people with unique and shared experiences need and deserve words to describe themselves

and no wonder people try to shut down transwidows voices. their real experiences are quite inconvenient

Having read the Trans Widows threads I think that is a fairly mild term given what they’ve been through.

I don't know how the relates to people in non abusive relationships co-opting the term widow to describe their divorce.

I see that many people really do believe the propaganda style pieces published and simply not ever wondered about where the rest of the family's voices were. I guess if you have such a superficial knowledge of it all, and have also believed that any discuss around this topic must only come from hate (as it is also described by those publishing only positive affirming articles) it may never cross your mind.

After all, lobby groups have worked tirelessly to remove any mental health connected to dysphoria and now removing dysphoria even from transitioning.....

Do people think, oh! obviously when I read the transwidow accounts that have been silenced so long, what other things may not be quite as everyone perpetuating these only affirming stories would have us believe?

or has the propaganda bus selling mythical happy endings, and framing 'haters' as those being not be in full support or those that discuss any negative aspects, been so successful....

Men are whatever men say they are and women are whatever men say they are.

A little know aspect of Stonelaw seems to be that sexuality is related to gender, not sex, except for wives who it is assumed will change their own sexuality in line with the gender of their partner. (The Married Women's property Act of 1882 did not cover ownership of sexuality, so presumably we have to assume it passes into male ownership).

I think it's a satisfying luxury belief for the flying monkeys to have. They get to virtue signal to their heart's content over something they feel will never happen to them.

We all thought it would never happen to us.

I’m really angry on your behalf too, @TinselAngel (and others).

This is just so wrong on so many levels.

Tinsel You are always articulate, including when rightly angry.

Those acting as 'flying monkeys' and attacking women speaking out about intimate partner abuse will be either naive or toxic. Its a common pattern of behaviour,

medium.com/@OwnYourReality/flying-monkeys-the-narcissists-tool-for-the-smear-campaign-798daf7a59c0

Thanks For the quote R0, I'm more articulate when I'm not really fucking angry

Women Are Human article,
'These Chains That Have No Name: Interview with Trans Widows Voices' By Donovan Cleckley -March 31, 2021

(extract)
When I have seen narratives from women, who could be called ‘trans widows,’ even if they might not call themselves that, one characteristic among them that I have noticed has been a consistent sense of isolation. Aside from being wives, many of these women are mothers who, with their children, begin feeling as if imprisoned by their husbands’ identities as ‘women.’ As seen in your story, what might have seemed to be, at first, a loving marriage between man and woman comes to feel as though a cage. Given both your own experiences and those of other women whose stories you have seen, what would you say about this dynamic between husbands and wives?

I know that I felt very isolated during my marriage. Being your husband’s secret keeper and sharing his ‘closet’ is claustrophobic. When my ex-husband started to think about leaving the closet, he quickly gained a Greek chorus of online supporters cheering on his progress toward transition. I had nobody until very late on when I told my best friends.

I didn’t find any groups or support networks for trans widows, indeed that name didn’t exist back then. The only thing I found was the Women of the Beaumont Society (WOBS), and this seemed to consist of older women putting up with teeth grindingly miserable relationships with crossdressers – or younger women in what I now know to be abusive relationships with autogynephilic men. I didn’t relate to either of these.

After I had left the marriage and begun to reflect, this is what motivated me to start connecting with other trans widows on Mumsnet and what motivated me to start Trans Widows Voices. I passionately believe that women should not feel like they are on their own when they are in that situation. I also realized that nobody was going to step up and help us – we have to make connections and help ourselves and each other." (continues)

www.womenarehuman.com/these-chains-that-have-no-name-interview-with-trans-widows-voices/

Co-opting the words ‘woman,’ ‘wife’ and ‘mother’ doesn’t ever seem to be an issue for the people who love to lecture, does it...

Why is that? Might it have something to do with the rules of Misogyny?

I think it is up to those wives to describe themselves. It seems a good term and it it helps to have a group term to share experiences. It has rely opened my eyes to the pain these 'widows' feel.

And 'trans widows' don't want to stay married to somebody against that person's wishes (as offensively suggested by Stonewall).

They just want some control over the way the marriage ends.

I don't know how the relates to people in non abusive relationships co-opting the term widow to describe their divorce.

I think you are a bit confused about the changes Stonewall are suggesting and what 'trans widow' means.

Stonewall want to make it possible to change the terms of somebody's marriage, without their agreement.

there is a penny, it may drop.

but maybe it won't............

I don't know how the relates to people in non abusive relationships co-opting the term widow to describe their divorce.

relevant thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feminism/3452784-Coercive-Control-a-need-for-better-awareness

Sorry I'm not really sure what your point is here. You've linked to a story about a woman who escaped an incredibly abusive relationship, I don't know how the relates to people in non abusive relationships co-opting the term widow to describe their divorce.

Leahcar, your post does not demonstrate either a clear understanding of the GRA or familiarity with the concept of 'dead naming'.

Any right to empathy must surely depend on the circumstances of a given situation, so it's odd to expect empathy from a group of people whose individual circumstances you cannot possibly understand.