The use of the term 'trans widow'

And for cannon junior too.

TieYourCannons

My ex was planning the transition for months but kept me completely in the dark about it. One evening he announced it as a done deal, and the next day was the last I ever saw of him. It was as sudden as a car crash. I had no time to prepare the children or myself. So yeah, it felt like a death. It was a few years ago but recently one of my DC said something so heartbreaking. They said, very quietly, that sometimes they feel it would be easier if daddy was dead because then they would know why he won't see them. I felt so sorry for them.

I'm not comparing myself to a widow. Widows are widows and transwidows are transwidows, and as someone said upthread, grief is not a competition. Besides, we don't 'go around calling ourselves transwidows.' We don't go round calling ourselves anything at all, because surprise surprise we aren't enabled to speak openly about what's happened to us. The term suffices, but if it was changed I wouldn't care because the important thing is what it represents and what it enables us to do.

Good to see where your priorities lie, and it is obviously not with women and children.

Or at least those women who have never had a penis.

Perfectly put Helleofabore. The lack of any empathy or even understanding for women and children who find themselves in this invidious position through no fault of their own is astounding.

All the cheering and sycophancy over the man who transitions is sickening, frankly the women who doing this when they are not in the least effected by it should take a long hard look at themselves and hang their heads in shame. I guess I shouldn't be surprised though because as ever it's all about the men, not one single, solitary toss is given for the women and children - plus ca change plus la meme chose.

@Thelnebriati

Oh, damn There really is no support for trans widows, it was bad enough trying to find others before we had a name.

Echoing the acknowledements of excellent posts by Prawn and ByGrabTharsHammer (I hope I got that right!) and also extending some love to other people who have lost their partners on this thread including those objecting to the term transwidows. I don't agree with you but I am sorry for your loss.

The transwidows threads on here really opened my eyes, they made me cry and admire the strength of the women posting so for me Tinsel and Inebriati can call themselves what they wish too and I will support them all the way. I abhor the abuse you have been getting recently but I know it is because you are a very sore point in all this - a little exposure of some chinks in all the positive stories which ignore the families.

This thread like the comments which have come before (previous threads and posts in the transwidow threads themselves) are in worse taste than alternative uses of the word 'widow; they are deliberately targeting women who have already been through enough and are trying to fight back.

Tinsel

More power to you.

No on is asking the ex partners of trans people not to grieve, they're asking them to have some empathy, and a lesson in empathy might go a long way for people who are GC.

I am still reeling from the hypocrisy of this statement.

Written on a feminist board.

Where we centre females.

And we fight against abuse of those females, whatever age.

Where we are told that not only 'GC' (those naughty women) people should have empathy for trans people (missing the point that many regulars on this board actually have trans people in their everyday lives and have plenty of empathy for them). But, that the families of transitioners deserve no empathy for the predicament they are in through NO decision of their own.

The families of transitioners should instead ignore their own pain and, in too many instances abuse, to show empathy for those who have harmed them.

Nice one.

Good to see where your priorities lie, and it is obviously not with women and children.

Or at least those women who have never had a penis.

Tinsel sorry you have been getting abuse. I follow the trans widows thread but don't post as I am not one. You have achieved a remarkable thing and built a community with the regulars on that board. My hat goes off to all of you. 💐

If they all suddenly stopped and called themselves something else, they wouldn't be able to support one another or find each other

Yes.

What is becoming clear to me is that certain people don't see women marrying someone as a choice they make becausethe womanwants happiness and she feels that the person she is marrying provides that happiness because she loves the things about them that make her happy. But that a woman just marries in order to be a support human for a man, come what may

And over and over we see this same narrative played out, women are the worlds mother, support human, child rearer/wrangler, caregiver, etc. If anyone needs comforting well a woman will step up, never mind their lives, their needs, their wants.

Prawn what a lovely post about your husband. ❤️

Few things piss me off more than people trying to manipulate me into feeling something I don't feel. I'm also a widow who doesn't mind the term transwidow.

I think the author of the piece in the OP will find that stirring up an angry mob against transwidows might feel good momentarily but it won't bring her the relief she's seeking.

Incredible really that Rachel Moss seeks out forums for widows to find support for herself, yet seeks to deny trans widows the opportunity to find peer to peer support for themselves by demanding the removal of their name. Because she doesn't think their experience has a similar value. Not cool.

The term transwidow also has widespread use, across continents. It's not surprising that the connections that women make with each other under that banner are being targeted.

If they all suddenly stopped and called themselves something else, they wouldn't be able to support one another or find each other.

So even though the trans person claims the old them is dead and it is literal violence to refer to their actual sex or use the name they were given at birth, it is the wives of these people using the analogy of trans widow to refer to their relationships that are the offensive ones?

Hmm.....

It's typical abuser tactics too. Making it all about them.

Tale as old as time.

And actually yes, a lot of people are asking (telling) us not to grieve.

This is just so fucking offensive.

Isn't it just.

No on is asking the ex partners of trans people not to grieve, they're asking them to have some empathy, and a lesson in empathy might go a long way for people who are GC.

This is just so fucking offensive.

This is what I describe as the phenomenon of Schroedinger's transitioner Letsgetreadytocrumble, they're simultaneously the same person as they always were, yet a completely different person, depending on the circumstances.

Crosspost Letsgetreadytocrumble. And yeah, I left out wife! And I believe there is at least one mumsnetter who now has a sister, instead of a brother.

*nothing

Calling yourself a trans widow, acting as if your ex is dead and comparing yourself to people whose partners have died (and in some instances saying you have it worse) is just so unnecessarily cruel. No on is asking the ex partners of trans people not to grieve, they're asking them to have some empathy, and a lesson in empathy might go a long way for people who are GC.

Interesting. Focusing on the word transwidow, but thing about males calling themselves girl, woman, mother, lesbian, grandmother, Miss and Ma'am, and violently threatening women if they don't accept it.

Such double standards.

And yes, how come the word 'widow' is not allowed to be 'appropriated' but the words 'woman, wife, mother' are totally up for grabs?

The hypocrisy of it all is just astonishing sometimes!