The use of the term 'trans widow'

And I don't know who Amanda Cox is but I don't trust anyone who uses the term "cis" to refer to humans.

If "look at me in my shiny new breasts and lipstick - let me dictate to you how you should refer to me, please ignore reality from now on" isn't the grossest symbol of people’s men's desire to be the centre of attention then I really don't know what is.

I am pretty damn sure that trans widows have no desire to be the centre of any attention.... but just maybe the idea that their marriage is ending in circumstances that undermine the entire relationship is something that the woman is allowed to (self-)obsess about if she wants?

"If my partner came out as trans, and I chose to end the relationship at that point "

You do realize that by using the word choice you are saying, that these women can easily stay with their husband, which means you are saying either -

(1) heterosexual women can continue having a heterosexual relationship with the male-bodied trans-woman because TWAM. Leaving is a choice. Being transgender is simply a meaningless internal thing with added gender expression lipstick - nothing has changed so why should the woman leave. [TRAs would regard this as transphobic, surely?]

or

(2) heterosexual women can and should become bi or lesbian overnight based on the gender change of their partner. [Everyone I know, GC or TRA regards the idea of conversion of sexual orientation to be homophobic]

or

(3) heterosexual women can't change sexual orientation, but they should continue to sleep with their husband even when doing so breaches their sexual orientation boundaries. [Surely this is homphobic and misogynistic?]

I literally cannot conceive of how TRAs can't see how bigoted and offensive they are when they say things like this.

If a person changes their name and refers to their birth name as their "deadname" then their spouse is quite right to view the marriage as dead (if they like) and to refer to themselves as transwidows.

Why is the term "transwidow" not ok as it disrespects real widows, but somehow the term transwoman is fine?

I’ve been widowed for 30 years - my adored DH died young - and I have no objection at all to transwidows using that term for themselves. The man they married refers to his own male existence as a “deadname” after all.

This was Amanda Knox’s take a few days ago:

mobile.twitter.com/MavenOfMayhem/status/1407033848911777794

"Trans widow" is a horrible term that is used by some resentful cis women whose ex-partners came out as trans during the relationship

“Resentful” .

The same theme runs through the article in the OP. The grieving author thinks trans widows are just resentful women who could make their marriages work if they wanted to, they’re just as responsible for what happens she says, people change, marriage is about long term commitment etc. But it’s clear she holds these women in contempt: the sarcastic dig at finding support on Mumsnet, the notion that the only reason they think the way they do is because of external influences encouraging them to think their is a “malignant trans cabal” at play rather than being grown women who have their own thoughts as examples.

It reads like she is all about and has always been about “acceptance without exception” and her grief has her hyper-focused on the word widow. And it’s quite clear from looking at her Twitter feed that she is very much TWAW, calling people transphobes, dismissive of experiences etc.

mobile.twitter.com/menysnoweballes/with_replies

The article in the OP seems to come more strongly from a place of contempt for “gender crits”, as she calls people, than it does from the place of a widow. In my opinion of course.

I despise the term cis woman. A term applied to me without regard to my feelings.

Trans widow is an accepted term and everyone knows exactly what it means. I don't understand your point trying to differentiate it from dead naming, except that the widow is the victim rather than the trans person.

You cannot go through life believing that your actions do not have an impact on others, no matter the depth of your own struggle. Pain and suffering is not a competition. Nobody wins.

I would recommend that people affected by the term seek counselling and/or accept it as I have been forced to do.

Oh dear, so many people being offended on behalf of someone else .

And so many people stating that it is ok for someone born male require others to call them themselves women, mums, etc and report them for hate crimes if they don’t whereas women are not allowed to chose what to call themselves.

I am just wondering here… jedi makes a going point, trans + widow makes a new word. Nobody has suggested that trans widows are actual widows. Do all you who complain about this believe that trans widows at some point will claim to be actual widows and try to attend support groups? As I assume that most of you believe that transwomen are women and entitled to single sex spaces…?

Thank you RO you can always be relied upon to come up with the argument I'm into stars today

But it's not just a break up, it's not an affair, it's a complete change of the person - a woman married a man, and no longer has a husband, but potentially a 'wife'.

The husband has gone, is no more, not to death, but to 'trans'

And it's quite clear where your sympathy lies OP.

People are allowed to call themselves what they want, or, ' identify' as they wish are they not? Or is that another privilege that doesn't apply to women?

Yeah, it is about both parties, but if I ended my relationship - a mutual agreement by both parties - I wouldn’t go around saying I was a widow, would I. That’s be weird. I’d say that we chose to go out separate ways.

No, relationships don't always end mutually. Divorces aren't always (or even often) agreed mutually, they go to court and there is a petitioner and a respondent. This is about a situation where women have been married, often for decades, and the end of the relationship comes out of the blue. Not only that, but they are told that the person that they were in a relationship doesn't exist any more and essentially never existed. Meaning the whole relationship was a deception and a false relationship. They have to agree to this, or face being accused of transphobia and hate. This continues during the lengthy process of separation and divorce, and then continues through contact with children if there are any.

aibubaby

TinselAngel started and has managed a support thread in FWRchat for women affected by their husband/male partner's transition over recent years. It has, I understand, been a lifeline for many isolated women.

This has been one of the only places where women could support each other and share their experiences. From such humble beginnings this support group has grown to host a website, provide evidence to Women and Equalities Committee and most recently feature in the Telegraph. All the time conscious-raising.

That recent article in The Telegraph (below) prompted a surge in abuse via Twitter towards TinselAngel as well as the article you decided to bring here to back up your opinion about how a group of women may chose to identify their shared experiences of intimate partner abuse. You may be unaware of the widespread attempts to remove the spousal exit clause from the Gender Recognition Act legislation and the significant risk this exposes some women to.

''Trans widows' fear being trapped in loveless marriages if gender law changes
Activists want ministers to scrap an agreement that allows women to exit a heterosexual marriage before it legally becomes homosexual'
(extract)
"Activists are asking ministers to ditch the requirement for a spouse's agreement, a clause that some women say is a lifeline for them if their husband transitions to female.

It allows them to exit a heterosexual marriage before it legally becomes homosexual, or get an annulment for those who cannot divorce for cultural reasons.

The Telegraph has spoken to women who left their male partners when they came out as trans women, sometimes overnight, describing in powerful testimonies how their other half became unrecognisable." (continues)

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2021/06/20/trans-widows-fear-trapped-loveless-marriages-gender-law-changes/

it’s not a ‘death’…I’m not a widow. The person is still there. The person you love is still there

But they aren't, that's the point. You don't get it.

I'd recommend reading the Trans Widows threads to see how horrendously some of them have been treated. Funnily enough, their lived experiences are not front and centre in this brave new world.

Another actual widow with no issues about the use of trans widow to describe the ghastly situation these women are placed in, over which they have no control.

Oh, and someone needs to tell Moss that grief is not a competition.

The term trans widow is just a gross symbol of people’s desire to be the centre of attention.

It's an accurate description of the overwhelming sense of loss that both widows and trans widows go through. Your comment and lack of understanding is gross.

[quote AssassinatedBeauty]@SweetPetrichor don't you think that a marriage and a relationship breakup is about both parties?? So it is all about them, as much as it's about the other party.[/quote]
Yeah, it is about both parties, but if I ended my relationship - a mutual agreement by both parties - I wouldn’t go around saying I was a widow, would I. That’s be weird. I’d say that we chose to go out separate ways.

@SweetPetrichor don't you think that a marriage and a relationship breakup is about both parties?? So it is all about them, as much as it's about the other party.

I am a widow and I join with the other widows who support trans widows using that term. I became a widow in very tragic circumstances and with two young children. I do not want any sympathy but if I have the generosity of spirit to not care about how others use the term then I think we should accept that some will not like widow being used for anything other than after a death but also that some of us care very much about others suffering pain and loss at the end of a relationship however that occurs ❤ to all trans widows

I think, as with most people, if it's not happening to you, you need to back off of having strong opinions that don't effect you.
Mainly you've just reminded me of the great cost of tinsel and others' bravery. I think she's absolutely wonderful for helping others in the situation and speaking out when she could just go for a quiet life.
Tinsel and the transwidows.
And I hope they move your support thread away from debate, as it definitely sends the wrong message.