The use of the term 'trans widow'

Just a thought op, maybe look into the stories posted upthread before commenting again.
Since you are 'innocent' and 'new to the debate' and here in good faith you won't mind actually acquainting yourself with the facts.

I'm genuinely sorry for what you've been through

You don't need to feel sorry for me, it's water under the bridge, you need to feel sorry for all the other trans widows here, many of whom are still in abusive relationships, many of whom will have been lurking and thanking the universe that there is just one place on the internet where they are respected.

Feel sorry for all those women who you have made feel less safe here.

ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings

I don't give a shiny shit how trans Windows prefer to refer to themselves, or who it offends. They've been through enough. Unlike a spouse just becoming incompatible with them they aren't even supposed to acknowledge that the person they knew as their husband ever existed. They're supposed to pretend that they've always bewen called by a feminine name, and have all official documents altered to pretend that's the case. They're supposed to pretend that their husband is their wife, that they have always been married to a woman, that it makes no difference to their own lives, that they're actually happy about it. They get wheeled out in propaganda videos to exclaim through forced smiles how wonderful it is that their family now had two mummies. Their role is very clear - they are to support the fantasy at any cost to themselves. I think we all remember that BBC short film "when dad became Charlotte" or whatever it was called, where Charlotte was pictured whizzing around of Rollerskates demonstrating, of course, just how much of a woman she really was, with the kids running to keep up with her, and the "other" mum trudging along behind carrying all the bags and coats. I feel offended for her. This isn't just a case of "he changed, we grew apart", it's an extra cage placed around women who are usually already in very unhappy or even abusive marriages. And if they fail at any part of this, if they even hint that they are anything other than delighted and supportive, then they face ostracisation from their social group or even actual abuse on and offline.

I don't give a shit if they call themselves transwidows. I don't give a shit if anyone is offended by it. How about being offended on their behalf by what their husbands are doing to them? Or, if you really can't muster up even a shred of empathy for these women, how about just fucking off entirely and leaving them alone? Sick to death of the endless bloody policing of how women express and describe themselves.

100% this! Utterly sick of it.

for all widows and for all trans widows. One of my parents died aged early thirties so I have some understanding of how that impacts a family. It is a horrible loss.

I do think that a transitioning husband also can be a horrible situation to go through. I cannot even imagine how to explain that one to children whilst keeping going.

And for all those who think that trans widows have a choice, HOW? I find it offensive.

I have tried to imagine that situation after reading some comments here. Let us pretend that all the horrid stories I have read about on trans widows doesn’t happen. Let us pretend that my DH, fully amicably, one day realised that he was the opposite sex and wanted to transition. All the time being kind, supportive and contributing financially to the family….this does not seem to be the case that often.

Now, I cannot imagine a bigger turn off than a man with breasts that he also is very happy about. And don’t get me started on a man who decided to invert his penis and create a neo vagina. I also would not fancy a man in women’s clothes, happy for everyone to wear what they want, but that is a turn off as well for me. I like men. Why do some people think that women may be able accept all this and continue to share a bed? And stay married? Seriously? It is like an alternative universe.

'Dead' refers to the name. 'Widow' implies the person is dead. Quite a difference, in my opinion.

And this is just utter sophistry. I think I recognise your turn of phrase from Twitter OP.

@TinselAngel and others, flowers They cannot silence us all. You’ve got many strong, fearless and determined women here who’ve got your backs.

💯

@TinselAngel and others, They cannot silence us all. You’ve got many strong, fearless and determined women here who’ve got your backs.

Yes.

Keeping us fighting for our terms of reference avoids ever having to address the substance of what we're saying.

This is a concerted attempt to bully us off the internet.

It certainly seems like it. Utterly sickening. I can't really believe that a widow would take the time out to write that blog and complain about trans widows using the term. Utterly bizarre. The use of the word affects no one. Apart from those determined as always, to be offended.

Detractors are boring fuckers anyway.

Soooooooo. Many. Boring. Women. Hating. Words (I skip posts quite often)

Your posts are informative, and eloquent Tinsel and co.

We are told that the reason there are thousands of girls presenting to gender clinics worldwide is because our society is now more accepting. We are told they are not lesbian girls, and it’s silly to think so. Logically then, there should be thousands of females in their 30s, 40s, and 50s who are straight, married, but have always been trans and should be coming out as such just like the males. There should be heaps of “trans widowers” talking about their experiences. But there isn’t. I wonder why?

This means being a trans widow is a uniquely female experience. It seems to me it’s another thing on the list of uniquely female things that certain people can’t stand existing. The attack on the use of the word widow is just window dressing. Really it’s about people not liking the existence of a group of women who didn’t buy into the affirmation of their male partners, marked themselves as “gender crits” and speak up about it openly, clearly outlining the negativity they’ve suffered. They could change their name to “Former Partners of Amazing Trans Women Who Decided to Live Their Authentic Lives But I Decided It Wasn’t For Me” and they would still get abuse for failing to be supportive enough of the males, it just wouldn’t be for the word widow.

When people said to me a few years ago, “educate yourself!”, as well as puberty blockers, sport, prisons etc, what these women go through/have been through has been one of the most eye-opening educations of them all .

Tinsel

To Tinsel from one widow to another.

This is a concerted attempt to bully us off the internet.

I find it really off-putting the way certain people refer to a trans person's 'dead name' when the person in question is very much alive. So why shouldn't women use the term 'trans widows'?

Oh joy. The woke scolds can't be satisfied with hounding me everywhere else on the internet and have come here, to what has been for the last 4 years the only true safe haven online for trans widows.

How do you think this makes the women on the long running support thread here feel @aibubaby when you pontificate about our right to name our own experience?

I can totally understand how it would feel like a death tbh. And, if I were a genuine widow, I would have a problem with it.