The use of the term 'trans widow'

The only person who has been berated (and mostly very patiently - no threats as usual) has been OP who admits she is not widowed and has no skin in the game either way.

There are plenty of things in the world I dislike due to personal reasons but know it would be manifestly unfair to police others on. Especially when the word/thing is linked to trauma.

I don't give a shit if they call themselves transwidows. I don't give a shit if anyone is offended by it. How about being offended on their behalf by what their husbands are doing to them? Or, if you really can't muster up even a shred of empathy for these women, how about just fucking off entirely and leaving them alone? Sick to death of the endless bloody policing of how women express and describe themselves.

^^This.

opalberry I'm sorry for your loss. I don't think you can be wrong for feeling however you feel and there's no berating here.

I am pleased there's this space which does mean that we don't don't forget about the partners and children in our rush to be kind.

Yes, there is a lot of pressure to #BeKind but it is really worth resisting the urgency of this so that you can think things through.

I often read articles in the press of transitioners, and how their life was happily ever after. However, when I started to really think about the practicalities of how it would work if it happened to me in my life, the whole thing stopped adding up.

They shouldn't.

But I had a question, and I posted it in the area of the site that questions like this are apparently allowed, and now I'm being told I'm a dickhead for doing so.

There is no question in the OP only statements of criticism and judgement,

I've found this term in poor taste ever since I saw it, and this article I've seen on Twitter is a great look at why.
But it isn't a death and it's thoughtless to describe it as though it is.

Why should women who are exiting abusive relationships and who post on FWR board of the Mumsnet site be seen as fair game for such attack?

God knows why they chose this of all topics to be a debate rather than a chat, I don't know.

I have asked them to move it back to Feminism Chat and they have refused.

That very much wasn't my intention and I hope nobody reading this feels that way. It was a question about the turn of phrase, not about whether or not I had sympathy for women in that situation - of course I do.

aibubaby you wrote with condescension in the OP,

Marriages end all the time because one spouse isn't who the other thought they were. It's sad or heartbreaking or difficult, and people have (obviously) got the right to grieve for a relationship which is no longer the same. But it isn't a death and it's thoughtless to describe it as though it is.

I suspect when/if you spend some time reading about the experiences of transwidows you will realise how inappropriate your judgement was.

Meanwhile, we are here to support trans widows.

I'm a widow and I don't like the use of it for all sorts of things but no doubt I'm wrong to feel that and will be berated for feeling like that.

They can come on this thread and explain. They will have this thread on their * list.

So will many other watchers.

I do blame @MNHQ for putting the Transwidows support thread in the fucking debate section so that the women in these abusive situations are being dumped right in the middle of a shit storm of opinions, rather than the feminist support that they managed to receive before the 'reorganization'.

God knows why they chose this of all topics to be a debate rather than a chat, I don't know.

4

Yes. Just the last last three posts really.

But I had a question, and I posted it in the area of the site that questions like this are apparently allowed, and now I'm being told I'm a dickhead for doing so

Look again, there is no question in your OP.

Well I have to hand it to you op, if I'd realised I had just blundered into one of the very few forums that supports trans widows and spouted off on a topic about which I knew jack shit, I would be absolutely mortified, apologising unreservedly to Tinsel and the other trans widows on this thread, pleading with MNHQ to take the thread down and then running away to hide under the duvet.

And yet here you are still. Extraordinary.

I actually don't blame OP for posting in ignorance. Many do. I hope she does go and read about what transwidows have been through and continue to be targeted for, including on this thread. Because any right thinking person must surely pause when they realize they're attacking abuse victims, unless they're a pretty shitty person themselves.

I do blame @MNHQ for putting the Transwidows support thread in the fucking debate section so that the women in these abusive situations are being dumped right in the middle of a shit storm of opinions, rather than the feminist support that they managed to receive before the 'reorganization'.

#BeKind
#ShutUpYouBadWomen
#WhateverDudes

But I had a question, and I posted it in the area of the site that questions like this are apparently allowed, and now I'm being told I'm a dickhead for doing so.

Your opening post was not phrased as a question, you asserted that you thought the word a group of women call themselves was in bad taste, when you now admit that you knew nothing of their situation.

Fine, we all make arses of ourselves, but to start blaming other women for having made an ill thought out post is ridiculous.

keep digging

Just as well nobody is asking the OP to decide what other people can think of their own situations then.

Could a man say his wife leaving to be a lesbian be a lesbian widower?