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Original poster

Is it ok to deceive a sexual partner about your biological sex?

290 replies

Clymene · 24/06/2021 21:13

This is not a TAAT but that is about a horrible violent attack and this question is quite separate.

In any sexual encounter, do you have the right to expect the other person to disclose their biological sex if they visually appear to be of the other sex?

Essentially, does a lesbian have the right to be upset if the person they were female before they got naked has a penis?

Does a gay man have the right to know that someone who appears to be male has a vagina before he has sex?

Does the nature of the encounter matter? If it's a casual encounter, is the onus on the person who appears to be the other sex to come clean in advance, or is it the responsibility of the other person to check before proceeding?

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 24/06/2021 21:38

Not unless they told you they were pamsexual and said "surprise me"

CiaoForNiao · 24/06/2021 21:36

No it's not. It's sex by deception and like a PP said, full consent cannot be given.

ErrolTheDragon · 24/06/2021 21:34

Of course it's not ok.
It would be completely disrespecting the other persons protected characteristic of sexual orientation. They might be fine with your actual sex, or they might not be. But absolutely they need to know and make that decision.

ClosdesMouches · 24/06/2021 21:33

No, never ok

spotcheck · 24/06/2021 21:33

OP
Why are you asking?

Hawkins001 · 24/06/2021 21:32

Following.

Ladylokidoki · 24/06/2021 21:32

No it's not ok.

And I don't buy the argument that trans people don't like to tell people incase they get violent when they find out.

But the people who will get violent will be worse if its after something sexual has happened. How does waiting until later reduces the risk of violence?

QuentinBunbury · 24/06/2021 21:31

No. And a female has been imprisoned for sexual assault for having sex with a woman who believed her to be a man.
It's not OK but equally it's unacceptable to attack someone who deceived you

TedImgoingmad · 24/06/2021 21:31

No it's not. Anyone who thinks this is ok is a rape apologist.

idontlikealdi · 24/06/2021 21:31

Of course it's not ok

VettiyaIruken · 24/06/2021 21:30

Absolutely not ok.

If I was expecting a penis and came face to face with a vulva instead I would be bloody furious. If I was a lesbian suddenly faced with a penis not only would I be furious but I'd also be scared I was about to get raped!

You have the right to expect to be able to give informed consent. The right to choose your genital preference should be non negotiable.

CharlieParley · 24/06/2021 21:30

Never ok. Consent can only be freely given if fully informed.

Consent needs three conditions to be met:

-free choice of partner
-free choice of time of encounter
-free choice of activities engaged in

I would say that not being fully informed about the sex of your partner means you cannot make a free choice of partner and that means you cannot give fully informed consent.

BlackeyedSusan · 24/06/2021 21:29

it would be sex by deception. there was a cse where a women (not trans afaik) was prosecuted for pretending to be a man and using a strap on.

Thelnebriati · 24/06/2021 21:28

No it isn't ok. It forms part of the fundamental contract of consent (as does STD status and contraception imo.)

lazylinguist · 24/06/2021 21:27

It's definitely not ok to deceive someone in that way imo! Given that it's now been confirmed as a protected right to believe that TWANW, a lesbian surely has the undeniable right to object to being deceived into sex with someone she considers a man.