How to get through to 8 year old

31 replies

CallMeNutribullet · 21/06/2021 09:09

Last night my 8 year old DD broke down and told me she wanted to be a boy.

She's always been fairly gender conforming but recently has said she's not a big fan of school skirts and dresses because she finds trousers more comfortable. She also asked for a couple of items of clothing from the "boys" section (which of course is fine). I've always told her there's no such thing as boys clothes/toys but probably not done enough to fight the onslaught of pink.

She's recently started puberty and I think isn't too keen on her changing body. She also has very fixed ideas about gender I'm struggling to tackle. She said she wants to be a boy because they get to do more "fun" stuff like learning to box and football. She doesn't like getting the tangles brushed from her long hair and enjoys gaming.

I've enrolled her in a boxing class and she'd like her hair bobbed so booked an appointment for that. I've told her she will always be a girl but there's nothing she can't do and if people in school tell her otherwise she should tell them there's no such thing as boys/girls stuff.

Does anyone recommend anything else? I'm really worried she'll get caught up in gender ideology as a way to "fix" the unfairness of these bullshit sexist stereotypes. Are there any good books about GNC girls aimed at her age?

OP posts:

JonahofArk · 21/06/2021 09:41

I would focus upon showing her that girls and women can do exactly what boys and men can do, the boxing is a good shout but could you get involved as well? Can you do any activities with her that she might think were 'male' activities? E.g. camping, sports, join in with her gaming etc.

Maybe take her to events that feature female athletes, if she's into team sports then book tickets for women's matches to go to together. Watch inspirational films about women who worked in high-flying careers (think astronauts, scientists etc.) A lot of museums tend to have events/displays that focus specifically upon women's contributions these days-take her to those.

Basically, I would focus upon showing her all the amazing achievements of women so that she can see that women can do anything that men can do. Be very natural and relaxed about doing all this though, just treat it as normal days out and activities and don't focus too much upon the message you are trying to send to her. Women's achievements need to be normalised for her, so she doesn't see them as being out of the extraordinary.

ThomasPenman · 21/06/2021 09:38

I've had some good support from school around issues connected with my daughter's dad leaving. My daughter gets a one to one session with the mental health lead every week. They work on self esteem and it's a safe place she can vent. I wasn't sure what they could offer when I approached them but I've been impressed.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 21/06/2021 09:34

With football, does she realise I the Woman's World Cup in the UK next year?
There are usually Girls teams around too.

ThomasPenman · 21/06/2021 09:31

Similar here.
As well as the stuff you're already doing I reinforce messages about the good things about being female. e.g. we looked up the strongest muscle in the human body (it's the jaw) but on the list of top 5 is the uterus.
Mine do gymnastics so they have a good connection with their bodies and I repeat messages about how amazing our bodies are and how we look after them like eating well, reducing sugar, avoiding caffeine, not taking medicine we don't need, wearing well fitting shoes.
Also remind daughter that had she been a boy she would probably be just as unhappy with the expectations of her sex.
Limit online access and be very aware of what they are consuming online. Lots of messages about the unreality of others' lives online. Messages about not believing what someone presents online - it's only a snapshot and doesn't present the reality.
Point out everyday sexism.
So far daughter is showing signs of possible feminism so all good.
I think it probably helps that I also have short hair/undercut, don't wear makeup, always in trousers, always flat shoes, often don't shave. Lead by example.

Original poster

CallMeNutribullet · 21/06/2021 09:23

Thank you - yeah those would work just as well. There's some difficulties with her dad right now, he was abusive towards me and there's an active court case due to his harassment of me. Of course he's dripping rubbish in her ear about how i'm trying to get him put in jail and how worried his mum is about it that she's not eating.

She's asked me if he wished she was a boy when I was pregnant and i've said no of course not and that we were both just happy she was healthy. I' wondering if she wishes she was more like him because she wants to keep him happy.

OP posts:

ErrolTheDragon · 21/06/2021 09:16

It sounds like you're on the right track.

I don't know about books specifically 'for' GNC girls, but the Arthur Ransome books (starting with Swallows and Amazons) have girls who do all the same adventures as the boys.

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