Do I, or how do I raise this with school?

I only mentioned this as I couldn’t find another post where anyone felt any empathy towards the girl who is going through something which requires strength and understanding

I have huge amounts of empathy and sympathy for the poor child who is going through this. His parents, the school and the TRA ‘affirmation only’ environment is setting him up for a total shitshow of an adolescence.

The kids needs therapy about accepting who you are and love not a “ok James you’re Jenny - all your problems are now solved” approach.

[quote Onehotmess]@Iamanaubergine Thankfully no actual licensed therapist would ever repeatedly and purposefully misgender a child. The child knows she has a penis. I honestly thought the majority would be sympathetic to both OP and the other child. (It’s not about taking sides or putting your beliefs into someone else.)[/quote]
I don’t mean that a therapist should deliberately misgender a client but help them come to terms with their birth sex & how transitioning may not solve all their issues which is surely helpful even if they subsequently choose to transition.
I think people are sympathetic to both parties but when a decision like this is made to put what is a male bodied child in with a group of developing female bodied children without consideration of the female children or consultation with those with parental responsibility people’s sympathy is quickly eroded. I appreciate that the transitioning child wants to be affirmed in their chosen gender but shouldn’t automatically expect to be placed with those children with whom they ‘identify’. The child cannot unilaterally expect to be suddenly treated as the opposite sex and this should be explained/discussed in any therapy.

What we need to do is not redefine ‘girl’ to include males, but rather redefine ‘boy’ to include the full spectrum of males’ appearances and behaviours.

Yes, this would be difficult, but actually changing biological sex is impossible.

The legal term is transsexual, non?

I only mentioned this as I couldn’t find another post where anyone felt any empathy towards the girl who is going through something which requires strength and understanding.

The OP only posted as an entire school is apparently required to show empathy towards a child at the expense of preserving their own dignity. Are you really asking people responding to centre this single child as well rather than the OP's child (that she actually asked about) and all the other girls in the school?

@Iamanaubergine Thankfully no actual licensed therapist would ever repeatedly and purposefully misgender a child. The child knows she has a penis. I honestly thought the majority would be sympathetic to both OP and the other child. (It’s not about taking sides or putting your beliefs into someone else.)

Not if they have gender reassignment

She is a girl though, the more people tell her she’s a boy, the worse this will get.

You see I absolutely don’t agree with this. Surely any counselling/therapy should be helping the child/adult come to peace with the fact that they are, in this instance, a boy. That they may feel like/believe themselves to be a girl but their life experiences regardless of transition and how much they ‘pass’ as the opposite sex will be very different to that of a girl. Telling someone they are something they’re not surely just exacerbates mental health issues.

Good luck OP. Keep bringing the subject back to women's rights, girls rights! The school should not be working from some hierarchical list of 'rights' in which those of the supposed transgender trump those of natal females.

Don't let them get away with the word 'trans'. Use 'transsexual', as obviously no child has a sexual identity. It is absurd.

Get other parents (fathers preferably) complaining too. But not as a gang, separately.

Lend the head your copy of 'irreversible damage'. Talk about Social Contagion.

Good luck

Yes I was actually saying look at it from both sides. I only mentioned this as I couldn’t find another post where anyone felt any empathy towards the girl who is going through something which requires strength and understanding. She is a girl though, the more people tell her she’s a boy, the worse this will get.

It might also be useful to remember that the child in question is a 10 year old girl too. Whatever your own opinions are on that matter. I’m not saying you aren’t entitled to concerns, but please remember we are not talking about an adult male ‘pretending’ to be a woman to enable his access to women’s safe spaces. (To attack them?!) this is a confused child who has no doubt been through extensive therapy to get to this point. Whatever your issues, just think about this child as a human child who is also vulnerable.

This might also be useful
sex-matters.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Boys-and-Girls-and-the-Equality-Act-May-2021-Scotland.pdf

Someone further up the thread said "It wouldn't bother me so much that a 10 year old boy was getting changed with the girls, they're young children after all"

Yes, but also, once the precedent is set and the 10-yr-old is recognised as a "girl" and allowed to use the girls' facilities, it would be very difficult or impossible to go back on this once he is older. You can't say "yes, we understand you're a girl, so off you go to the girls' showers" at 10, and then when he gets to 13 and has a deep voice/moustache/regular erections, suddenly come up with some excuse to move him out again (without of course ever being able to say that he is not "really" a girl in exactly the same way as the rest!).

So any policies made need to cater not only for the little sweet ones, but for the big hairy adolescents too. Similarly, they can't just cater for little Joe/sephine who was always very sweet and long-haired and liked dressing up as a fairy and painting - they also need to work if the massive, muscly school bully suddenly starts wanting to be called Olivia and changing with the girls. Whatever policies are made need to be able to cover every possible scenario, while remaining fair and safe both for the child involved and all the other children affected.

Someone further up the thread said "It wouldn't bother me so much that a 10 year old boy was getting changed with the girls, they're young children after all"

I've been mulling that statement over and it just doesn't make sense to me. If they're all young children and it doesn't matter, why doesn't the male bodied child just carry on using the boys changing room? Instead of insisting on being in the girls changing room?

The school should be providing a safe space for this young boy to get changed that doesn't have an impact on anyone else. That's what I'd be requesting from the school OP.

9-10 year old girls need us to be their voice. I'm sure your DD isn't the only one not comfortable with what's being forced on her. There are probably others who are doing the usual "be kind" nonsense regardless of how they feel about it.

Good luck and remember to stress that this meeting is about the policy the school has for treating transgender students and presumably also staff. It is not just about one little boy sharing a toilet but any male person identifying as a member of the opposite sex. Also not just toilets, will boys be able to share girls' sleeping accommodation ? Will male teachers, if they identify as women be allowed ,to supervise girls' changing rooms?

What do the other parents think?

@Hallyup6 I left primary school in the 70s and the girls and boys didn't get changed together from Y6.

My DD had separate changing rooms at primary school from Y5.

It isn't fair to expect girls to get changed in mixed changing rooms when they're wearing bras and dealing with periods; which we were in the 70s and even more girls are doing so now.

Children definitely don't do PE in their pants any more in this area either. DD left primary school last year and I would not have been happy if this had been expected. She and many of her peers were dealing with periods and it would have been awful for them to be put in that position.

That’s awful OP. There’s no way my daughter would have wanted to share a toilet or get changed with a boy at that age. Many kids are a year or so into puberty at that age, some girls will be having periods. The school need to protect these kids based on their sex.
As long as that 1 child feels better though, fuck the rest of them seems to be the attitude. It’s dreadful. I feel sorry for the boy in this situation too, the parents and the school are letting him down. Poor lad.

Sorry previously posting on phone so terse posts and sometimes I do not explain well.

yes you are right that no girl chould change with a male child. However, sometimes you can only win for your child. Schools are a bit funny like that.

By asking for your child to change separately, without being disadvantaged, they have to do some thinking of where, when and how that will work and make provision.

when your dd is changing separately, you can mantion that fact to your mum friends, who have girl children. they can choose to ask for their daughter to change separately as well... which is more awkward for the school. The more parents that do this the more awkward it is for school and the more likely they are to put in provision that benefits all the girl children. easy to make your dd change in the disabled loo, but how are they going to get two girls changin in the disabled loo, or four or 8...

sometimes it is a war of attrition.

if you have a girl further down the school you can ask that they do not share the loo with the male child as well, depending on the set up of the school.

mostly schools will only deal with you regarding provision for your child.