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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Do you walk alone?

86 replies

Cwenthryth · 09/06/2021 15:13

Not necessarily strictly a feminist discussion I guess more a personal one, but your brains are the ones I’d like to talk about this with Smile

I was walking my dogs this morning very early, before 6am, in the forest - it was beautiful, felt like had the world to ourselves, with just a few bunnies and cows to share the glorious sun burning off the morning dew. Didn’t meet another soul the whole time and my car was the only car in the car park when I arrived, there was one other when I left.

I was thinking however as I was walking that perhaps I am quite vulnerable doing this, although I don’t feel any fear - when younger I backpacked around the world solo etc, it’s just never occurred to me to worry. But this is what happened to Julia James isn’t it. Just walking her dog.

Do you walk alone? Do you take any emergency supplies with you like rape alarms etc?

OP posts:
Theeyeballsinthesky · 09/06/2021 17:04

Yes but I live in a small village so always feel very safe even where there are no streetlights

When I lived in a London suburb I was much more wary of walking alone at night

ScreamingMeMe · 09/06/2021 16:55

I do. I live rurally, in a small town with an extremely low violent crime rate. I think I might be more cautious in a larger town or cit. I do have a torch that is also a bottle opener that I carry on me, just in case.

GreenBlood · 09/06/2021 16:53

Yes, but with my dog who would attack anyone she thought was threatening me. She went for a man before who approached me and I pulled her back just in time with the leash.

FindingMeno · 09/06/2021 16:52

I have been attacked by a stranger. I found all my ideas of how I'd react and defend myself were just ideas.
I was determined he wouldn't "win" and it wouldn't change the way I go about my life. But I have ptsd from it, and its a losing battle.
I'm kind to myself nowadays and accept that being scared is OK, and it doesn't make me weak.

MeadowHay · 09/06/2021 16:37

Not frequently (just through life circumstances) and I wouldn't walk alone anywhere rural/poorly lit/parks even at 'unsocial' hours through fear. I have an attack alarm on my house keys but in reality that's usually buried down in my bag somewhere so not much use.

Merchymor · 09/06/2021 16:36

@Wearywithteens

Im envious of all you carefree women. I’m a dumpy ‘invisible’ middle aged woman but I’m always alert and nervous. I have a family of lovely men but I don’t trust unknown males anywhere - even in a busy town - you just never know what is going through their mind and what they’re capable of. I’m aware that the risk is low but the consequences, if something happens, can be significant and devastating.
It's natural to feel nervous.

I think the thing that's coming through here is that some women are nervous but do it anyway.

I wouldn't say I'm carefree in certain situations, I've just trained myself to weigh up the risks and benefits.

Only you can decide what you're comfortable with though.

FindingMeno · 09/06/2021 16:32

Only in daylight, and only if I have to after dark, if its not a built up area.

Lilyofthevalleys · 09/06/2021 16:30

Depends on the setting, somewhere where I can get to a house or be heard screaming yes. I live rurally and wish I had the confidence to run or walk alone but I am so scared when I do that I don’t enjoy it. This is not born out of any major trauma, just a lifetime of unwanted attention.

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 09/06/2021 16:28

I do but not remotely. Tend to carry the dog’s poo bag around for way longer than necessary if it’s an isolated spot because somehow in my head (probably misguidedly) I could put off an assailant by squishing it in their face. I live in a town so have no issue walking along well lit streets to get home (more likely to get shouted at by a passing car than someone on foot). I’ve recently found some more picturesque spots to walk in that area quieter but I am very alert to who is around me when I do.

NotSure94 · 09/06/2021 16:28

I didn't used to give it a thought but Covid's made me lose my nerve. I have been homeworking, generally going nowhere other than supermarket and park and have to go to another city next week as client site visits have started again now. I'll be honest I'm crapping myself. I used to travel all over the UK, all times of the day and night but the thought of being on a train late at night or getting in a taxicab is scary. I have to do it and hope it's like driving was for me last year where after a few journeys I got my confidence back.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 09/06/2021 16:23

Yes, I do. Always have, although a couple of times I have thought to myself afterwards "that was stupid" as I was wandering about through nearly empty city streets, on my way home from a night drinking (many years ago now).

I am a big stompy type. I try to be aware of this when other lone women are about, as if I clomp up behind them in the dark they might think I'm a man.

waterlego · 09/06/2021 16:22

Yes. I walk the dog alone in the daytime, often on the beach which tends to be busy but sometimes I go to woodland which is quite remote. It never used to bother me but it does a little more now, after what happened to Julia James. I understand the risk of being attacked somewhere like that in the daytime is incredibly small, but it’s more the thought that if it did happen, I’d be pretty vulnerable. I’m 5ft 3 and quite small. I am strong for my size but would not be a match for the average man. My dog is not the sort that would go for someone (although maybe he would surprise me if it came to it).

I also walk alone at night, eg home from a friend’s or from the pub (I live in a town). I don’t like it very much but I’m very bloody-minded so unlikely to stop doing it.

I do have a voice that can go exceptionally loud when needed so my best strategy would be to bellow my lungs out and sprint.

theleafandnotthetree · 09/06/2021 16:21

@Wearywithteens

Im envious of all you carefree women. I’m a dumpy ‘invisible’ middle aged woman but I’m always alert and nervous. I have a family of lovely men but I don’t trust unknown males anywhere - even in a busy town - you just never know what is going through their mind and what they’re capable of. I’m aware that the risk is low but the consequences, if something happens, can be significant and devastating.
I do understand where you are coming from - though I think it is sad that you feel that way - but for me, the consequences of NOT walking freely and by myself in nature, in the beautiful area in which I live would be very significant too. Nature is my balm and my friend and the consequences for my mental health would be serious if I didnt get out and about. Besides, I have no male companion and even though I walk maybe once a week with a friend, that would be nowhere near enough for me.
lakesummer · 09/06/2021 16:19

I considered how likely my dog was to keep me safe and decided he would be pretty off putting.
But I shouldn't need a reactive dog to be safe.

jellybeansforbreakfast · 09/06/2021 16:19

Yes. I may even have been in that other car Smile

I walk the dog in all sorts of places and refuse to be scared off. I have only very occasionally been worried by the behaviour of another walker, and a male naturist doig his thing.

lakesummer · 09/06/2021 16:17

Yes.
But I was looking at a new river walk and considering taking the dog on it.
I did think will it be safe at 7:30 am by myself.
It makes me angry I have to think about this.

ErrolTheDragon · 09/06/2021 16:17

I do sometimes, mostly the local (rural) canal. The dog is too old for it now. DH worries more than I do, so me wanting to walk usually motivates him to come too.

OldTinHat · 09/06/2021 16:17

Always.

MoltenLasagne · 09/06/2021 16:16

I have always walked and ran alone, in the city and country in the UK and abroad. I have had a couple of unnerving experiences - one with a guy who I think just enjoyed scaring women, and one abroad where I think I could have been in genuine danger. In both cases I altered where and when I went out but didn't stop as I felt almost angry at the thought that men would limit my behaviour.

However now I've got a baby I feel much more vulnerable and I find myself self limiting a lot more. Not just because I question my ability to protect my child, but also because the consequences of something happening to me now seem so much greater if they also impact my son.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 09/06/2021 16:15

Yes. I run at night too. I was raped in my own bed by someone I'd been taught I could trust (used his job to get me to open the door, having been around in a professional capacity earlier that day) so I actually feel safer in open spaces than I do inside by myself. No headphones/music though.

blissfulllife · 09/06/2021 16:15

I do but local and I stick to areas where there's other people about. I used to love to walk around our local nature reserve alone but there was a sexual assault during the day there recently and now I'm not confident enough.

Wearywithteens · 09/06/2021 16:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 09/06/2021 16:10

I walk the dog alone through the woods and fields - mostly early morning. Like most if us, I refuse to be intimidated. But, I do sometimes get anxious if I'm in the depths of the forest. I prefer to be out on the plains and fields where I can see who and what's coming (and can keep a watching eye on daft dog to make sure he doesn't go rushing off).

Given all the recent depressing revelations about the behaviour of too many of our male police officers, I reckon I'm as safe there as I am on the streets at times.

elastamum · 09/06/2021 16:08

Yes. I walk the dog on my own in the forest behind my house. He is a pretty big dog mind, so doubt anyone would want to take him on. Been doing this for years and will keep doing so until I am too frail to walk it. I love the quiet.

AngelicInnocent · 09/06/2021 16:08

I do but only in certain areas.