DS teacher told him boys can be girls

I'm old enough to have been the guinea-pig class when it came to the national curriculum.

I may not remember my school days with perfect clarity, but I didn't learn about 'trans' at school. Section 28 must have been at play when I was at school and yet my best friend, who was gay, was mostly supported by the school. So things have obviously improved since then.

We learned about sex, but it wasn't 'oh it's fun' as some posters who shudder teach sre/give advice to young people on sexual health seem to push. It was STDs are a consequence of sex- here's how to protect yourself. Pregnancy is a consequence- here's how to stop unwanted pregnancy.
I would have hoped as it's broadened to be more inclusive (without section 28 for example) it would still keep that safeguarding message. Here's how to protect yourself if you take part in XYZ sex act. Here's how to protect yourself from revenge porn.

It's not a general theme in primary but it seems to me that some people think sre is there to have a nice little cosy Anne Summers like chat about kinks etc. It shouldn't be like that. I didn't find out about fetishes or anything like that in sex education and I don't think that's what it is there for.

I think actually, where trans is relevant is not in the SRE part, but in the PSHE part of the curriculm. Along with tolerance for other religions, races and sexual orientations. You don't need to follow Islamic orthodoxy to show tolerance and respect to Islamic people and you don't need to know the ins and out of gender ideology to do likewise to people who believe in gender.

As trans people are fond of saying, it should be acknowledging that they exist and deserve the same respect and consideration everyone else gets. No more, no less.

And it doesn't need to be covered in great detail, in either SRE or any other area of the curriculum to do that. We don't teach all the world religions, but we still manage to get across the tolerance message for them, why is gender ideology this special case where everyone must know the ins and outs of a very specific, spiritual belief system?

Nice bit of derailing Phoenix

RSE, not SRE.

You're right TheReluctantPhoenix . Teachers mustn't be hung out to dry. I've spent many an hour with enraged parents being clear that they are not going to see Mr or get an apology from Ms . That's not how it works.
But we have to be open to criticism and feedback. The RSE curriculum has become increasingly challenging with fundamentalist religious groups attempting to control it, lobby groups desperately (and relatively successfully) trying to implement queer theory into much of it and worried parents being torn all ways - especially about trans issues.

Too many teachers have been indoctrinated into the 'born in the wrong body' narrative and we now have to give them the knowledge, skills and boundaries to navigate these issues scientifically, accurately and compassionately. Along with the guidelines, at the moment it's up to parents to let schools know how concerned they are, just as the OP has done.

I presume TheReluctantPhoenix that you're not a teacher?

I think it's utterly clear Phoenix is a teacher and what she's saying is correct. There is no legal basis to make individual staff share lesson resources or even engage with a parent's concerns.

That said I don't think that's what anyone is suggesting, I think we are all talking across purposes.

I think the point is that all teachers will have a chat about parent concerns and try to address them if raised in a reasonable way. If that doesn't work then OP has ammo to encourage the school to review it's content in this area and hopefully a conversation with that teacher would occur.

This is a sufficiently important subject for OP to put the time and effort in and I think in many schools you'd get a reasonable response. It don't think it's a 'That' parent situation unless OP goes in bolshy.

@MrsOvertonsWindow,

It sounds like what you do is excellent and an example of best practice in this area.

I still think there is a big difference between a pre-arranged meeting with a head of department and lots of parents, and any individual parent asking an individual teacher about sharing the lesson content for a lesson they just taught.

In the first instance, you prepare in advance for the meeting and have time to explain context. In the second instance, you are vulnerable to any parent demanding a single lesson content with no context around it, and engaging in a lengthy and critical e mail dialogue thenceforth. And multiply that by as many opinionated parents as the school has…

You sound quite senior, so I hope you protect your junior colleagues from parents who feel that they have the right to critique their teaching.

I'm a teacher. As said above, in primary there is very little sex education in the curriculum, which makes it perfectly manageable to do this as a presentation to parents. Primaries also do this on a regular basis with topic talks and school trip residential q and a as well.
Out of all the things that take a lot of time in teaching, this really isn't one of them.
If schools are choosing to cover the non statutory gender stuff, then of course it's their responsibility to make sure it's appropriate and communicated to parents. The DfE is clear. No one should be spouting gender ideology as fact. There's actually no excuse because if a school is unsure it does not have to cover it. But if it does it needs to follow the guidance provided. Which, if the op is exactly as her son reported, it very clearly did not.

Agreed Leafstamp

Just to follow up TheReluctantPhoenix's point about making parents use the complaints procedure. If you read complaints procedures they always specify that using it should be the last resort.
Schools and teachers shouldn't set out to fight with parents or to patronise them with a top down approach. Good schools have the confidence of parents and where there are problems, work hard to find solutions. Hopefully the OP's school is one of those that wants to work well with parents and will resolve this respectfully and positively.

Of course parents can ask to see lesson content for RSE. Perhaps the school can refuse, but I presume the parent could then ask for the information under the FOIA?

In any case, any decent school would not want to antagonise a concerned parent by refusing to help them understand how these sensitive topics are taught.

TheReluctantPhoenix, I'm not only a teacher but have run RSE departments in 3 different schools including one school with a predominantly Muslim intake.
I've run consultation evenings about policies, shared resources, had health ed ./ school nurses and doctors and a range of other professionals in schools to meet with parents and share curriculum, resources and approaches. It's time consuming but if you're committed to partnership with parents and ensuring that the majority of parents allow their children to take part in all aspects of sex ed lessons, then you need to be open with them and they need the confidence that the school deals with sensitive issues respectfully and in a balanced way.

Do you teach RSE?

I have been to meetings at my child's school to be shown the lesson content (videos/slides etc) to be used in these lessons. That's what consultation means. How do you expect schools to consult with parents if they don't share resources with them?

@MrsOvertonsWindow,

I assume that you are not, as you are once again conflating completely separate things.

Consultation and example resources are not lesson content!

Do you have any idea of the burden on teachers if they had to provide lesson content to any parent who asked? And then respond to their criticisms?

Schools have a complaint policy for a reason.

I presume TheReluctantPhoenix that you're not a teacher?

The DfE's RSE statutory guidelines are very clear that all schools must have an RSE policy and must consult parents in developing and reviewing their policy. (direct quote)

Para 24 states:
Schools should also ensure that, when they consult with parents, they provide examples of the resources that they plan to use as this can be reassuring for parents and enables them to continue the conversations started in class at home .

These are statutory guidelines that schools must follow. Schools are meant to work in partnership with parents - essential for RSE if parents are to complement what's being taught - or as we are seeing, correct the falsehoods and inaccuracies some children are being taught.

Here's the link to the guidelines :

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/908013/Relationships_Education__Relationships_and_Sex_Education__RSE__and_Health_Education.pdf

@AssassinatedBeauty,

Nice try but no cigar.

It says exactly as I specified above: the curriculum should be shared and consulted about and parental engagement should be sought.

Unless I have missed it, it nowhere states that schools should share lesson content.

Here ...

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachmentdata/file/884450/Parentallengagementonnrelationships_education.pdf

Did anyone suggest it was an actual legal right though? There is nothing to stop a parent asking for lesson content. And even if the school/teacher is allowed to say no, that might not be the best move.

For those saying you can ‘ask to see lesson content’, please provide a link whereby this is either a right or deemed appropriate?

You can see the curriculum (normally published on the website) and good policy indicates that parents should be involved.

However (as anyone actually in teaching knows), that is a million miles away from actually sharing the lesson content. Do you expect to see the slides (assuming a PowerPoint was used) or a teacher’s private lesson plan?

There's absolutely nothing wrong in asking to view their lesson content and many schools encourage this for pshe and rse lessons.

You've got a great wee boy there, who has clearly learned good ways to manage his anxiety from you already, TotallyKerplunked. It's not easy to help anxious kids navigate what can often be a very stressful school environment and he's lucky to have you!

As for the lesson, I wouldn't just let that go either. Especially because his (presumably respectful) query and obvious confusion was framed as being rude. And I agree with asking for the lesson plan, so you know if your boy might have maybe misunderstood something before disputing the content being taught.

I would make a point of speaking to the class teacher first and clarifying what they mean. It's very possible they don't really think you can change sex and just explained it poorly.

I agree with this. My son and cousin's daughter (different schools but same local authority) had the same lesson on gender identity at roughly the same time aged about 10/11.

My DC came home quite exasperated and said you wouldn't believe the rubbish the teacher taught us today. We had a chat about tolerance and understanding (this fell by the wayside, because the teacher was so focused on the wrong body narrative and enforcing stereotypes) and about how to respectfully disagree with a teacher. (He hadn't said anything, but it was a good opportunity for that chat.)

Cousin's DC came home distraught querying if liking boy stuff really made you a boy and told her mum that if you are a girl who is really a boy you can go to the doctor who'll give you a pill which will let you grow a willy.

We (the adults) were certain that my cousin's daughter must have misunderstood the lesson, with the teacher probably explaining available medical interventions in a way she couldn't understand. So her mum explained that humans cannot change sex and that it was totally fine to like boy stuff because it wasn't really boy stuff, it was for boys and girls.

Neither of us approached the teachers at the time because it was the last month they were at primary school and we weren't that clued up about the issue back then. And my cousin's daughter clearly had misunderstood, so it was unclear what the teacher had actually said.

But I would feel confident approaching the school now.

The introduction of this gender bollocks strikes me as an excellent way to sow confusion.
The very small module of pshe that is sex education is usually really rigourously planned. It usually involves a staff swap to ensure that a knowledgeable male teacher teaches the boys, ideally and ditto for the girls. As primaries often have predominantly female teachers a same sex teacher for the boys talk isn't always possible, but I've never known a school not to use a senior female lead for the girls. The content is watched and analysed by the yeargroup teachers with the pshe lead at the very least and schools plan very carefully so as to be sensitive to early developers, religious pupils etc.

So this 'non statutory' unit from the DfE tells me either less care will go into it- who teaches it and how.

Or the pshe lead is pushing an agenda.

Neither is good. This is why the DfE need to step up and introduce robust, age appropriate non confirming material and stand by it.

Gender identity and sex are not the same thing. And it is clearly not possible to change sex, so the school are taking a factually innacurate and political stance over this. As per the government guidance for schools in 2020 schools should in fact be discussing the materials that they are using and also the lesson plans with parents, if they are going down this route. I would certainly flag this up for the school. We cannot have more generations of children being given incorrect and potentially damaging information. Safe schools alliance I am sure will be happy to assist and provide guidance if necessary.

Science and PSHE teacher here. I agree that what is described is drivel but would still caution being careful to ensure an effective approach.

I would make a point of speaking to the class teacher first and clarifying what they mean. It's very possible they don't really think you can change sex and just explained it poorly.

If that conversation doesn't have the right outcome then at least, when you speak to the head, you know they are a nutter. I'd then use the PSHE guidance about not teaching 'born in the wrong body' to gently but firmly ask for a more formal response.

Schools are supposed to hold consultations with parents on RSE content (relationship and sex education). I am sure that many schools are conflating sex and gender, much to everyone’s confusion.

"It is a good opportunity to discuss what is a fact and what is an opinion and to say that it is OK to not agree with the school on this one."

True, but the teacher should not be presenting their opinion as fact. Especially if they are sailing closed to the wind on the 'wrong body' ideas which they are not supposed to teach.

It is absolutely ok to ask for lesson material if you are concerned. Clearly not all the time, as you'd be being a PIA but if you have genuine concerns on the teaching of a controversial topic and only do it now and again, I can't see a problem.

You won't be in 100% agreement with everything every teacher says - but that is no reason to let something on such a serious issue go, with safeguarding issues as well, bearing in mind the impact a teacher's words can have as those young minds over time as 9 year olds move into adolescence. I would imagine that OP's son took notes not to get the teacher into trouble but because what he heard made him uncomfortable (a safeguarding red flag surely, of itself!) and it is absolutely right that he should talk to his parents if another adult makes him uncomfortable. No child should ever be discouraged from opening up to mum and dad on things that make him or her uncomfortable. Safeguarding point number 1!

I would approach the school in a collaborative way and make the point early that you're not cross, not having a go at the teacher, but son is confused and you need to help him. Because of the confusion you also want reassurance that the material was really appropriate for the age group (good question might be how to you present the same material to the year below and the year above?), and even though you understand teachers are very busy and guidance changes all the time you'd like confirmation that the head or RSE lead has absolutely checked the teaching material against the most up-to-date guidance issued last autumn and they are not recycling old lesson plans.