Why are women encouraged to see jealousy?

Yes! I hate it & I don't think it's a reflection of real life at all.

I think jealousy/envy/low self esteem are rife. Social media (and any other media) is constantly showing us the life we could have, the career we should have, the mother we should be, the flawless beauty we should have been born with.
That's not to say that jealousy isn't used to shut women up or dumb them down in situations where were it a man then they would be considered competitive and it seen as a positive.

Women should be looking out for jealousy in new partners, because it is so common in men, and dangerous.

Yes, especially when women are told that a man being jealous is flattering, or in fact anyone being jealous is flattering, that it shows someone cares, so encouraged to accept it or even foster it. It's dangerous and destructive.

I have a lifelong friend, a very scientifically minded logical person. I wouldn't rate her high on empathy/emotional intelligence. She seems to explain away every single off-ish behaviour between people as "jealousy".

It's almost certainly something she was told as a child "they're just jealous of you" (she's a high academic achiever) when actually she had problems because of her lack of social awareness.

But y'know what, this explanation has made her life very easy, compared to other people who get bogged down in "why did they do that, say that, made me feel hurt, I want to analyse it and now need to have a hard conversation...." She really doesn't bother with any of that!

It gets a bit annoying though because she believes it so deeply (that everything can be explained away as jealousy) that when I have talked about random situations to her, eg I mentioned the mother of my DP's kids doesn't speak to me at all when she drops off/collects the kids on his EOW. She treats me with complete in difference, like she's not bothered about me in the slightest nor do I feel she should bother. My logical friend seems to think it means she's jealous of me!

@Anotheruser02 that was in response to a put down from the other poster.

You're cherry picking the parts you bring here, the OP of this thread wanted the OP of the other thread to feel crap. It was obvious, only once was heels being bad for you're body mentioned. The OP who now has issues with women tearing other women down only yesterday told someone enjoy wearing your heels. Try and move with the times a little bit.

Honestly this sounded to me like every snide bitch I've ever come across, I'm going to give a nasty insult with a grin on my face, so that when you're offended I can claim "only a joke, you're too sensitive" to me that's the definition of negging.

It's gaslighting and very damaging.

@Anotheruser02 The OP on that thread was told that high heels are not fashionable anymore and they damage your body, but it was up to her. If someone is that fragile that this makes them feel shit, then they really should not post on MN about what they are wearing.
Like most people I do not give a shit what other people wear as long as it is not offensive.

This baffles me too, there was a recent thread where the Op disliked a certain "fashion" and had seen it on a model. A fair few responses well you are jealous because she is young and beautiful .I honestly don't understand why do women say this. It's quite teenagery isn't it ?

You came back to that thread over and over to make the OP of it feel like shit for wearing heels when you personally wouldn't do that anymore. Lots of people, but not all by any means were saying the friends were jealous. I think the friends just sounded more like common or garden cunts, the types that would make a woman feel like shit for wearing heels when they personally wouldn't do that anymore.

Is it possible it’s not so much jealousy/envy at the core, but those people feel bad about themselves and the other person’s positive attributes make them feel even worse. It then comes out as envy.

This plays more into the idea that capitalism is profiting over making women feel bad about their appearance. The expectations on women are much worse these days due to social media. Even the women who seem to have it all will struggle to feel completely secure and happy in this environment, even if others see them as having a perfect life and body etc.

I think there's also this weird competitiveness between generations that the patriarchy encourages (while we're fighting each other, we're not fighting them)

I think there's an element where women are encouraged to compete and be jealous of each other. I know men are also encouraged to be competitive, but it seems like it's in a different way - without the jealousy. I guess part of it is that women tend to have less space/resources to fight over, while men can relax (largely) as they already have more and therefore more of them can come out on top.

@hamstersarse I feel envious. I try not to let it show. We are struggling financially and I do feel envious when for example my friends last night were talking about buying a holiday cottage.
But I really try hard not to let it affect my behaviour. Because I value my friends and family. What good does it do if I also lose a friend over my envy because I am having a hard time?
I deal with envy by talking to DP about it. I actually do not envy my friend who has more money but works incredibly long hours. I did envy my friend who is buying a holiday cottage because of an inheritance from a relative she did not like and avoided seeing. I think it is the sheer luck of it I envy. But that is life. Some people are lucky and some are unlucky and most a bit of both.

It's something women say to each other to reassure them. Like a PP, I remember girls at school saying it too.

Jealousy does drive some behaviour though. I get your point about it being thrown out for all sorts of random situations, but I think it is an emotion that is under-estimated in it's impact.

Jealousy happens when we see something we want, or have something we want so much we don't want to lose it.

I might see my neighbours new fancy car and get a pang of jealousy (unlikely but you never know!), I might see my boyfriend laughing and joking with a woman and get a pang of jealousy.

What I am unsure of is whether the general emotional illiteracy in our culture means that people do not know how to handle feelings of jealousy. So when we see an extraordinarily beautiful woman, are we all really able to say that there is no jealously involved (especially if we are feeling fat and old)? And more importantly, are we sure that that jealousy doesn't seep out into our behaviours and attitudes?

I am not sure people are that in touch with what jealousy feels like and how to ensure that it is not acted out on

Funny that you were on that thread though trying to tear a women down over her choices of outfit, yet here you are on this board now ...

A capitalist, sexist culture where women compete for men. Which benefits men even though they are the ones who should actually be competing for us
We have turned nature on its head. Look at birds. The female is plain which aids camouflage because she is more valuable from an evolutionary perspective. The male bird chases the female who is normally disinterested

Of course the media/ men love pushing this line as well.

It's flattering to them to think that all women and girls care about is how good looking/ popular they are.

I first noticed this when I was at school.

In whatever situation it was the go to reaction from lots of girls I knew was oh she's just jealous.

So I think they must have learnt it at home.

I assume it's to make the child feel better about someone not liking them etc.

But what it actually does is removes any opportunity for consideration etc.

It's weird but it's everywhere so it must be a really common thing that maybe mothers tell their daughters...?

Probably coin. Because men are seen as active agents and women as objects.

Especially if a woman is young and attractive. She is something that men can own - like a trophy wife. So people, but usually men, are jealous of her because they don’t see her as a person, but as a thing to consume.

Aren't men usually described as 'competitive' which is seen to be good to a certain extent?

Women are described more easily as 'jealous'.

Most DV involves jealousy and control.

Jealousy is when you feel something or someone is your private property and you don’t want anything to threaten that. Like Gollum and the ring.

Envy is when you want something someone else wants.

Women should be looking out for jealousy in new partners, because it is so common in men, and dangerous.