Best responses for being asked for pronouns in person

This is really useful. I'm starting a new job soon in a new department with 18 of us starting together. I can quite imagine being asked this as part of the training: I think I'm going with:

"I dont have a gender identity; my pronouns are sex-based."

Hopefully there wouldn't be a follow up.

As transsexual my opinion FWIW is this:

Pronouns should NEVER be compelled. There cannot ever be consequences for refusing to do so. It is not a right but a privilege to receive a pronoun.

I have spoken to many women over the years and seldom has there been an issue when there has been a freedom to choose.

From my position I wouldn't want to be a recipient of compelled speech.

I genuinely feel somewhat unsafe in settings where this happens. I know this sounds like the kind of hyperbole we expect from some people who believe in gender identity, but all the police reports, doxxing, bomb threats, violent threats, punches, rape threats, violent images and slogans, attempts to prevent meeting, blocking inside buildings, threatening in stairwells, silencing on social media, intimidation of employers, smoke bombs, costumes with dicks on etc etc have been carried out against mainly women by people who believe in gender ID. Often using the threat and presence of male bodies against us, with all that entails.

I have seen the relief in a room when the first person asked deflects the pronoun question. It liberates the others who do not wish to say. And what could I, honestly, say? I've raised my kids as gender neutral as possible. They don't correct strangers who "missgender" them because they don't think it's an insult or particularly important half of the time. If you ask my pronouns, I don't have any, because I know you are referring to gender ID not sex. I try to live ethically and kindly. Lying feels extremely wrong.

I did O levels - I don't even know what a pronoun is.

And Westend, if everyone breezily gives he/him/his or she/her/hers to match their sex and presentation, how "inclusive" is it for the person who is going to stick out like a sore thumb if they say something different? Even if they say nothing, it leaves them exposed. The more people who question the need for putting pronouns in their work bio or email sign-off the better for those who are non-conforming and questioning.

They might arrive at the point where they're confident to announce "It's zhi, zhir and zhim for me, thank you!" and police it rigourously, but until they reach that point (and after!) they need respect, not coercion.

I'm thinking of choosing we/us if I'm ever made to declare, makes as much sense to me as they/ them.

Can I ask, why do you need to know?

Why should you be forced to join in?

Anyone should opt out if they want to

The big deal is that someone, unknown to all, might be sitting in that meeting in agonies of anxiety, fearing they are going to be 'outed' by having to express their innermost feelings.

Going round the group demanding people's pronouns in turn is unkind and insensitive. It's like the poor kid with the speech impediment or dyslexia dreading their turn to read aloud in class. We don't do that to people.

What's the big deal? Just say what your bloody pronouns are, and move along ffs!

Not claiming it is the ‘best’ response but I just always say please use my actual name if I am in the meeting and anything you like to refer to me outside it.

I'd say she/her, but that I don't get offended by they/them.

"I think pronouns are wank"

Surprise me is a really good ‘icebreaker’

I like what’s available too as it makes the asker list them

To which you could say I’ll just stick with my name

Just say you're fluid about it at present, as you're still exploring your gender identity. Trust me, nobody woke is going to push you to decide.

If they're mad enough to try, ask them who they think should decide this for you except you yourself in your own good time!

Meantime, you could say, you really aren't going to be offended if others refer to you by whatever pronouns seem appropriate to them at the time. 😉

Not to mention that most people are crap at remembering new people's NAMES, never mind adding pronouns in as well!

And I just think this is so excluding for people who aren't good at English, who have learning difficulties or autism or English as a Second Language - it adds unnecessary stress and confusion.

After clearing up my adverb/noun/verb confusions first of course.

Since the first time I was caught by this I always just repeat my first name, in it's short version.

Imagine my name is Katherine

Hi Katherine, what is your preferred pronoun

Kate

No, your pronoun

Kate

But

Kate

And it eventually dawns on them that Kate is entirely appropriate and that they can't really argue against it.

Should it ever be added to my email signature it would be

Kate The Feminist
Kate / Kate / Kate

I love “Surprise me!”

Others you could try:

“What’s available?”

“I’ve spent the last 40-odd years untroubled by such triviality and I don’t intend to start now!”

"Oooo! Are we doing pronouns? I'll get my filofax and write them all down. This is going to be fun!"

I dont use pronouns

Maybe if you're not religious you could say
"I'm an atheist'...