Best responses for being asked for pronouns in person

Yeah, that would be pretty rude of me, wouldn't it?

It's almost like getting people's pronouns right actually is important for polite interactions.

Wondering how far you’d take it

My concern is that I’m expected to remember what pronouns a hundred different people have requested, and if I forget I’ll be demonised as “misgendering” someone. It’s impossible to remember them all.

I thought the consensus was that it's my own choice what pronouns I use for people? If I've gotten OP's pronouns wrong and he's not comfortable with that then maybe there is some merit in stating a preference after all?

That’s not really true is it

We’ve managed for however long not having to introduce ourselves with pronouns

I clearly said in my comment if OP doesn't want to give his pronouns he should just skip it or say he'd rather not.

But @LurcherLot, in practice it is perfectly obvious which pronouns to use for someone 99.999% of the time, based on their name and physical appearance. This is the case for trans people too - as they typically choose a new name of their preferred gender and dress accordingly. The only exceptions are:

1. Non-binary people, which is an identity I consider rather try-hard in a work context
2. People with unisex names or names from non-European backgrounds which are unfamiliar to most of their colleagues, who also have a nonstandard gender presentation. This is such a small group that I don't think we need to invent a whole pronoun-based performance just for them.

'be prepared for some people to be confused as to what to call you as a result).'

I've never, in my long life, been confused about what pronouns to use for someone. It's something that would only be confusing if one creates a made-up set of 'rules' that are counter intuitive and quite often contrary to socially accepted reality.

This is the point, of course. Destabilisation and an attempt to control other people's perception.

The cat’s mother.

In reality, I’d say ‘what are pronouns?’ Followed by ‘why do you need to know?’

Have people been calling you thingy when you didn’t do this?

Pronouns aren't gender ideology, they're grammar. You've used pronouns in virtually every sentence of your response to me. I've used 5 pronouns so far in this comment.

(though be prepared for some people to be confused as to what to call you as a result).

I wonder how we managed all these hundreds of years with people being confused as to what to call us

My pronouns hehe

You go ahead if you wish.

Those that don’t want to can opt out.

I don’t see why you wouod get so exercised by people not wanting to do the same as you.

Pronouns aren't an ideology, for crying out loud, they're a part of speech. All it does is tell people how they should refer to you when talking about you in the third person, it's helpful for the same reason it's helpful to let people know what your name is, so they know what to call you when they talk to you or about you. If you'd rather people call you "um" or "thingy" or "them overthere" then by all means withhold that information, but it's your own life you're making awkward at the end of the day.

Those of you pretending you object to stating pronouns because you care about closeted trans people when you've never had a kind or sympathetic word to say about trans people in your life, you're fooling no one.

And those of you telling OP he should claim or imply that he is a closeted trans person, you're not only proposing he claim to be representing a group he is not a part of, which is dishonest and disingenuous, you're also potentially setting him up for awkwardness or trouble in his workplace down the line, if people make wrong assumptions as a result, or discover his dishonesty.

OP, if you don't want to say your pronouns, just don't. Just give your name and move on, and it's unlikely anyone will push you any further. If they do, just firmly say "I'd rather not" (though be prepared for some people to be confused as to what to call you as a result).

You won't need pronouns if you use my name.

A good tip anyway.

I always go with “Luckily I have no preferred pronouns, but I do worry about forcing people to either out or misgender themselves when pronouns have to be stated.” Throw in a pained expression of super-extra-wokeness at how unwoke and thoughtless they’ve been by asking.

@chrysanthemum5 I think you've cracked it! Bookmarked and screenshot saved

A very horrified and insulted 'Isn't it obvious' and a glare....

Even so, I do like the analysis that my pronouns are not in fact mine at all, but belong to the speaker - they are part of their language, their grammar, so id say "oh, whatever makes sense to you is fine with me" - I think its a genuine response that's hard to take negatively.

I mean transition to male, not make 🙄

It really is silly isn't it. It's virtue signalling. I mean most names are male or female names and if I decided to socially transition to make, I'd choose a name that was obviously male, then if I didn't "pass" as male, my name when I introduce myself would make it clear to everyone that I wished to identify as male. No need for this pronoun stating at all.