What Would You Do If Your Child/Grand-Child/Beloved Nephew or Niece Told You They Were Sure They Were Trans?

What @LunaRabbit said. Plus ask her what thoughts and feelings had she had that she believed a girl couldn't have? I'd make sure she was exposed to plenty of diverse female role models. I'd make sure she knew that whatever surgery or hormones people had or took it didn't actually make them the opposite sex in the same way that hormones and surgery can't make a 50 year old 25.

On another thread, on being given a long list of people, in particular transwomen, who literally believe that they have changed sex and/or were female from birth, you wrote this -

You are either mistaken or lying, I wonder which. Which makes me doubt some of the other names you list.

Accusing the posters on here of lying isn't polite debate. Out of interest, did you check out the rest of the names on the list to see whether we were 'mistaken or lying'?

I'm happy to debate with good faith posters. Not so much with bad faith posters with an agenda.

I'm far from being a parent at this moment, but I would sit her down and have a discussion with her. If she were uncomfortable with gender roles I would allow her to dress and act how she wanted assuming she's being reasonable and not offensive. If I thought she were being exposed to trans ideology online or through her friends, I would limit her usage and examine if her friendships are the right ones for her. If I found that she had dysphoria, which is very rare, I would get her professional help, but under no circumstances would I let her transition because I don't think surgery is the right "treatment" for a mental health issue.

But ideally I would raise a child who would be immune to all this.
I didn't have the best childhood by far, but I grew up being able to engage in traditionally feminine hobbies as well as traditionally masculine ones, and being a girl didn't really mean much to my identity. I just knew I was a female human being.

You are right there are some regular posters who are very anti trans, some even gang up to to stiffle a discussion.

But be careful not to confuse the transphobes with the regular women who are just trying to protect their spaces, their rights etc for themselves and their daughters.
There is a huge difference between the two.

Try to explore what they mean by 'trans', what they think 'men' and 'women' are.
Avoid the NHS, seek out a therapist who will explore, not affirm.
Make sure they understand that sex change is not possible, that hormones and surgery are just cosmetic.

And yet, if they read many other threads they would see just how many regular posters have trans people in their lives.

And for what it is worth OP. The ‘regular’ posters on FWR are not ‘anti trans’ they are pro women. I am sure it has been explained to you.

Many of us fight for the rights of all female’s to be strengthened where needed when they come into contact with conflicts with the rights of any other group.

It is also getting quite hard to find a parent of a female teen that is NOT dealing with the effects, either directly or indirectly, of this movement. Some on a daily basis. Being told ‘welcome to the future!’ Is just offensive really in those cases.

Like @NiceGerbil dd 14 (ASD) who had never shown any interest in wearing clothes designed for boys (in fact went to a school residential with dresses as she was so opposed to wearing scruffs and needed to put on a dress after the activities) declared herself trans and lopped off her long hair and adopted the male diminutive of her name. Stopped wearing dresses and declared herself trans.
I bought her the clothes she wanted, called her the name she wanted and decided to play the long game. I challenged her gently, gave her my thoughts and waited.
Lockdown happened, she changed school to an autism specialist school became happy, started wearing more feminine clothes and apologised that she had been an arse at times over the past four years.
She is who she is, geeky and autistic (she describes herself) but definitely not trans.

Tbh as there are 5 girls in my ds's class who change their name regularly I wouldn't give it much attention at all. I would simply say it doesn't need a label.

Ah, I've just realised that you're the 'Welcome to the future. Things have changed' poster. Here for screenshots?

I'm not really sure of your angle to be honest, are you a parent of a trans child, are you the trans child or is there a different motive behind this?

If you have any doubts Zeev, do ask MNHQ to check it out using the report button. You won’t be the only person.

Why not have a wide ranging discussion?

Anyway.

DD1 used to wear only boys clothes which of course I was fine with. She rocked a suit at a wedding when she was 9.

Now at secondary she's in a group where they are all trans identified. A couple have changed their names.

No probs.

DD is no longer rejecting of being female- she started puberty young and it seemed to coincide with that which is understandable. Periods and boobs when you're not even in the last year of primary school is tough.

She also started wearing 2 bras, I suppose to try to bind. I said I'd be happy to get her some sports bras or similar to squish them but binding itself was not good due to restricting breathing etc.

Anyway she's grown out of it now essentially.

I imagine she still is non binary or something in her group.

For me name changes clothes hair so what it's fine.

When it gets to medical intervention etc it's a different story.

I was a child who saw the doc a lot. As someone who was not usual, it made me feel special. All the surgical pain was awful but the attention from the docs, nurses. Being in hosp. I liked it. It was long enough ago that I can say that.

In the end not my child not my business. Going to the doc I would only do if there was what I thought a history, a good reason, and other issues had been explored. Because blockers, double mastectomy, testosterone. Are a massive massive deal.

I was born as what they termed in the olden days as “ intersex”
It was left in the hands of my parents to decide how they would like to bring me up.
I question how both of them made their decision, but accept now that I live my life independently of how either of them may feel.

I would make sure that they had as much information as possible from ss many sources as possible and discuss s longer term plan to achieve where they wanted with appropriate counselling. If they came to me that is. I wouldn't agree to anything drastic before adulthood however.

@Oldermum156

If your child hadn’t decided to transition would you feel the same? You state they are the same unemployed video game addicted person they were before, that doesn’t shower. Doesn’t sound like they were making much of a life as a son.

Why do you ask, BilindaB?

Oldermum156
I'm in the same boat except my child is female. She went to a gender clinic rather than PP but it was just as quick and easy. No counseling, no questions and not even a blood test to check for preexisting conditions. After 20 minutes she walked out with 6 months worth of testosterone.

Questions. Lots of questions. First question is "What exactly do you mean by that? Do you think you actually are the opposite sex, that you should be the opposite sex, or you just want people to treat you as if you're the opposite sex? Why?" Where we go from there depends on the answers to those questions.

@MajesticWhine No, he was happy to be called his original name, although he was trying to think of what girl’s name he would like. The Tavistock asked before his appointment which pronouns he would like and he was happy with masculine pronouns.

This has happened to me.
It has been utterly heartbreaking and devastating. I had one child due to infertility issues. I will never have grandchildren.
I had no warning. He walked into the room after we came home from a long day of shopping, annouced he was trans, and I was so stunned, all I could say was "Okay," and after he said one or two more things he walked out.
In a week more he just waltzed on into PP and they gave him estrogen. He received no counseling. No diagnosis. (He is an adult so I have no say in this). All he had to do was claim dysphoria and ask.
Since the E began he has remained the same surly, unemployed, video game addicted young man he was before hand. He doesn't shower, but he does wear dresses and take a lot of selfies. After many months of prodding he finally is seeing a therapist but it has produced no change in his horrible, disrespectful behavior.
He has a boyfriend and some other friends who are totally respectful of the change and of course fixes himself up when he sees them. No one asks me how I feel about this. Everyone acts like this is just fine and normal. No one cares that my life is a horrible nightmare with a child who I wish I never gave birth to living in my house.

My niece and I briefly fell out about gender ideology, but we're now back to normal. I use her new name except when talking about her past.