How to (re)approach Headteacher (re: trans ideology)?

@StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind actually I think throwing about notions of child protection is seems to be the favoured way to derail an argument and force an agenda on this thread.

Anyway, I'm out. This isn't sensible discourse, I only commented because I felt sorry for the Head Teacher who has to deal with this nonsense.

It is certainly not a consensus view, and it is not supported by the majority of scientific and medical research in relation to this.

Are you suggesting that the scientific consensus is that people can be born in the wrong body, and that we should force regressive stereotypes on them and lie to children about biology? Really?

[quote DifferentHair]@StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind clearly whether that is 'wrong' or 'right' is subjective, and the OP has already told the head that in her (lay) opinion it is wrong.

It is certainly not a consensus view, and it is not supported by the majority of scientific and medical research in relation to this.

If you want to cloak your prejudices under the guise of 'concern for children', fill your boots. But I think people will see through it and the school and the other parents will have the measure of you early. That's what will impact your daughter.

[/quote]
Guise of 'concern for children'?

If you believe this is a guise, then what do you think the OP's motivation is?

I think youre crossing a line when you start talking about an individual child rather than a concept. This kid has nothing to do with you. Its between the child, its parents and the school

@DifferentHair that's the quickest way to shout someone down who you disagree with isn't it, label them as prejudiced.

You can do better surely?

That's why I think this is a really critical moment, and why I'm considering how most sensitively to approach this. I disagree profoundly with those who say this is none of my business. This is everybody-who-gives-a-toss-about-children's business.

Yes, of course it's your business. Especially as your child is in the school.

What they do next will demonstrate to you how seriously they take, and understand, safeguarding. And whether or not they are fully aware of ROGD. Particularly amongst girls.

And yes, following the advice from transgender trend, and safe schools alliance would be a good course of action.

@StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind clearly whether that is 'wrong' or 'right' is subjective, and the OP has already told the head that in her (lay) opinion it is wrong.

It is certainly not a consensus view, and it is not supported by the majority of scientific and medical research in relation to this.

If you want to cloak your prejudices under the guise of 'concern for children', fill your boots. But I think people will see through it and the school and the other parents will have the measure of you early. That's what will impact your daughter.

''For her to realise that there are a range of organisations who can offer support in forming policies around transgender-identifying children.''

Anything more substantial? What policies would you like the school to have re trans kids?

It is wrong to lie children about basic biology. It is wrong to make children think they can be 'born in the wrong body'. It is wrong to force regressive gender stereotypes on them. That recent case of the 4 year old who's parents said is trans- because she wasn't interested in stereotypically 'girl' things, liked her twin brother's clothes and toys and wanted to be a firefighter/police officer. It is absolute madness- these are children, how can they possibly believe they are born in the wrong body- the idea is being fed from somewhere. I worry so much for this generation of kids.

What is it that you'd like to happen if you talk to the head?

I feel uncomfortable about this. I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk to your Head just because there is a dysphoric child in the school. Why not wait and see if it becomes an issue that impacts your child in any way and then act? You say some other parents have mentioned their children getting upset because this child has called them transphobic. Rather than reacting to hearsay wait and see if your child experiences this? I actually feel sorry for the child because they must be terribly confused - the school is ostensibly supporting them by allowing them to wear a special uniform but then you say the teachers aren’t changing how they refer to them? And the child accusing other kids of being ‘transphobic’ - might that just be them discussing the issue? Doesn’t sound like any of the pupils are getting into trouble with the school for being ‘transphobic’.

It sounds like you’ve given the Head some literature and had a conversation. I’d just focus on supporting your own child for now. Hopefully the new child will get on with their education and make some friends. Hopefully they’ll get some support to feel happy in their skin without having to throw around words like ‘transphobic’.

I understand the issues here but just feel you won’t help the situation by bothering your Head with this now.

Also at your '(too much time on the internet?)' comment. I was thinking exactly the same about you.

I think you should mind your own business. It's not your child, it isn't impacting your child. You've made your views known. The head teacher is perfectly capable of accessing peer reviewed and reliable material. I am hoping your 'literature' went straight in the bin.

Maybe you should respect the boy (or female sexual organ owning person if you prefer to go by what is in someone’s pants/under their shirt rather than who they are) in question and let them live their life?

I can't believe people - teachers? - can write this stuff seriously.

Girls aren't 'female sexual organ owning people' - FFS.

What is this 'who they are' bollocks?

Just because some kids struggle with dysphoria doesn't mean the rest of the school has to become lie validators or nonsense cheer leaders. Please stop asking children to upend biology and science in the name of a sexist, regressive ideology. Its not kind.

@therestissilence It is lovely to have a polite conversation on this where we can air our views and to an extent agree to disagree. I enjoy adult debate as I find I can sometimes teach people things and also learn and grow myself. Thank you.

Also a confession as I can now see your heart: I personally can’t see at all why anyone would want to be trans as in a way my own mind is prejudice (I’m using that word for myself only) to the thought of “Gender when it comes to trans issues is mostly just a social construct.” I’m happily a girly girl who hates a lot of sports etc and loves my heels, but also has a strong tomboy side that buys T-shirt’s and hoodies in the men’s clothing section and would far prefer going down the local pub for a drink, darts and burping contest (not that I ever did this in 6th form....) with the boys. I see no need to identify as “non-binary” as I was never told that boys and girls shouldn’t do all these things. My own son (teenager) has long hair, often gets mistaken for a girl until he speaks, and likes my little pony and helps me pick shoes and is definitely still identifies as a boy.
Unfortunately society has not got to the stage as a whole where these things are really properly accepted, no matter how much we want it. While clothes shops, toy shops, school uniform codes etc etc etc still insist on differentiating between girl and boy (sports and things like that are a different matter as that’s to do with physical ability) then there are always going to be some who, no matter what will feel they have to be a different gender to be happy even at a young age no matter how many times parents and peers say they don’t because it’s all around them.

I guess at least some of my big fight for trans rights is having my own social construct beliefs shaken by the trans people I know and have known. I don’t think there is any blanket right or wrong answer to such issues. In my mind it’s individual cases and respect. Now we have had a dialogue I see you do have respect and that is by far the most important thing, both for support, teaching and learning with such issues.

Ok @therestissilence I think I understand you. Speaking as someone in education and taking on board what you have said I think my advice would be to think “does people calling them that really make them different?” - it’s like playing a character in a play. At their age it could be a phase or a very real feeling of something not being right. I liked your way of phrasing “X would like to be a boy” but maybe “X feels more like a boy than a girl so we are going to try to make them feel comfortable by respecting their wishes but also show them that girls can do all the same things as boys so maybe they will be comfortable again being a girl.” (Or similar I’m afraid I’m not the best at phrasing things!) - would be a more inclusive option to all views on the subject. Validating the child’s feelings but also nodding to the fact they are still quite young etc.

Also the child in question should certainly be told not to say their peers are “transphobic” for calling them a girl.
The school just needs to be open about it all and educate both sides.
As a parent you can start by explaining to your own child, in a way you find suitable, about the issues. (Again I liked your example given as a starting point - if the child likes to be identified as a boy maybe you can explain it as playing a character or something?)

Btw - I’m sorry if I misunderstood you before and was a bit harsh... with this latest reply I can see the heart you are coming from is a good place. But honestly, I know we are only talking kids here so not relevant but the militant trans really are a minority (all be it a very vocal one!). In my 36 years I have known around 20 Trans people (Friends, colleagues, students I have taught etc) and I can honestly say that though they fight for their rights, as they should, they shake their heads in their hands at some of stonewalls declarations.