Help! Teen son's sexual confusion re: anime

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/
www.yourbrainonporn.com

I would check these links out OP, good luck with the talk. Maybe also have a word that any adult exposing minors to pornography (as may be happening to your son) could be grooming him.

The important thing at the moment is to get him off these internet sites. They really are poison to the teenage brain & some very unsavoury characters are behind most of it.
If you don’t know how to block this content yourself then get someone in to do it for you.

your reasoning for thinking he's not gay because he is masculine etc is way off.. there's plenty of rugby playing hairy muscly macho gay men out there . the only reason to think he is gay is if he likes men(boys at his age) not any of the other things you list. nor will he turn gay by watching any type of anime no matter how trans they look. u either are or you aren't.

Good luck! Hope it goes well. Poor kids having to navigate all this at such a young age. I find it confusing and I'm old

You're possibly overthinking this. He won't become gay if he's not actually gay

This. And block the porn.

There's a good website with advice for parents who want to talk to their kids about porn.

www.culturereframed.org/

They have free programs for parents and a number of videos.

Maybe you'll find some advice there on how to approach the issue with your son.

FWIW, I have one the same age and I would not hesitate to remove his access to the internet if he was watching porn. We talk about why it's not a good idea for him to watch it. We have also explicitly and repeatedly told him that whether he loves boys, girls or both makes no difference to our love for him.

Questioning their sexuality is normal for teens. It's only emerging and/or something they become properly aware of at this age, so I'd say have a chat about it being normal, being ok and then have a chat about not letting random people on the internet - who do not know you - tell you what or who you are.

Good luck!

I have just read your post again OP.
If you are going to talk to your son about this, I’m sure you will do well, but please tell him that watching porn is not for children and it is not appropriate for him or his friends (online or RL) to be sharing it. If others are making him watch it, they are not true friends.
Good luck 💐

Just agreeing with posters above who suggest filters on certain words and block sites such as Reddit, 4Chan, Tumblr etc. Your son has no idea who he is talking to online and what their motives are.

Just as an aside while I’m here, for any parents of younger children, please beware of some of the content on YouTube Kids.

Hopefully you have parental controls to stop most porn, but it doesnt stop what kids discuss with each other. Hes already shown hes interested in girls, and has now said to his mates that he kind of fancies a fictional character. Youre worried this is a slippery slope into sexual deviance?

whats the big deal if hes gay. Lots of gay and bisexual guys arent effeminate. Hes not signing a contract. He can change his mind

As someone who watched a lot of anime as an impressionable teenager I can see where your son is coming from. My parents had never heard of an internet content blocker and I used to spend hours on 4chan etc thinking I was really cool. It’s really easy to get sucked into such dark things.

The trouble is, even though I have grown up and am married with a kid etc I can never un-see what I saw and it will always colour my view of porn/sex/sexual fantasy.

TLDR my kids are not getting the internet!!

I think you should talk to him about what you've found and the differences between porn sex and sex in loving relationships. I also talked to my son about the potential effects of porn on him (erectile dysfunction, wiring the brain to images rather than sensations so real sex isn't as fun etc) and I think that helped.
This is quite a useful video

He's probably very confused and if you can show him that you are "safe" to talk to and not judgemental he will know he has someone to talk to about this.

Another thing that really helped having an open relationship with my teens was watching Sex Education with them, it is funny and explores a lot of issues round teen sexuality in a way that opens debate without having to talk about you or your child's experiences. It is VERY explicit though

I have spent 4-5 years on suicide watch with my sons. They have hated me and raged at me for not being tolerant. I have fully encouraged them to dress how they want and grow their hair etc. My eldest son has since come out of the other side. He was the one that shared the gross cartoon tentacle porn . He now identified as a gay man but has recently admitted he has sex with females. I don't care about the label as long as it's consenting and legal

Sounds horrendous! You will come through it, though, eventually!

I am so relieved that my children grew up before social media and anime and the lot of it was an overwhelming influence on their developing mind, sexuality etc.

He's a masculine, terrific boy who has social anxiety. No other markers of being gay - he's not effeminate, likes rough sports, very physical, never preferred his friends to be girls, never wanted 'girl' toys or clothes. If anything, I think he's likely terrified of girls, due to his anxiety. He simply can't imagine romance of any kind. He's not ready

He sounds like a stereotypical 'masculine' boy.........not that there is anything wrong with that ; but has he been coached into a certain way of expressing himself by his father, maybe?

I have two sons both who enjoyed 'masculine' activities as teenagers, but they also got on with girls and were liked by them. that your son sounds scared of girls is interesting?

This might be a terrible idea, not sure. But if you search the usernames of the people giving him advice or the mods of the communities he posts in you may find more information about them. Either on their profile page or if they’re particularly active Reddit “power user” types on other sites.

There is a good chance he’s not only talking to other teenagers, and if they’re adults they aren’t the kind of adults any teen wants to be. You might be able to show him what kind of person he’s been taking advice from.

Agree with PP about getting blocks in place asap.

If you want another good reason to do that then, at 14, he’s not going to know where the legal boundaries are for porn. The chances are that he’ll end up viewing or downloading something unlawful and if he’s tracked doing that by the Police...

At 14, I was incredibly curious and determined to seek content that the surrounding adults wouldn't agree with. I was also shy of girls, unsure about my body and struggling to find where I fit in. The big difference being, there was no internet back then. I had no parental figure I felt I could speak to about all this, and was envious of those children who seemed to have an open and comfortable relationship with a supportive adult. For me, if you're calmly letting him know that you're there should he wish to speak, and not making judgements, if he feels able, he'll come to you. Maybe. Possibly. Good luck.

I mean this in the kindest way possible but get some bloody content blockers or web restrictions in place. He should not be accessing these images at his age, full stop.
Also frank and open conversations with no judgement will help

Reddit has a real grooming problem, some of the moderators are very suspect.
Your son is being groomed, get him off Reddit.

Yes, I agree with pp. His sexuality is not the issue here at all, and doesn't really need to form part of the conversation you have with him. It's his use of porn which is the cause for concern.

Maybe a gentle discussion around porn and its effects on young men and their ability to enjoy a happy, healthy sex life. I just did a quick google search and there are so many articles which you might perhaps draw his attention to (many written by men who have been impacted by porn addiction) or just use to arm yourself with some facts and figures. I saw a guardian article which makes a direct link between porn use and increased anxiety around sex, which might be something of particular relevance to him.

You have much sympathy from me, OP. The teenage years have always been a bit of a parenting minefield but the internet has made it so much worse, especially as our kids are experiencing an entirely different adolescence to our pre-digital one.

grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/the-grooming-gang-at-the-heart-of