Help! Teen son's sexual confusion re: anime

Hi! Thank you for explaining your dilemma so perfect. I was having a hard time putting it in words. I am a mom of a 13 yr old girl who is also in to anime and is going through the same thing. I of course would accept her regardless but the explanation she gives me of bigender just seems not her… she’s the same as your son anti social and she also so tender for her her age… I think I might have sheltered her too much. she has no inkling in to sexual side of anime it but they always seem so sexual to me in a way. I started searching went in to tick tock, google, Reddit for myself to get more clarity and it just seems so much like a trend of kids that are in to anime find themselves in. Can I ask how did it go if you did speak to your son?

Some of these comments are unbelievable

Just wanted to say that I had a sexual relationship with a man into sissy porn and he didn't identify as either trans or gay. He was hopelessly addicted to it and unable to have regular penetrative sex or sex without wearing lacy underwear or role playing. I couldn't stick the relationship out. It was intense and too much about his needs.

He knew it was a problem for him and was deeply conflicted over it. I wonder whether he hadn't discovered it at a formative age whether it would have been a thing for him or not. He was very mixed up about both his gender and sexuality. Early 20s.

Hi gryphon sounds really good. Does anyone know if there is a cheaper one?

This is a timely article by Angus Fox for the OP. He was recently on the excellent podcast Gender: a wider lens with Sasha Ayad and Stella O'Malley taking about teenage boys affected by gender issues.

quillette.com/2021/05/11/when-sons-become-daughters-part-v-the-links-between-trans-identity-gifted-minds-categorical-thinking-and-anime

As with many people who share their painful experiences here, you'll never know how many people you've helped.

You'd think this is a positive rather than something to shut down wouldn't you?

I see that some posters, having pored over comments the OP made, are now attacking her. I wonder what the actual motivation is to police the OP in such a way?

ChiefBabySniffer I think that particular poster was a example of the phenomenon often seen in this parish of ignorant soundbite righteousness butting up against experience, insight and expertise. It's often topped off with an unintentionally ironic 'educate yourself.' Such contributions highlight the vast intelligence gulf between the mantra-chanting 'do better' crowd and women who are living with the real consequences of this misogynistic shit.

Your posts are extremely valuable. I imagine they will be read by many lurkers who will, as a result, be more equipped to deal with similar problems in their own families. As with many people who share their painful experiences here, you'll never know how many people you've helped.

@Chienloup

You are showing how little you know about this area of porn. I didn't name it "sissification" for gods sake. It's misogynistic? You mean like the vast majority of porn is? No shit Sherlock. But thanks for wading in on something you know balls all about to tell me I disgust you..... especially after I have laid out some of the most agonisingly painful, embarrassing and worrying things that have ever gone on with my children just so I could help the op see how this can get out of hand.

Yes it is misogynistic. But that's the term the people who like the specific fetish porn use. It's a reference to that culture and it's bound up with liking hentai etc for many young males. Can you suggest a better way of getting across the same idea? The poster was talking about her own sons, and their online activity which ultimately ended in a police visit.

Sissy is a whole genre of porn though and straight men can be into it. It doesn't make someone gay to be into that and it doesn't make them trans.

The only person I know in real life with this fetish is deeply conflicted over it and it causes him psychological stress. If I had a chance to protect someone from discovering this at the same time as discovering their sexuality then I absolutely would do. Why risk associations being formed between extreme material and arousal?

Sexuality may be fixed but paraphilias sure as shit develop based on formative experiences. I'd advise you invest in a gryphon router and block the anime porn and keep an eye on internet activity. I'd add Reddit to the block list. It's not a human right for a 14 year old to be able to access any site they want.

Our gryphon router repeatedly blocks anime sites because it picks up on malware security threats. (Usually when a particular friend of my daughter's uses our WiFi) It was one of the best purchase decisions we have made. Just them knowing you are able to see the sites they visit is useful.

As for the pp who used the utterly vile term "sissified" - you disgust me.

This isn't a reference to being gay. It's a reference to a particular type of online porn culture.

Hope the chat went well and yes, agree with PPs that the stereotypes of what makes someone gay are just that, stereotypes. You can be gay and masculine and sporty. It's only about sexual attraction; none of the rest of it is relevant.

It's the porn that's the problem as this could influence what turns him on for the rest of his life and he's clearly distressed about it. Lots of boys are suffering due to what they're viewing online not to mention the girls or boys they go on to have real relationships with.

I find it utterly bizarre that you think all gay men are effeminate and hate rough sport. Please educate yourself.

Feel free to talk to your son about the dangers of porn, but leave sexuality out of it. He is at an age where he will be trying to navigate his own feelings and identity.

OMG leave OP alone. She didn't say he wasn't gay or couldn't be gay. She said she had no cause to think he was previous to this happening - I think to illustrate the risk of him being confused by the porn, rather than any homophobia or concern that he is actually gay.

She's posted for support, not a shoeing about not being gay friendly enough. These responses are horrible and totally unnecessary.

As far as she knows.
I'm just pointing out the irrelevancies and OPs stereotyped views.

Yes, his internet access needs to be severely curtailed.

And while questioning his sexuality is normal, I don't agree that this kind of deliberate attempt to sexualise a young teen is not going to make a difference. Kids can be affected by what they see sexually when it is so abnormal and out of context and almost designed to promote a kind of disembodied sexual arousal. The anime characters don't read as "normal" men or women which you've realised I think, OP, they are a kind of deliberate mix.

If he's into anime check over any manga he's reading as well, some of the books are pornographic but have relatively innocent cover art.

.

Why was OP post deleted?