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Original poster

Feminist pregnancy

83 replies

Orangepen13 · 18/05/2021 08:39

Hi,

First post here! I’m pregnant with my first child and am becoming more and more aware of the feminist ideals forced upon me - from pain-medication free labour, the parenting books available (“mummy makes”?!!), work expectations... the list goes on.

I’ve not been completely unaware of this, and very much hold the belief that a lot of gender inequality in our society comes from unpaid labour. Me and my partner are taking shared leave and the expectation is that we will be equal parts of the child’s care. However I have no doubt that this will be a battle!

I’m struggling to find like minded parents. When I mention shared leave to my friends/colleagues I get very quizzical looks and asked to explain myself. No one of my friends seems to talk about the unreasonable demands on women during pregnancy and labour, and whilst I do hear about unreasonable demands on childcare, no one seems to talk about challenging this.

I’m wondering if anyone has come across any groups, parenting books, parenting courses (etc.) that advocate a feminist stance to unpaid care?

I feel very much like an odd one out, and it’s hard to challenge all the bull with just one set of eyes!

Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangepen13 · 18/05/2021 09:13

Sorry - again, wrong use of the words. I meant exactly the opposite of what I said. Patriarchal ideals probably better term.

See, I knew I needed some more education!

OP posts:
risefromyourgrave · 18/05/2021 09:12

By ‘feminist ideals’, do you mean femininity/perfect woman rather than feminism/standing for women?

Original poster
Orangepen13 · 18/05/2021 09:11

Oops - my first mistake - I meant patriarchal ideals! As in, ideals of how I should be as a female, as a mother. Which is the exact opposite of what I wrote! Sorry.

The books is a cook book - I just felt furious that it was titled “mummy makes” and aimed at mums rather than parents.

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Babdoc · 18/05/2021 09:09

OP, I don’t understand your reference to a “pain medication free labour” being a feminist ideal?
I’ve been a radical feminist since the 1970’s. I also worked as a hospital doctor for 36 years, specialising in anaesthetics, during which I administered epidurals to over a thousand women.
Feminists are in favour of women’s choice, not exhorting them to suffer needless pain as a mission statement!

HumunaHey · 18/05/2021 09:09

When you say like-minded parents, do you mean those who have also taken shared parental leave?

I personally didn't do this with DC1 as DH earned less than me and I breastfed so it made financial and practical sense mot to do that.

Pregnancy, childbirth and the newborn stage will also make you firmly realise that there a things a man can just not do (in case you didn't already know lol) so, in terms of equality, it won't exist.

AssassinatedBeauty · 18/05/2021 09:07

I’m pregnant with my first child and am becoming more and more aware of the feminist ideals forced upon me - from pain-medication free labour, the parenting books available (“mummy makes”?!!), work expectations... the list goes on.

I'm not sure what you mean by "feminist ideals forced up me"? Can you explain a bit more what you mean and what you feel forced to do? I have never heard of the parenting book you mention either.

Justhadathought · 18/05/2021 09:02

As I see it pregnancy and childbirth are all about the physical and emotional experience. I'd say to go with what feels right for you, not with what others expect of you, and if that means getting fully into the experience of being pregnant and giving birth, then do that.

When it is a first child it is all new, and until you have your first it can all seem like an intellectual exercise, and there is little realisation of what a profound experience and change it can be in your life; or its effect on your emotional life.

If you have to return to work after giving birth, this is simply a fact and you will need to agree some terms with your partner; but you may find you feel like you would like to return just P/T or even not at all......if this is at all a possibility.

It is difficult, because on one hand your mind and ideas about fairness in life tell you one thing, but your body and your emotions and instincts can sometimes tell you something else. So many couples argue over such things, and to some degree this is inevitable.

I'm not sure what to advise except to trust your instincts, whilst also agreeing a plan of action with your partner.

Original poster
Orangepen13 · 18/05/2021 08:50

P.s. I should add, I know I’m not the most educated on feminism out there. The reason I’m looking for more info and like minded people is because I want to learn more, question more, and be challenged. Please feel free to do this in a kind way ☺️

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