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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

“Giving away” at weddings - anyone done something different?

129 replies

TheThermalStair · 16/05/2021 16:57

Coming under some (kindly meant) pressure to have my dad give me away at my wedding. I won’t be doing that for obvious reasons but I’m trying to think of alternatives - come up the aisle alone? Both parents? Me and DP swing in on trapezes? Just wondering how other feminists have handled it.

OP posts:
Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 16/05/2021 18:58

My dad walked me down but we're RC so there's no giving away. If the aisle was wider I might have asked my mom too.

AphroditeGoddessOfLove · 16/05/2021 18:50

Oh and there was no "who gives this woman" part said by the registrar

FaintlyMacabre · 16/05/2021 18:49

I really can’t remember what we did- we had a humanist ceremony first and I think we both got up from our chairs to join the ceremony! We formalised it at a register office but that was a v small ceremony where we all went in together.
I love the idea of both parents walking both bride and groom down the aisle- really shows the joining of two families. Some friends of ours did that and I thought it was lovely.

AphroditeGoddessOfLove · 16/05/2021 18:49

I walked by myself

Letsgetreadytocrumble · 16/05/2021 18:45

I went to a small registry office wedding a few years ago where the bride and groom were already stood at the front together as the guests walked in to sit down, that was quite nice.

Erikrie · 16/05/2021 18:41

I walked up the isle with my brother. It wasn't about giving me away though, more about having someone to hang onto in case I tripped up. I'd already been in a relationship with dp for 12 years though; with a house and kids. So it was hardly giving me away. I'd already gone. 🤷

tbtf · 16/05/2021 18:32

Me and DH met outside the room (got married at a steam railway), and had "first look" pictures taken together so lots of photos of me walking up behind him both of use facing the camera, and then him turning around to see me, lots of crying and laughing and then we walked in to get married together. Having all our guests waiting for us and then cheering loudly when we walked in together was so lovely.

TreesoftheField · 16/05/2021 18:32

My family are very traditional so I walked in with Dad.
I did tell our (female) minister I didn't want to be given away so she asked who presents this woman so my dad got his moment, then asked who presents this man, with the best man doing the honours!!

YummyBelicious · 16/05/2021 18:26

I walked in by myself. I'm no one's to give away, and I already had kids with my now husband so felt even dafter. Had no speeches either x

FeistySheep · 16/05/2021 18:21

My dad walked down the aisle with me. He wasn't giving me away - he knew that, I knew that, husband-to-be knew that. I just am a bit shy and didn't want to walk on my own! I didn't care what other people thought. I know I'm a feminist, and that gives me the right to choose to walk with my dad, if I want to ☺️

EdgeOfACoin · 16/05/2021 18:15

I was 'given away' by my dad. That didn't bother me at all, for some reason. I was far more concerned about my surname, which I kept.

However I have heard of both bride and groom each walking down the aisle with one or both of their parents, who then 'present' them to be married. I like the symbolism of leaving one's family and joining together with another person to create a new family unit.

KFleming · 16/05/2021 18:15

I walked in with DH. But we had a very casual wedding at a registry office with a handful of friends, plus our parents.

AntiHop · 16/05/2021 18:13

Register office. No walking down the isle. We were mingling with the guests before the ceremony.

teezletangler · 16/05/2021 18:13

I've seen all sorts. My dad walked me down the aisle but the "giving away" part doesn't actually exist in the current marriage service (either C of E or civil).

Bouledeneige · 16/05/2021 18:12

Registry office. My H and I managed to safely walk ourselves down the aisle.

2Rebecca · 16/05/2021 18:07

My first wedding I was given away but my second wedding was the second for both of us and I think we just walked in to the registry office together

EmmaOvary · 16/05/2021 18:06

I walked down alone, a bridesmaid and flower girl ahead of me.

JaneAustenFanClub · 16/05/2021 18:03

I was really against the symbolism of my Dad giving me away. Unfortunately he was quite cross about this not being part of the ceremony, but he did do a speech at the reception at least so still had some of the traditional father of the bride role (although I saw a draft of his speech and had to ask him to take out lots of hideously sexist jokes...) I think this is a topic on which he and I will never agree, but we have moved on from that since!
Anyway, I walked down a staircase in the venue, met DH at the bottom of the staircase and then we entered the ceremony room together.

Lissiel0u · 16/05/2021 17:55

My best friend walked me down the aisle. My family is shit so I chose my oldest and best friend.

TheWayOfTheWorld · 16/05/2021 17:53

My dad wasn't able to be at my wedding. I walked down the aisle by myself.

Undersnatch · 16/05/2021 17:51

I had both parents. I was heavily pregnant and wearing heels so needed walked to be fair Grin

rhnireland · 16/05/2021 17:49

My dad walked me down the aisle and he was bursting with joy so I am glad I didn't take that moment from him. If my mum had shown any interest I would have had her do it too but she absolutely hates being the focus of attention.

TheNumberfaker · 16/05/2021 17:40

My dad died many years before my wedding. My mum accompanied me down the aisle and it was lovely for both of us.

umberellaonesie · 16/05/2021 17:31

I have been married twice wasn't given away at either.
1st we arrived together walked down the aisle together.
2nd he walked down the aisle with his best men and I was waiting at the alter with my bridesmaids and our children

DJattheendoftheworld · 16/05/2021 17:29

Both parents walked me down the aisle, both DHs parents walked him down.