Accused of transphobia

You could try challenging her by bringing up the issue of homophobia.

Say that studies show that roughly half of gnc boys grow up to be gay men, and that because you are not homophobic, you would rather leave that path open for him, rather than set him on a "trans" path that would convert him into a straight girl before he is too young to understand what his sexual orientation might be.

This article is a review of 41 studies that, taken toghether, confirm that figure:

Childhood sex-typed behavior and sexual orientation: A conceptual analysis and quantitative review. Bailey, J. Michael • 1995

Bagshot? I believe i typed batshit, tyvm autocorrect.

Doh. Basically, I agree with your approach. Some FB groups are Bagshot. Don't take it personally and consider leaving the group

When my dd was 2 she insisted she was a unicorn. Invited people to feel the bump on her forehead when her horn was growing out (there was no bump, btw) and was wholly, fully committed to this for nearly a year.

According to tra theory I should have been renaming her Princess Sparkle Mane and booking her in for equine hormones and surgery? Children roleplay, children pretend, it's what they do. Gently remind them of facts when necessary and let them play.

She's now a 6 year old half princess half goth. She still loves unicorns but doesn't believe she is one and is torn whether to be a mermaid or an astronaut wren she grows up. Kids are awesome when you just let them be.

The current narrative is that trans is a hormonal biological condition akin to intersex conditions.

It's still sexist, and homophobic.

Oh and "isn't that sexist?" Goes a long way.

I fooking hate the arrogant language used "you need to unpack..."

They never actually debate the point.

It's slurs or passive aggressive lectures. Or outright aggression.

You sound wonderful.

Simply don't respond ever to any pms.

If you comment, don't get dragged into an argument, don't respond.

There will be others reading and thinking the same.

I'm an American and there's an argument style that, if it includes "faith" or "God," I would just not even engage...evangelicals have a mission and they are raised to believe they have insight because Jesus has blessed them. I had to leave a FB group that started out as women against Trump...but saw too many fevered attacks on women who were just asking critical questions. Questioning = lack of faith.

Also, I'd be willing to be there were lurkers who didn't stand up for you, but agreed with you. The mods on American women's FB groups have also been completely taken over by moms who are TRA activists on behalf of their children and you just can't argue with them. It's like hitting your head against bricks.

I agree. You sound lovely OP and I love the fact your son can enjoy dressing up as Elsa, or anyone else, without it being a big thing. I would have been upset too. I suspect every other member of the group is quietly agreeing with you - those comments are crazy

Your post is very reasonable and balanced. But you are not dealing with reasonable and balanced people

This, really. It's hard if you're used to discussing things in an egalitarian way, and then people react in an emotive, faith-driven way. I guess maybe like an agnostic discussing religion with an extreme hardliner.

Sorry you got crap for it. FWIW, if it's an American group then I think that will make it doubly hard - different words, cultural cues, context, etc.

You were speaking complete sense. The other person probably has a “trans child” and feels like your reasonableness, thoughtful and sane approach is showing her up

Good point!

For some people life is all about passing trends, appearances and fitting in with the group. You don't need it!

My son sounds just like yours Atalanta. I let him dress whatever way he wants. Today he went to school in a pink t-shirt from the girls section with sequins all over it. He felt awesome and he looked awesome. He's just started to grow out his hair into the long style that he wants.

I don't make it a big deal either, I want to be the person who models the ideal of no stereotypes and holds that baseline every day at home. Why would you hype it up in case someone mocks him? That's an odd attitude. If that happens we can deal with it then.

I don't need to "unpack" anything and neither do you.

Just leave the group and forget the whole thing

Definitely! What you are doing is absolutely the right thing.

Social media is not the best place to make friends or meet like minds.

Completely agree, OP.

I brought my son up very similarly to you. He's now a 22 year old man. Not a very 'masculine one; certainly not a 'macho' one. But a man, nevertheless. As he would, of course, have always been!

Sadly, he's completely bought into the trans stuff and the fact that he was more feminine presenting but doesn't regard himself as a woman yet other equally feminine presenting men do (or at least non binary), only serves to reinforce his belief that it must be real 🙄

I've also had people tell me that I'm 'part of the problem' having not reinforced sex stereotypes when he was younger and that it was parents like me who paved the way for the current nonsense. Also 🙄

You're perfectly reasonable and right. It's frightening how cracked so many people are with all this identity stuff. There was a row that went on for days in a Facebook knitting group I'm in where people had started posts with the words "ladies" or 'guys' .. this isn't allowed because it's not inclusive .. I just despair sometimes.

Your reply was so eloquent and balanced OP.

You explained everything calmly and sensibly.

You are not the one with the problem.

You sound absolutely fine. They are being unreasonable (I know not the right board)

I, too, have one older child who doesn't care about clothes and has short hair, but isn't sporty/ 'boyish' and one who's long hair, loves pink (although hides it at school now), wanted sparkly dresses just as much as ninja costumes (I have an adorable picture from his nursery where every child but two - one boy one girl were in princess dresses), but is more rough and tumble - because they're both children, who are human, with their own likes, dislikes and interests just the same as everyone else. Claiming it's anything more than that is just mad.

Let kids be kids.

Your reply was excellent, showing kindness, insight and lacking any negativity towards different opinions. You’re a brilliant mum letting your little one explore their place in their world without demanding them to have a fixed presentation or to ‘fix themselves’ according to stereotypes.

Brava and don’t let the unimaginative pedants steeped in stereotypical rubbish bring your down!

I got called transphobic for asking my ex not to kick me into a wall. It reminded him that he’s so much bigger than me and that’s transphobic. So I wouldn’t set much by the label tbh.

Your post was lovely, compassionate and sensible.

The other parent sounds like an ideological, authoritarian arse.

If the general tone of the group send to be supporting them, run for the hills.

I'm with you OP, it just seems a sensible common sense way to raise a child.